Marriage Counselor

How to Repair a Failing Marriage

2010-04-10T16:16:00.001-07:00

It is a common sight in most marriages to lose love for one another. Maybe at this moment your spouse does not love you - it is normal to have to go through that and you are not alone. Most people want to learn how to repair a failing marriage. I understand that feeling when your partner does not connect to you like before. It is not the time for you to feel sorry for yourself. Continue reading to learn how to repair a failing marriage.

What you need to know, when it comes to learning how to fix a failing marriage is that people change all the time. As people, we are always changing, and that applies to married people. As you grow together in marriage, you have to let your marriage adapt and change things, so that you are ready for the road blocks coming your way.

In most cases when people marry, they lose their individual self in favor to the commitment to the marriage. Which at times is a good thing but overall it can have very negative impacts. Your spouse was attracted to you - not you being part of a family. You were an individual and that's what you need to do again in order to repair a failing marriage. You have to become the person you were when your spouse met you like at the beginning when you got married. You have to have time to yourself and go back being who you were at the beginning of the marriage. Time passes by so fast that we forget that we once had dreams before the kids, work and bills. It's time for you to focus on your dreams. You just have to remember that we all want our partners to have ambitions.

Even if both spouses love each other sincerely, at times they might find themselves getting more and more distant from each other and getting close to a divorce. But like me, you too can take some steps into saving your marriage and turning it into a satisfying relationship.

Your marriage is not doomed to a divorce. I know that it might feel like there is no way to save your marriage now, but there is. With the use of specific techniques, you can repair your relationship and build something that will last for life. Click here to visit a very helpful site in that respect

Marriage Intimacy is More Than Just Sex - Do Not Forget the Romance

2010-01-07T12:31:00.001-08:00

keys:marriage intimacy, successful marriage, having sex, romance
Is the fire still hot in your relationship? I am not talking about just having sex. I am talking about real marriage intimacy. The kind of intimacy that lasts all day, and then continues into the bedroom. You know, we can get too comfortable in marriages sometimes, I mean the kind comfort that has us taking our marriage for granted.

You can start thinking that, because you, and your mate have been together for awhile that keeping the fire of romance hot is no longer something you have to do. Wrong answer. Being intimate is not just what takes place between the sheets.

It is about romance. Intimacy is about the heart, and soul of a relationship. Your emotions, your mindset, and how you interact with each other. In other other words, how do you communicate your love to your mate?

I say this all the time, marriage is a living, breathing entity. It must be nurtured, so that it can grow. We married couples must remain vigilant in our quest to have a successful marriage. It just does not happen without our help.

I have to say this for the men. Do not treat your wife like she is a piece of meat. Many wives talk about their husbands not being romantic anymore. Men tend to have that conquerer type attitude. I have her now, I can relax, she is mine. That meat is there when I want it.

You are looking for some serious trouble with that attitude. However guys, that is an easy one to remedy. Treat your wife as if you are still dating, spend some quality time with her. Ladies, you got to be on the same level as your man, most important thing I could tell you right now is, not to nag. This simply means, do not talk about things that are not necessary.

Compliment one another, find out from each other things you would like to see change in your partner, so you can improve the marriage. Get back to basics, get back to your roots. Talk, listen to each other. And please remember that romance is about physical appearance too.

Do not call yourself being romantic, and sexy, without looking the part. I am just saying, you have to look desirable. Some folks do allow their appearance to suffer. It goes back to getting too comfortable. Ladies keep your hair done, guys get a shave. You know what I am talking about. Marriage intimacy is an all day process, day in, day out. For as long as you are together. Then, when it is time to make love, your spiritual connection will be right, and that my friends will culminate into the best sex you could ever have.

Would you like to know more about intimacy in relationships? click here get your free newsletter, and learn more at http://loveismakingupguidereviewsnow.info

Overcoming Infidelity - Your Marriage Can Survive Betrayal

2010-01-07T12:29:00.000-08:00

keys:overcoming infidelity, survive betrayal, overcome infidelity, marriage work
Overcoming infidelity, that is a tough one to deal with.You might be sitting there wondering what went wrong, why did this have to happen in our marriage, so forth; and so on. That is normal, but for now forget about it. One of the first things you got to do in overcoming infidelity is not to brood over it too long. You are going to have to figure out what you want to do about it. If you have decided to make your marriage work, good for you. That is what you should be doing.

First you must forgive your spouse, and show that the lines of communication are open. Oh, wait a minute, let me back up a bit. Do not blame yourself. If you did not betray your husband, or wife, why would you beat up on yourself? I do not care what happened. It does not give anyone the right to jump into the arms of another. Trust is everything in a relationship. Once that is broken, it now becomes a matter of regaining that trust. That will be like climbing a mountain, however it is not impossible. It does require a lot of patience.

The partner that committed the wrong has to humble themselves to their mate. I do not mean you have to kiss their butt, I am saying, be truly apologetic and understand that you got some serious work to do. Face the music, you messed up. You better recognize that cheating is the ultimate betrayal in a relationship, and thank the Lord that your partner wants to give you another chance. Basically, you are going to have to woo them all over again. That should not be a problem for you, since you will not be giving that time to the person you were sleeping with anymore, right?

Look, I do not want to beat up on anybody, but I do understand this issue completely. I cheated on my wife, so we were going through the process of overcoming infidelity. It happened years ago, but I believe we are still going through the healing process, it takes time, and you both have to be totally willing to commit to putting that time in to fix your marriage. It is not easy, but do not give up. Marriage is the backbone of our society. Marriage defines us as a civilized people.That is my opinion anyway.

Remember, there is always professional help if you need it. It can be gotten at low cost, or no cost. If you are a faith based family, there is always help at your church. Whatever you do to get help, go ahead and get it. Your marriage can survive. It can overcome infidelity, with love.

If you would like to learn more please visit us at http://loveismakingupguidereviewsnow.info and get yourself a free newsletter, and start learning how to fix the problem.

THE HIPSTER WEDDING OF THE CENTURY 2: THE STONER GAYMO BOOGALOO

2009-09-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

His phone buzzes for the twentieth time since he woke up this morning. It’s Kanye, again. what about this one? it asks, and there’s an attachment. When he opens it, it’s another clothing sample, a shiny jacket with lots of embroidery on the sleeves.

cool he texts back and tries to get back to the website he’s supposed to have done by tomorrow.

& this?, Kanye texts back. This time it’s a picture of a sweet pair of slacks that Nick might actually wear. There’s some embroidery down around the cuff of one of the legs, but it’s really cool embroidery.

super sweet he texts back.

Over the next four hours, Kanye texts him about 20 more samples as well as three links to design blogs, two to music blogs and sixteen different links to pictures of cute animals. Nick doesn’t know how Kanye got his phone number, but ever since the wedding, Kanye’s been emailing and texting him almost every day. Nick’s been following Kanye’s blog for a long time, but it never occurred to him that Kanye’s blog was in any way an example of Kanye filtering himself.

The forty texts a day that Nick gets from him tells him otherwise.

“Is that Kanye?” De’Mar asks when Nick’s phone goes off for the third time during dinner. It’s warmed up enough that they’re eating outside almost every day. “If you’re cheating on me with Kanye West, the least you can do is have the decency to tell me about it. Be as detailed as possible, maybe you’ll convince me not to divorce you.”

“You’re not going to divorce me,” Nick answers while texting Kanye back. “For one, you wouldn’t give your dad the satisfaction and for another you’d never get rid of me if there was any chance at all of a potential threesome with Kanye West. Also, I don’t know if it’s called a divorce when you dissolve a civil union.”

De’Mar frowns and Nick stretches out his leg under to table to rest against De’Mar’s. He feels like a dork for the way his stomach jumps at De’Mar’s smile, but he never can help it. He likes being the reason for that smile.

“He keeps bugging me about helping him out with his fashion show,” Nick adds. De’Mar looks up, a confused look on his face.

“What fashion show?” he asks.

“The one he’s been designing for.” Nick takes a sip of his beer and sits back. “I know I’ve shown you some of the samples he’s been sending me.”

“He designed those?” De’Mar asks. “I just figured he wanted your input on what to wear.”

Nick nods, sipping his beer. “I am a pretty stylish guy.” De’Mar rolls his eye and throws his napkin at Nick’s head.

“Grab the check,” De’Mar says, while Nick’s ducking. “I left my wallet at home.”

Nick’s leaving a tip for their waiter when De’Mar puts his arm around Nick enough to put his hand in Nick’s pocket. “What does he want you to do for a fashion show? Does he want you guys to design a logo or a website?”

Nick frowns at De’Mar’s hand in his pocket. They’re in public, for fuck’s sake. “He wants me to help him with the actual event planning shit.” Nick tries to scowl, hoping it will make De’Mar move his hand but he just keeps tapping out the beat of the Latin music their place has been playing almost all week. Nick wouldn’t tell anyone else, but the way De’Mar randomly taps out beats without thinking about it is one of Nick’s favorite De’Mar quirks. It ranks somewhere ahead of turning the television up way too loud in the morning and behind playing guitar in the mirror. “He liked everything I did for the wedding and said he wanted someone he trusts to help him. It’s his baby after all.”

“So give him Cheryl’s number,” De’Mar says while they walk out the door. “She was our wedding planner.”

“Hey!” Nick pulls away for real this time, pulling De’Mar’s hand out of his pocket. “Cheryl would have been lost without me, don’t pretend like I didn’t do a lot of the work.”

“Okay sure,” De’Mar nods and rocks back on his heels while they wait for the light to change. “Name one venue you can get for Kanye’s fashion show.”

Nick flips De’Mar off and opens his phone to call Cheryl.

---

The fashion show goes off really well. Nick and De’Mar get VIP tickets and at one point, while they’re walking past Kanye, surrounded by a throng of reporters and cameras, Kanye pulls Nick to him. “This is my boy, Nick. He’s gone through this with me every step of the way from picking out only the freshest designs to getting this dope runway. I couldn’t have done it without him.”

Nick smiles at the cameras, ready to somehow plug We Can’t Stop Thinking because this is a golden opportunity and he’s nothing if not a business genius, but Kanye’s not finished. “And he’s gay. It’s just like I said, these gay guys have the freshest taste and style, which says something about my style if you think about it. I mean, I did have the good taste to get friendly with him in the first place.”

Nick swallows hard at Kanye telling the entire world how gay he is but continues to smile while Kanye talks about how Nick had planned his own wedding and manages to plug Nick’s design company for him. Nick doesn’t actually get to talk the entire time. He just stands there with Kanye’s arm over his shoulder and he has to admit, it’s pretty sweet.

---

“So I’m standing there and Kanye has his arm around me,” Nick tells Tom, Sean, Ryan and Jon while Jon’s packing a bowl for them. Ryan and Jon are in town for a bit “gathering inspiration” before they finish their album and Nick can admit that he’s pretty glad to have them around. “He’s telling some reporter about what a great eye I have for color and how WCST designed the programs and invitations an-“

“And then he said he felt lucky to have a friend like you,” Sean, Tom and Jon all say in bored unison.

“Hey, fuckers, this story was for Ryan because he just got here and doesn’t know all about my very close, personal relationship with Kanye West,” Nick explains pointing a finger at all of them. “Besides, don’t make fun of a man when there’s still a decent chance he’ll take his weed back.”

De’Mar comes in, humming something under his breath before throwing himself down next to Ryan on the couch. “Is he still going on about how close he and Kanye are?” Everyone, Ryan included, nods. “Cool, you know I keep telling him if they’re so close he should bring up that threesome idea and he keeps pussying out.”

“You can’t just ask a dude to have a threesome with you. That’s not how it works!” Nick says.

Tom frowns, shaking his head. “Yes you can,” he says and Sean nods.

“Okay, you can’t just ask a dude for a threesome and not be creepy,” Nick clarifies because no way in hell did Conrad or Van Creep just walk up to some guy and ask him to threesome with them in a smooth or uncreepy way. Sean just shrugs, probably because he knows he can’t really disagree with that.

“But in the mean time, you’re still not hitting it with Kanye?” Jon asks and Nick’s cell is ringing so all he can do is flip him off.

“You got Nick,” he says, leaning back.

“Mr. Scimeca, this is James Stevenson with Chicago Free Press, I was wondering if you wanted to be the subject of a feature piece we’re doing on local gay businessmen?”

Nick blinks because on the one hand he loves press, especially when it’s press about WCST but on the other… how did this fucker get his private number? “Umm, this is my private cell, man. Can you maybe call me tomorrow at work? I’m hanging with some friends right now.”

“Oh certainly, Mr. Scimeca,” John or Jim or whoever says. “But you are interested, right?”

Nick shrugs because he honestly needs more details and specifics before he agrees to anything. “We’ll have to talk specifics but in general, I kind of love print, especially when it’s about me and my company.”

“Wonderful, I’ll talk to you later, Mr. Scimeca.” It’s weird to hear Mr. Scimeca when people aren’t talking to or about his dad but he’s getting more and more used to it.

"What was that about?" Jon asks when Nick sets down his cell.

"Just a reporter, he wanted to do a story on me," Nick tells him smugly. He has a right to be smug. The Chicago Free Press is a total big deal. He wonders if he can get them to take pictures of him in front of the WCST logo at the office. "That fashion show was such a great idea."

In the corner of his eye he can see Jon and Ryan cuddling closer on the couch and Ryan bend his head to whisper his into Jon's ear. Nick throws a pillow at them. "Hey! The only people allowed to do that kind of gay ass shit in out apartment is us. Got it?" Jon flips Nick off and pulls Ryan’s face to his own, kissing him. Nick only watches a bit, but he's pretty sure it's way too late to call No Homo.

---

The Chicago Free Press isn't the only newspaper interested in him. The next day at work he gets at least 12 calls about doing possible interviews, photo shoots and even a cover spread for several different local magazines, newspapers and a couple of blogs.

"They all want a piece of me, De'Mar,” he says with a grin while De’Mar goes through the stack of messages Nick took today.

“Oh dude,” De’Mar’s eyes light up. “You have to do Red Eye, fuck everything else, let Red Eye interview you.”

“Yeah?” Nick asks. “I was thinking about it but… shouldn’t I let the gay newspaper have the first interview?”

“But it’s fucking Red Eye!” De’Mar says, holding up the message.

“Hey now, there’s more than enough of me to go around,” Nick grins while he says it and De’Mar rolls his eyes.

“There’s barely enough of your bony ass as it is,” he says and Nick leans into him.

“Don’t act like you’re not into bony dudes like me. It’s just like I like a little more cushion for pushin’,” Nick punctuates it by lewdly rocking his hips against De’Mar’s a few times and De’Mar rolls his eyes again.

“All I’m saying is that if you don’t do an interview with Red Eye I’ll never speak to you again,” De’Mar tells him.

“… but you’d still listen to me talk, right?” Nick asks. De’Mar walks away and Nick shouts after him, “Right?”

---

“Well if it isn’t Mr. Gaytown Chicago himself,” Ryan says the next time Nick shows up at AK while he and Al are mugging for pictures and taking advantage of the discount Nick said they could have. Nick’s man enough to admit that that wasn’t his brightest move; he might even classify it as a mistake.

“Look on the bright side, Luciani,” Nick says, slinging one arm over his shoulder. “This way you have plenty to complain to your mom about.” Ryan reaches out to punch him and Nick ducks.

“A toast to the man himself,” Al breaks in, raising his glass of discount booze and grinning like he usually reserves for when he’s playing some sort of prank on Sean.

“What did you do?” Nick asks, looking around for whatever terrible thing is about to happen to him. It’s some thanks, he gives Al Smith a fucking discount at his bar and then Smith has the nerve to punk him while sitting there drinking his $1 PBR.

Al smiles wider, shaking his head. “I’m starting to think you smoking up with Jon so often has turned you paranoid.” Nick scowls at him, and Al nods toward a corner booth. All Nick can see is blonde hair sticking up.

“Who’s that?” he asks and Al shoves him toward the booth.

“Go fucking find out,” Al says.

Nick’s heading over when he hears Ryan tell the bartender, “No really, Nick wanted us to order him a couple beers and just hold them for him, we swear!”

He double-takes when he gets to the booth because of all the blondes he thought he might see in his bar, Ellen and Portia DeGeneres didn’t immediately spring to mind. “Ellen! Portia!” he says, like an asshole who’s never seen a celebrity in his bar before. He shakes his head and holds out his hand like the cool, well-connected hotspot owner that he is. He partied with Jack Bauer once. “Hey, it’s been a while.”

Ellen and Portia, it turns out, are in Chicago to help out Equality Illinois (which Nick has never heard of before). They’re hosting some sort of pre-anniversary party to celebrate being married while also making a name for the gay rights organization in Illinois. Nick nods along while Ellen and Portia explain their plan, wondering what it is they want from him.

“So I was talking to Portia about it on the phone in between commercial breaks,” Ellen explains. Nick likes that she gestures with her hands so much. It reminds him of himself. “And I had Kanye as a guest and he said that if I was putting together a party in Chicago I should talk to you about it. Apparently you’re the connected and hip guy when it comes to parties in Chicago.”

Nick blinks for a second, glad he wasn’t drinking anything because he would have just done a spit-take for sure. “Wait… Kanye said that about me?”

Ellen smiles. “Yeah. Well he didn’t say you were hip. I don’t think actual hip people use words like hip anymore. He said a lot about your style and your connections and what a fresh dresser you are, though.”

Nick stares and wonders if he’s dreaming or dead or something. Kanye telling people how great he is basically sums up his view of what heaven must be like.

“So will you?” Portia asks and Nick just stares at her because he has no idea what she’s talking about. Kanye thinks he dresses well. What else could anyone possibly want him to talk about? “The party, will you help us throw it?”

“Oh! Oh yeah, I can definitely help you with that. I have, you know, someone I usually work with for this stuff but me and her can help you for sure!” He thinks he might be overenthusiastic, but he doesn’t really care. Wait until he tells De’Mar about this.

---

“What’s that?” De’Mar asks, reading over Nick’s shoulder. He’s eating cereal. It's crunchy cereal and Nick knows that because he can hear it crunching directly in his ear.

"It's the guest list to Ellen and Portia's party," he says, leaning forward. "Can you go do that somewhere else? What if you spill milk on the party stuff?"

De'Mar just puts his arm around Nick's waist, like that's going to stop Nick from complaining, and keeps looking at the list. "Why are so many of our friends on their guest list?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Nick says, as innocently as possible. "They wanted to invite big names in Chicago. Ashlee and Pete are obvious choices."

"Yeah but it doesn't explain why Al and the Looch are on it, or Nate or... you're inviting Jon and Ryan Ross?" Nick knows without turning his head that De'Mar is looking at him like he's done something crazy. Nick doesn't understand why he makes those faces but for some reason he keeps doing it.

"They're musicians, influential musicians that-"

"Dude, your entire staff is on that guest list, aren't they?" De'Mar asks. "Along with like, half the people we know?"

"No," he says, trying to sound offended. De'Mar raises an eyebrow at him. Nick looks away, shuffling some papers around like they're important. He can still feel De'Mar looking at him in disbelief. "I know a lot of people, De'Mar. I couldn't invite them all." De'Mar leans in then, pressing his lips to Nick's cheek in a milky kiss. "Ewww! Hey! Keep that udder excretion away from me!" Nick wipes at his face, trying to get the milk residue off.

De'Mar rolls his eyes. "You've been a vegan for what, two weeks? Don't get high and mighty with me," he says.

"You know you're drinking something that was meant for babies, right? You've stolen from babies who've been taken and turned into veal," Nick tells him. De'Mar tips his bowl back to slurp up the leftover milk in his bowl.

"Mmmmmm," he says. Nick flips him off.

---

"Did you pick out this cake?" Jon asks, again, the next time Nick sees him.

"For the third time, yeah, I picked out the cake," Nick answers, shaking his head. Ryan walks up and slings his arm around Jon's shoulders, leaning in to eat the cake Jon's holding in his hand. "You guys!" Nick says, sighing. "It's really bad form to smoke up before someone else's party and then show up with the munchies. How much fucking cake have you had?"

"Jon's only had a couple of pieces," Ryan says, blinking at Nick in that creepy way he has. He has one of his fingers hooked in Jon's belt loops, and his hands look so weird and alien that Nick has to look away.

"And you?" Nick asks because Ryan didn't really answer the question.

"I only had... a couple? And some of Jon's.

Nick throws his hands in the air."This is how you repay me for getting you in to this party?" Nick asks but Ryan is pointing over his shoulder.

"Is that Kanye?" he asks and Nick nearly hurts himself turning his head in the direction Ryan is pointing at. Sure enough, it's Kanye, standing with a drink and staring bewilderedly at Sean. Nick wonders if it would be possible to pull Kanye away without acknowledging that he knows Sean.

He's in the middle of trying to coax Kanye away with some sweet dance moves when Sean sees him. "Nick!" he says, waving. "I was talking to Kanye here about songwriting. Apparently our process is kind of similar. He sort of locks himself away to get the barebones of a song at first too!"

Sean smiles sweetly at him and Nick tries to imagine Kanye's process being anything like hanging out in his bedroom with an old laptop and a cheap microphone until he has enough music and creepy lyrics to bring to his band and immediately gives up. Sean's still smiling though so Nick just nods. "Sure it is, Sean," he says. "I'm gonna borrow Kanye for a few, okay?" He pulls Kanye away before Sean can say anything, and he knows Kanye will thank him later. He just hopes that thanking involves blowjobs and De'Mar.

"Mr. Scimeca?" Some acne-faced kid in a waiter's jacket says, tugging at Nick's sleeve before Nick can even suggest anything to Kanye.

"What?" he asks, turning.

"There's kind of an emergency in the kitchen, sir. Someone used chicken stock for half of the recipes because they didn't know it was a vegetarian event and... they just sent me out here to get you." It's supremely unfair that Nick is getting called away right now. He waves goodbye to Kanye and follows the kid to the kitchen. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Ryan moving in to talk to Kanye.

His discount is canceled.

---

It's stupid early on a Saturday, and Nick’s phone is ringing. He has no idea who the fuck would be calling him this early so he doesn't answer. Then it rings again, and again, and again. "The offices had better be burning down," he grumbles into the phone, reaching out for De'Mar without opening his eyes. Then he remembers that De'Mar's on tour again and that that's part of why he's so hungover this morning. He snatches his hand back and stops thinking about De'Mar being gone because he has someone to bitch out on the phone; he doesn't have time for sad shit.

"Nick! Nick, I have such great news!" It's Jon fucking Walker. How he sounds this happy at such an ungodly hour is completely beyond him.

"Walker, it's seven AM," he says. "Why the fuck would you be calling me at seven AM?"

There's silence for a second and then Jon laughs. "Oh, I didn't notice the time. Me and Ryan didn't really go to sleep last night; we were kind of busy with-"

"Not that I don't love hearing about all of the sex my friends are having when I'm, you know, not, but I really fucking don't want to hear about all of the sex you and Ryan are having when I'm in the middle of a three month dry-spell."

"No, well yeah, that's basically what we were doing but there's a really specific reason!" Jon seems really determined to talk to Nick about his sex life and Nick's starting to realize that he doesn't have the energy (at seven AM) to argue. Maybe he can fall back to sleep without Jon noticing. He makes an encouraging noise and he can almost hear Jon smile on the other end of the line.

"Ryan asked me to marry him!" Jon says and Nick shakes his head.

"Wait, what?" he asks because he had to have heard that wrong.

"Last night when we came back from that party with all the great cake. He proposed and I said yes! That's why all the sex, we were celebrating."

Nick rolls his eyes. "Jon, I mean this with love but you are so, so fucking high right now." He hangs up and buries his head in his pillow. He'd been dreaming about De'Mar sucking his cock while they were on a free trip to Cancun; maybe he can get the dream back.

---

He wakes up for real around noon, and while he's waiting in line at Starbucks for his vanilla soy latte he remembers the conversation with Jon. He has to check his phone to make sure it wasn't just some sort of weird dream but sure enough, his phone tells him he got four calls from Jon Walker this morning. He wonders, briefly, just what Jon was on when he said all of that.

On the way home, he's sipping his latte and thinking about how nice it is outside when he sees Ryan and Jon up ahead, sitting on the steps outside of his place. He blinks because he really expected it to take longer for Jon to sleep it off.

"Afternoon, sunshine," he says to Jon, expecting him to groan and flip him off. He's brought up short when Jon doesn't have his typical 'day-after' look. There's no squinting, no head rubbing. Instead he's beaming with a huge smile on his face and his hand in Ryan’s. He keeps looking at Ryan and Ryan keeps smiling at him before ducking his head like he's embarrassed. "Dude, what the fuck?" They're acting weird.

Jon just grins. "We dropped by for a bit to talk about the wedding. We can't stay long because we're going out to the burbs for dinner with my folks." It's sort of eerie how Jon won't quit fucking grinning.

"They're really excited about the engagement," Ryan tells him, shrugging and tugging at his sleeve.

"Wait, that shit was for real?" Nick asks, because dude.

"Of course," Jon says, sounding hurt. "Why do you think I called you this morning?"

"I honestly thought you were on acid or something. It's not the weirdest thing you've said to me while tripping." It really isn't. Jon sees the weirdest shit when he's tripping.

Jon looks like he's going to argue, but Ryan is nodding. "Once you called me up to tell me that you were an octopus. It was two AM," Ryan says, smiling. He pulls Jon a bit closer and Jon tips his face up. They kiss like that, with Jon looking up at Ryan with the dumbest look on his face. Nick's kind of disgusted.

"So... what do you want me to do?" he asks, pointedly not watching them make out.

"Plan our wedding," Ryan says, looking up from Jon.

"Yeah, you did such a good job with your wedding and Kanye's fashion show and then the other night, Ellen and Portia's anniversary party was really great. So we want you to do that for us." Jon looks at him hopefully, and Nick's reminded of when Jon tried out to be in 5o4 Plan, strumming at his bass with the same hopeful smile.

Nick can realize he's getting soft in his advanced age. It doesn't stop him from shrugging and saying, "Okay, sure."

---

Jon and Ryan suck at this, and Nick regrets ever agreeing to help them. He'd assumed planning a wedding for two laid-back stoners would be easy. Neither of them are all that high-maintenance and their both pretty agreeable under usual circumstances. The problem is that the usual circumstances tend to be Nick telling them where he wants to go for dinner or for a drink and the two of them shrugging and agreeing. That doesn't work out nearly as well when he's asking them shit like, "Where do you want the wedding to be?"

"Huh, I don't really know. Chicago, I guess," Ryan says, looking to Jon.

"Yeah, Chicago would be cool but we could have it in Vegas if you want, my parents and brothers can fly out and stuff," Jon tells him.

"Oh yeah, I wouldn't say no to Vegas but we can do it in Chicago if you want." And on and on and on.

"Let's do something basic," Nick tries, taking a deep breath and taking another bite of his delicious vegan spring rolls. If nothing else about this weird little lunch meeting, at least it won't have been a total loss because Ryan and Jon are paying. "What are some things you definitely want for the wedding. Colors, location, theme, cake... anything at all."

Jon looks thoughtful for a second before looking at Ryan. "Maybe a Great Gatsby theme?" Ryan asks.

"I'd like to wear my flip-flops and for it to not be too dressy," Jon says. "Oh and there's got to be lots of photographs."

"Chocolate cake is really delicious," Ryan says at the same time Jon says "Vanilla cake is traditional, right?"

"Maybe just the 30's in general and not Gatsby in particular?" Ryan looks away like he's trying to imagine it. "A lot of flowers would be really great though. Pretty ones that people can take home afterwards, like the centerpieces."

"We could do chocolate though, I like chocolate."

"Yeah but vanilla cake would be good too. Oh, or strawberry or something like banana."

"We should put Marley in a tux and have him be the ring-bearer," Jon says. "Maybe get Dylan and Clover in on it somehow."

"An open bar," they both say at the same time, which as far as Nick is concerned is the most important item on the list.

---

After that he tries asking them about things separately and over the phone so if they get too infuriating, he can just hang up. And after two separate conversations that were made up almost entirely of twenty minutes minimum of "I don't really know what kind of cake we should get. Ryan was talking about bananas and peanut butter and that would be hilarious. That might be the weed talking though." and "Well, Jon really likes vanilla and I like it too so... What's that? Oh, Alex is wondering if there's any way to make it a combination? Like banana and vanilla and strawberry or something?"

Nick hangs up on Jon three times. He hangs up on Ryan at least seven. He doesn't think Jon is any less impossible to talk to; it's just that he has a lot more experience dealing with him.

He meets them for dinner a few weeks later. They're late, as usual. They've just flown in from LA because they're working on their album there. Nick's a bit pissed before they show up because they promised to pay. "So here's the thing," he says, setting down a legal pad with a bunch of notes on it. "You two can't make decisions. I'm sure it's really great to make music this way, all go-with-the-flow-and-just-let-it-happen,

or not, given that you've both just left an incredibly successful band, but that's not really the point. The point is that I'm going to make some executive decisions. The first being, you're not having a Gatsby themed wedding." He holds his hand up when Ryan tries to complain. "You're not having any theme for your wedding."

"This is our wedding," Ryan argues. Nick rolls his eyes.

"You asked me to plan it. I'm assuming it's because you know I have such great taste," Nick tells him. Jon laughs, turning away to guffaw rudely into Ryan’s shoulder. "Fuck you, Walker. I have great taste. Just ask Kanye West. My wedding was awesome and classy and still a hell of a party."

Ryan looks like he might try to argue but Jon puts his hand on his arm to stop him. "Okay, Nick," Jon says. "No theme wedding."

Nick takes another bite of his vegan gazpacho before turning to Jon. "No theme wedding and your pets stay the fuck at home."

"What? But Pete had-"

"Are you really trying to justify something by saying 'Pete did it'?" he asks, surprised. "Because seriously, it's Pete. No pets, no pet tuxedos."

Jon pokes sullenly at his tofu steak and Nick doesn't let him guilt him with that sad face. "Also, there's no way I'm going to some bakery and asking them for a peanut butter and banana cake and that goes double for any other weird combinations. Got it?" Ryan and Jon nod, and Nick grins. "I already feel better about this whole wedding thing."

---

Nick sets up a cake tasting so they can decide what kind they want. He tells them the time and date at least three times, texts it to them twice and even tweets it to them half an hour before their appointment. They're still fifteen minutes late. To make matters worse, they show up with their hair messed up, clothing askew and the glazed look in their eyes that means they were definitely smoking up. Nick doesn't have an issue with that; he's friends with Ryan Luciani for fuck's sake, and it isn't like Jon and Ryan’s default setting isn't high as a kite or well on the way to being there anyway.

The problem is that they've smoked up just enough that they've got the munchies in the worst way, which makes cake tasting really, really pointless. "I'd say I can't believe you guys, but that's a complete lie," he says, rolling his eyes. "Do you guys have any opinions on any of those cakes?"

Jon's settled against Ryan’s side, arm around his waist and one hand in Ryan’s pocket. "They were really good?"

"Really, really fucking good," Ryan agrees

Nick laughs. "Yeah, let's go play Frisbee in the park."

---

"Jon," he sighs into the phone. "Jon can you tell me why my friend Juan called me this morning to ask why you missed your meal tasting?"

"We had a meal tasting?" Jon asks and Nick can hear the twang of a guitar in the background. Jon's working which means this conversation will be twice as pointless as usual. He sighs again and briefly wonders if he sounds like Cheryl before pressing on.

"Yes, it's your third one this week. I was going to ask which one you guys liked best today. I put this on your schedule on your iPhone last week."

"Oh umm, me and Ryan really liked them. The food was really great and everyone who served us was so nice," Jon tells him, vague and useless yet again. Nick's glad they keep liquor at the office.

"Did you guys at least send me your flower choices?" he asks because it's a pretty simple form, just marking next to pictures of flowers. Even Ryan and Jon couldn't fuck that up.

"Oh yeah! I sent it this morning," Jon says and Nick can hear him smiling. It makes him smile too and he's reminded of why he's doing this little favor for Jon and Ryan Ross. "Me and Ryan had a blast picking them out last night."

Nick makes a non-committal hmmm sound and opens up his email. Sure enough, there's an email from Jon with an attachment. He downloads it and when it opens he's taken aback for a second by all of the boxes that have been checked. "Jon, how many different kinds of flowers did you two pick?" he asks.

"Just a few dozen. We liked a lot of different flowers and we want them to look good together," Jon answers. "We figured you'd be happy about us making decisions and stuff."

Nick hangs up on him. He spends the rest of the day looking at old pictures of when he and Jon were in 5o4 Plan together to remind himself why he can't tell one of his oldest friends to take his wedding and shove it.

---

Jon and Ryan stop returning his calls when they start finalizing their album. They seem to have relocated to LA for the duration and Nick can't say he cares much because De'Mar's finally home from tour. "You missed me," he says, pulling De'Mar into their apartment. He hears De'Mar's suitcase hit the floor and the door close, and he's glad De'Mar remembered because he's way too busy trying to get De'Mar's clothes off to have bothered. "Admit it, you missed me so much, all of your days were less awesome without me." He cuts off whatever De'Mar's going to say with a deep kiss, and De'Mar pulls him closer. "You thought about me every day," Nick continues, between kisses. "Every hour. You couldn't stop thinking about me."

De'Mar shoves him into their bedroom and Nick lets him. He stretches out on his back while De'Mar pulls his clothes off, spreads his thighs when De'Mar joins him on the bed. "It fucking hurt being away from me for so long. Real fucking pain, like you'd lost a limb or something, like a part of you was gone and even knowing it was going to come back didn't make it feel any better. You can admit it, I won't judge you." Nick tips his face up and De'Mar leans in, cupping his face and kissing him, soft as he can.

"Yeah," De'Mar says, voice low. "You got me, that's exactly what I was like, every part of it."

"They're complete amateurs," Nick says afterwards, when he's on his side and De'Mar's half asleep. He's got that pleasant ache of the freshly fucked, and he stretches a bit, just so he can feel the inevitable twinge in his back and thigh muscles. It's not right that he has to go through these kinds of dry spells; he's married for fuck's sake.

"Huh?" De'Mar asks and Nick reaches out to run his fingers over De'Mar's chest.

"Jon and Ryan, they have no idea what they're doing."

"Aren't you an amateur?" De'Mar asks, clearly more awake than he was a second ago. "I mean, literally. It's not like you get paid for this shit."

Nick pinches De'Mar's nipple as hard as he can. "Ow! What the fuck, man!" De'Mar shouts and Nick rolls onto his back

"They're even more amateur than I am," he says, rolling his eyes. "They can't make decisions to save their fucking lives and as of this moment I basically have "no themes and an open bar" as the only definites for the damn thing."

"Yeah but you knew they'd be like that going in, right?" De'Mar asks, turning onto his side and pushing into Nick's space. Nick glares at him, but there isn't really a point because it's dark in the bedroom. "No seriously, Nick. It's not like you expected Jon and Ryan to suddenly become the type of guys who make decisions and express their ideas like regular people is it? Because it's Jon and Ryan, that's just not who they are."

Nick's quiet for a few minutes, and De'Mar sighs. "You totally expected them to make decisions, didn't you?" he asks.

"No,” Nick says petulantly because maybe he did, but De'Mar can't fucking prove it.

De'Mar sighs. "Go to bed, Nick," he says, kissing his cheek. Nick turns so his back is to De'Mar's front and De'Mar gets the idea, spooning him with a low chuckle. It doesn't take long for Nick to fall asleep.

---

He's still thinking about what De'Mar said the next day at work. He plays around with his Pantone color guide for a few hours in the morning and then emails Jon and Ryan with a couple of different color schemes. They all match their flower choices and to the best of Nick's knowledge are in line with their sense of aesthetics. pick one, email it back to me he says and includes a small color bar of each attached to the email.

me and Ryan like the one that looks like fall Jon emails back and just that easily, they have a color scheme. Nick's feeling better already. He sure as hell isn't going to give the credit to De'Mar though.

---

"Are we missing some flowers?" Jon asks, looking over the assortment in the florist's fridge. Ryan presses his face to the glass and nods.

"He's right, some of the flowers we wanted for the tables aren't here," Ryan says, looking back at Nick.

"They didn't match your color scheme. Besides, this way it's less than a dozen different types so you can get more and stay in your budget," Nick says.

"We have a budget?" Jon asks. Nick shakes his head and fills out the order form for the flowers.

The florist wraps a loose collection of their chosen flowers in some dark ribbon and Nick grabs it with a smile. "Of course you do. You're not made of money, Walker, no matter what you might want to think. Don't worry though; this is why you've got me.

"What are those for?" Ryan asks, nodding at the small bouquet of flowers Nick's carrying out the door.

"Comparison and stuff. You guys wanted a lot of flowers, so I'll plan around them," Nick says with a smile because it's sort of true. It's also true that he's got some clients coming in the office tomorrow that he wants to impress and that in general, flowers make the office look pretty. Ryan and Jon don't complain or even ask questions after that. Nick pats himself on the back.

---

meet me @ Sushi Wabi in 20 Nick texts De'Mar while shutting down his computer for the night.

big spender. c u there De'Mar texts back and Nick.

He's already there by the time Nick shows up, and Nick curses traffic and Shawn wanting to talk his ear off for what felt like hours that De'Mar beat him here.

"We're here for the tasting," Nick tells the hostess, ignoring De'Mar's look of confusion. She leads them back to a private table, and Nick's lucky that they start bringing courses right away.

"Nick, what the fuck is going on?" De'Mar asks, when their waiter explains exactly what's on their plates and how it's made.

"It's a tasting, I know you know how these things go," Nick answers.

"Yeah, but that was when we were getting married. And we're not. We already did." It doesn't stop De'Mar from taking a bite of his tempura vegetables, though, which Nick was counting on.

"Are you saying you wouldn't marry me again?" he asks and he's surprised by how affronted he is. "That's bullshit. You loved our wedding and you'd be lost without me."

"Of course," De'Mar answers, reaching out to rest his hand over Nick's. "And I'm looking forward to renewing our vows when we're fifty, but that doesn't change the fact that we shouldn't be here for any tastings since we're already married."

"It's for Jon and Ryan’s wedding." Nick takes a nice big bite of his tempura. It's not the best he's had but it's pretty fucking good. He could stand to get more for free at the wedding.

"Then why are we eating it?" De'Mar asks like he really doesn't want to know.

"Because Jon and Ryan can't be trusted to make decisions about weddings, De'Mar. I'll make a decision and run it by them, it'll be great."

De'Mar shakes his head. "I'm serious," Nick says. "Besides, in the meantime-" he points to the table "-free dinners!"

---

Nick wanders into the living room while De'Mar's idly strumming his guitar on the couch. He's looking for his copy of Elements of Color and munching on a cookie. "What are you doing?"De'Mar asks. The strumming stops so Nick assumes he's actually curious.

"I can't find my Elements of Color," he says, shoving the rest of his cookie in his mouth so he can get down on all fours and see if it's under the couch.

"What the hell are you eating? We don't have any more of those vegan cookies. You ate them all, De'Mar says and Nick shrugs and turns around to survey the rest of the room, trying to remember where he left the book. "No seriously, what are you eating?"

"Jon and Ryan’s wedding favors. I'm trying to decide which vegan friendly recipe I like best. Did you see me with it the other night? I know I was in here with it."

"You actually put it away on the shelf in your office. You made a big spectacle of doing it right," De'Mar tells him and follows Nick out of the room when he goes to grab it. "Why are you picking out Jon and Ryan’s wedding favors?"

"Have you not been paying attention to every single thing I've told you about planning this nightmare wedding?" Nick replies, grabbing his book off the shelf. He knows he's talked about it at length. He knows because the other day De'Mar fucked him from behind with his hand held tight over Nick's mouth so Nick would "shut the fuck up about the damn wedding." It had been hot. Nick came like three times.

"You're seriously making all of these decisions for them?" De'Mar looks like he can't believe what Nick is saying, which is kind of ridiculous considering De'Mar knows Nick and has known him for years.

"Why do you think they hired me?" Nick asks. De'Mar walks away. "No seriously!" Nick follows after him. "Jon and Ryan wouldn't have hired someone like me if they didn't expect me to take over for them!"

---

Nick doesn't cry at their wedding. He knows he doesn't cry because Mama Walker is up front really turning on the waterworks, and her husband isn't far behind her. Nick lets out a few manly sniffles and wipes at his eyes in a very macho way with the tissue that Brendon loans him. "Totally macho," De'Mar says afterwards after his third PBR. Nick knows that tone in his voice though. That’s De'Mar's making-fun-of-Nick voice.

"I'm a fountain of masculinity," Nick says and De'Mar starts laughing.

"Fuck you!" Nick says, flipping him off. De'Mar cups his cheek and tips his face up for a kiss.

When they meet up again with Jon and Ryan, Jon's grin is bigger than Nick's ever seen it.

"Nick!" Jon says, throwing his arms around him. "This is... Nick this is the best day of my life. Thanks, man. Thank you so much." Nick hugs him back, and it's crazy to think this is the same Jon Walker whose shitty band used to open for 5o4 Plan, the same Jon Walker that used to shove his smelly ass feet in Nick's face on long van trips while they toured.

"I'm glad I could make it happen for you, man." Nick squeezes Jon tight and has another manly sniffle. He has to wait to congratulate Ryan because Kanye's deep in conversation with him about clothes.

"Tell me more about paisley," Kanye says and Nick thinks this is probably a good time to interrupt.

"Hey, Ryan, congratulations. Way to make an honest man out of Jon," he says, holding out his hand. Ryan looks down at it and then back up at Nick and for just a second, he envelopes him in a hug. It's weird, all spindly arms and Ryan’s creepy ass fingers gripping tight to the back of Nick's jacket. Nick hugs back though, because this is Jon's husband. Fuck, Ryan is practically family now.

"This was perfect," he says, so low that Nick doubts anyone else can hear it. "Jon's so happy with it and... it's a lot better than I ever thought my wedding would be."

"I have a gift," Nick tells him, nodding. "I make parties happen. I make ordinary events special."

"Did you just call me and Jon ordinary?" Ryan asks and Nick shrugs.

"I call 'em like I see 'em, Ryan."

"Let's go get some cake," De'Mar breaks in, grabbing Nick's arm and dragging him away. "You never know how to just let a nice moment happen, do you?" De'Mar knows the answer to that, so Nick just concentrates on getting his slice of cake and flagging down someone on the wait staff to bring him another beer.

"So I heard you planned all of this," someone says after Nick's lost count of how many beers he's had. Nick turns his head to find none other than Spencer Smith.

"Guilty!" he tells him, lifting his bottle to him. He has no idea where De'Mar got off to, which is a shame. If he's this drunk, he should be getting laid.

"I can't believe you planned a wedding for Ryan Ross and Jon Walker," Spencer shakes his head. "Wasn't it kind of impossible? Weren't they kind of impossible?"

"Pfft," Nick scoffs. "The trick to working with Ryan and Jon is that you have to let them know whose boss. And the answer to that is the person who has taste and is a genius." Spencer looks skeptical so Nick leans in. "That's me."

Spencer laughs. "Yeah, clearly," he says, shaking his head. "Seriously though, thanks for making this great for them. They really love each other and they deserve this."

"You're a sweet guy, aren't you?" Nick asks

"Oh fuck you," Spencer says, shoving him and walking away. "You're the one who cried during the vows!" Nick ignores him, grabs another beer and goes to look for De'Mar.

---

Nick wakes up and wants to die. He has a splitting headache and his mouth tastes like something died in it. He can hear De'Mar groaning in the bathroom and the sound of an aspirin bottle. "Bring me some," he asks or at least tries. He gets as far as "br" before the sound of his own voice is so painful to his ears that he can't handle it anymore. De'Mar brings him some anyway along with a glass of water. His husband is the greatest man alive. He takes the pills and lies in bed for a few more minutes until there's a thump downstairs.

De'Mar's in the shower so Nick has to slowly creep out of his bedroom to find out the fuck it was. He finds Kanye sitting at their kitchen table, buttering a piece of toast and checking something on his iPhone.

"Kanye," he says, like an asshole because his head is still pounding and Kanye fucking West is eating toast at his table.

"Hey," Kanye says, nodding. "I just want to thank you both for last night."

Nick stops breathing. He's sure of it. This is no way Kanye is saying what Nick thinks he's saying. Even his life isn't that awesome.

"I mean it, Nick. You and De'Mar, y'all are righteous guys and I appreciate all of it.” He smiles at Nick, and Nick stands there blinking.

"Umm," he says because he has no idea how to ask, "Did we get our threesome and I'm not able to remember? Because I deserve a do-over!"

" Whose watch is this?" De'Mar asks, coming down the stairs already dressed and carrying the nicest fucking watch Nick has ever seen.

"Oh I was wondering where that went," Kanye says, reaching out for it. De'Mar hands it over silently. They both stand there, staring at Kanye for a second before turning to each other and trying to ask silent questions using only their facial expressions. There's a reason him and De'Mar always lose at fucking Charades.

"Hate to eat and run but I've got some meetings today with suppliers and I really can't be late." Kanye stands up and drapes his coat over his arm. "I already told Nick this, but I want you to know that I appreciated last night a lot. I feel like a doper person already, man." He reaches out, first to De'Mar and then to Nick and squeezes their shoulders in what feels to Nick like a significant way. Then he's gone.

"Dude, what the fuck happened last night?" Nick asks, sitting down with a thud. If he can't remember, maybe he can live vicariously through De'Mar. He hopes they ran a train on him.

"You don't remember?" De'Mar asks, and when Nick shakes his head, he leans against the counter. "Fuck, me neither. I blacked the fuck out last night. I was hoping you could tell me why Kanye was in our kitchen."

"Do you think we hit it?" he asks. Nick shrugs. "We should totally tell our friends that we hit it with him."

"Oh, of fucking course, man. We're making phone calls as soon as I brush my teeth and shower. I might take an ad out in the Red Eye."
Nick wakes up and wants to die. He has a splitting headache and his mouth tastes like something died in it. He can hear De'Mar groaning in the bathroom and the sound of an aspirin bottle. "Bring me some," he asks or at least tries. He gets as far as "br" before the sound of his own voice is so painful to his ears that he can't handle it anymore. De'Mar brings him some anyway along with a glass of water. His husband is the greatest man alive. He takes the pills and lies in bed for a few more minutes until there's a thump downstairs.

De'Mar's in the shower so Nick has to slowly creep out of his bedroom to find out the fuck it was. He finds Kanye sitting at their kitchen table, buttering a piece of toast and checking something on his iPhone.

"Kanye," he says, like an asshole because his head is still pounding and Kanye fucking West is eating toast at his table.

"Hey," Kanye says, nodding. "I just want to thank you both for last night."

Nick stops breathing. He's sure of it. This is no way Kanye is saying what Nick thinks he's saying. Even his life isn't that awesome.

"I mean it, Nick. You and De'Mar, y'all are righteous guys and I appreciate all of it.” He smiles at Nick, and Nick stands there blinking.

"Umm," he says because he has no idea how to ask, "Did we get our threesome and I'm not able to remember? Because I deserve a do-over!"

" Whose watch is this?" De'Mar asks, coming down the stairs already dressed and carrying the nicest fucking watch Nick has ever seen.

"Oh I was wondering where that went," Kanye says, reaching out for it. De'Mar hands it over silently. They both stand there, staring at Kanye for a second before turning to each other and trying to ask silent questions using only their facial expressions. There's a reason him and De'Mar always lose at fucking Charades.

"Hate to eat and run but I've got some meetings today with suppliers and I really can't be late." Kanye stands up and drapes his coat over his arm. "I already told Nick this, but I want you to know that I appreciated last night a lot. I feel like a doper person already, man." He reaches out, first to De'Mar and then to Nick and squeezes their shoulders in what feels to Nick like a significant way. Then he's gone.

"Dude, what the fuck happened last night?" Nick asks, sitting down with a thud. If he can't remember, maybe he can live vicariously through De'Mar. He hopes they ran a train on him.

"You don't remember?" De'Mar asks, and when Nick shakes his head, he leans against the counter. "Fuck, me neither. I blacked the fuck out last night. I was hoping you could tell me why Kanye was in our kitchen."

"Do you think we hit it?" he asks. Nick shrugs. "We should totally tell our friends that we hit it with him."

"Oh, of fucking course, man. We're making phone calls as soon as I brush my teeth and shower. I might take an ad out in the Red Eye." source

Lonewolf Diaries: Hollywood Men, Grow a Pair and Marry the Dame!

2009-08-26T11:56:00.000-07:00

by Steven Crowder

“Marriage is just a title,” “It’s a prejudice institution,” or my personal favorite, “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love.” We hear these nice little soundbytes from the cowardly men of Hollywood time and time again. Even more sadly, is that all too often, their leading ladies are conned into going along with it. Women, what are you thinking?! Don’t you realize that these chumps are playing you like a fiddle?

I was a groomsman at one of my best friend’s wedding this weekend. As I gazed across at the Bridesmaids all teary-eyed with an air of longing, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Man, Johnny Depp’s a douche.” The truth is that behind every anti-marriage sermon given from a Hollywood hubby, there’s an incredibly disappointed lady. I don’t care how much of a “strong, independent woman” you are; all little girls dream of their perfect wedding day. Before the feminists get upset, let me tell you that none of this comes from a place of sexism. It comes from an endeared heart. It’s why little boys would rather play “Space Aliens” and little girls would rather play “House.” Your inherent ability for compassion and nurturing is what makes you the best among us.

It also happens to be exactly what makes the Johnny Depps, Tim Robbins, Kurt Russells and Brad Pitts of the world the most selfish dipsticks on the planet. Robbing the woman that you “love” of her wedding day is deplorable. The concept of love (we’re talking about actual love here, not the silly Hollywood version) involves esteeming her needs and desires before your own. I don’t care if you want to “play the field” or if you truly don’t feel the need for a piece of paper to confirm your affection, because I guarantee you that deep down… she does.

Now I’m sure some of you are wondering about the Megan Foxs of the world. You know, the girls who claim that they are “not the marrying type.” I’ll tell you what: show me one of these girls, and every single time, I will show you a pansy-man behind the charade who has either A) denied her marriage to the point of reluctant acceptance on the woman’s behalf, or B) actually conned the poor dame into believing his crap. The Megan Foxs of the world are the perfect target for germ-balls–they’re hot… and dumb as a bag of hammers.

Keep in mind, ladies, that men are always and will always be sexually predatorial by nature. We can’t change it; it’s who we are. We can however choose on how to act on said urges and what kind of moral filter we’ll be running them through. The type of guy who selfishly refuses to marry is probably not the kind of chap who’s concerned with fine-tuning his moral compass.

The first thing that goes through his mind when a cuter, younger babe approaches him will inevitably be, “Hey, I’m not married!” Keep that in mind, ladies.

To all the honest guys out there, back me up on this one. To the ladies, is this news to you? Do you actually think that the male mind is anything short of disgusting?

Finally, to all of the gutless yellow-bellied Hollywood leading men… Sack up, do the right thing, put a ring on her finger and give her the true commitment and respect that she deserves. Period.

Free Marriage Counseling

2009-08-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

Israel and America are having one of those periodic marital spats they have had over the years, replete with “I-am-not-taking-any-more-of-your-guff” outbursts by Obama officials at American Jewish leaders, and, yes — it wouldn’t be a real Israel-U.S. dust-up without it — Israeli accusations that Jewish Obama aides are “self-hating Jews,” working out their identity crises by working over Israel. Having been to this play before, and knowing both families, I’d like to offer some free marriage counseling.

Skip to next paragraph

Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

Thomas L. Friedman

Here’s what Israelis need to understand: President Obama is not some outlier when it comes to Israel. His call for a settlements freeze reflects attitudes that have been building in America for a long time. For the last 40 years, a succession of Israeli governments has misled, manipulated or persuaded naïve U.S. presidents that since Israel was negotiating to give up significant territory, there was no need to fight over “insignificant” settlements on some territory. Behind this charade, Israeli settlers bit off more and more of the West Bank, creating a huge moral, security and economic burden for Israel and its friends.

As Bradley Burston, a columnist for Israel’s Haaretz newspaper, put it last week: “The settlement movement has cost Israel some $100 billion. ... The double standard which for decades has favored settlers with inexpensive housing, heavily subsidized social services, and blind-eye building permits has long been accompanied by a kid-gloves approach regarding settler violence against Palestinians and their property. ... Settlers and settlement planners have covertly bent and distorted zoning procedures, military directives, and government decrees in order to boost settlement, block Palestinian construction, agriculture, and access to employment, and effectively neutralize measures intended to foster Israeli-Palestinian peace progress.”

For years, the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations and the pro-Israel lobby, rather than urging Israel to halt this corrosive process, used their influence to mindlessly protect Israel from U.S. pressure on this issue and to dissuade American officials and diplomats from speaking out against settlements. Everyone in Washington knows this, and a lot of people — people who care about Israel — are sick of it.

The Times’s Jerusalem bureau chief, Ethan Bronner, captured the we-are-untouchable arrogance of the settlers last week when he quoted Rabbi Yigael Shandorfi, leader of a religious academy at the settlement of Nahliel, calling Mr. Obama in a speech “that Arab they call a president.”

So if Mr. Obama has bluntly pressed for a settlements freeze, he is, in fact, reflecting a broad sentiment in Congress, the Pentagon and among many Americans, Jews included. Haaretz quoted Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as calling two Obama aides pushing the freeze “self-hating Jews.” Bibi’s spokesman denies he said that. I hope he didn’t. When you have to trot that one out, you’re really, really out of ammo.

What about Mr. Obama? He has nothing to apologize for policy-wise. The president is working on a deal whereby Israel would agree to a real moratorium on settlement building, Palestinians would uproot terrorists and the Arab states would begin to normalize relations — with visas for Israelis, trade missions, media visits and landing rights for El Al. If the president can pull this off, it would be good for everyone. But going forward, if peace talks get under way, there are a few style points Mr. Obama should keep in mind.

One is: Don’t get into the business of apportioning historical blame for this conflict, which his Cairo speech veered into. Palestinians don’t believe they are to blame for this problem; neither do Israelis. A religious Israeli professor friend of mine said it well: “People will give a lot if they think they are not guilty. My mother says to me: ‘Look, I am ready to give them Jerusalem, but don’t tell me that I started it.’ ”

The other point is: Israel has real enemies. Iran’s president says the Holocaust is a myth, that Israel should be wiped away. And, he’s trying to build a nuclear bomb. Israel unilaterally withdrew from South Lebanon and Gaza. Its leaving was messy, but it got out. And the first thing it got back was rockets. Israelis are like most people; they listen through their stomachs. That is, connect with them on a gut level that says you understand where they live, and you can take them anywhere. Don’t connect on a gut level, and you can’t take them anywhere read more

Is Your Husband Showing Signs of Bisexuality?

2009-07-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

Are you wondering if your husband might be bisexual? If you are, you need to know what to look out for. There is a lot of confusion about what real signs of bisexuality in a man are. Sometimes there are habits a man has that are often though of as "gay" or "bisexual" behavior, but they are really things that any man could be doing, and are not a real indicator of bisexuality. So before you come to the conclusion that he is bisexual, you need to make sure that you know what the signs of bisexuality are.

Some things that are not an indicator (on their own) of bisexuality or gay tendencies are: having a lot of gay friends, being concerned about his appearance, being particular of what kinds of shampoos and creams he uses, preferring male friends over female friends.

One definite indicator of bisexuality is that he watches gay or bisexual porn. Other signs that are strong signs of bisexuality are that he prefers anal sex, has a gay friend who he spends a lot of time alone with, getting a lot of personal gifts from men, and reading gay literature.

Of course, it's important to look at the whole picture and not get hung up on one particular detail. In most cases, there is a combination of these signs and you may just have a lot of very subtle indicators-- but you do need to pay attention to them all.

Keep in mind though, that there is no reason for a man to be watching gay or bisexual porn other than that he is gay or bisexual. If he does this, there really isn't anything to talk about, despite whatever reasons he may have told you.

Now that you know what the signs of bisexuality are, you can start to take action. For more information on how to deal with a bisexual husband, visit SignsOfABisexualHusband.com

Stay involved, PTSD spouses

2009-07-06T14:05:00.000-07:00

Spouse Calls bloggers have been discussing the necessity of keeping families involved in counseling for veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder. Here are excerpted comments from two wives:

I went to an appointment at the VA with my husband. His counselor was surprised to see me since my husband told her I wasn’t interested in going with him. (I’ve been asking him to let me go for two years).

My husband went on a rant and got the whole office in a stir. The shocker was that he has never told his counselor or psychiatrist that (we) were having major issues. He told them nothing about how he wanted a divorce, or how he told me he doesn’t love me anymore … or that I am in counseling, or about his drug use, or lack of interest in the family. This whole time I thought that he was in there discussing how to re-connect with his family, but instead he is in there putting me down and making me look like this horrible wife. He never told his counselor what was really going on at home. For two years he has been fooling her.

He started treating me like one of his private soldiers right in front of all of them. He was degrading and loud and … I was so overwhelmed I had to walk out.

I am learning that I have to work on me. I have to regain my courage and self esteem. I am continuing with my own personal counseling. … I’m afraid of living in this yo-yo life forever.

I just want all of you in my position to know that you can feel better, but it will get worse before it gets better. It’s hard, but please, for the sake of you, your children, and your family, you need to seek counseling for yourself. I have a long road to travel, but I will slowly find my way. If I can do it, you can do it.

My own husband is in his third detox facility in the past six months. He does what he’s supposed to on paper, but not based on his behavior.

The charge nurse called me today and we had a conference call with my husband. She suspects he has sneaked in drugs.

At the end of the call, she asked him if he was serious about getting sober and staying that way. He had no answer. I want him to do well and want to get better. I want him to be the guy I met and fell in love with, but he’s not.

I stay in touch with the staff at the facility … The therapist wanted me there to ensure accuracy of the history that my husband gave her. … They are definitely keeping me involved, although I’m not sure that this will mean a better outcome for our marriage ... read more www.stripes.com

What is a Prenuptial Agreement?

2009-06-20T08:04:00.000-07:00

A prenuptial agreement is a contract between spouses that outlines the plan for distributing finances in the event of one partner's death or in case of divorce. These agreements are sometimes referred to as "premarital agreements" or, more commonly, abbreviated as "prenups."

Without such an agreement, deciding how to distribute assets and debts will be left to the divorce court. The court will make these decisions as a part of the divorce proceeding.

Bear in mind that a prenup is not the final word in a divorce. That said, if the agreement is executed properly, it will likely have significant weight in a divorce court's ruling. In most states, a prenuptial agreement is viewed as valid by the divorce court if it meets the following criteria:

It must be a written agreement, as oral agreements are not recognized in many divorce courts. The prenuptial agreement should be formal, and notarized, to minimize the risk of a court not recognizing the document.

It must be signed voluntarily by both parties. If the agreement indicates that one party coerced the other into signing, the court has the option not to honor it.

The prenuptial agreement must contain a fair and full disclosure of all assets of both parties. Concealing debt information may also lead to a dismissal of the agreement.

The agreement must be conscionable. In other words, it must not contain excessive benefits or penalties for one party or the other.

Finally, the prenuptial agreement must be signed by both parties in front of a notary public. Attorneys may draft the agreement, but the spouses are required to sign it.

These are the general requirements for a prenuptial agreement to be recognized in most divorce courts, but keep in mind that each state has unique requirements. A divorce lawyer should know what to include in a prenuptial agreement to protect your rights while keeping the agreement as recognizable as possible.

Who benefits from a prenuptial agreement?

This type of agreement may benefit people in any number of circumstances, including those who:

Have significant assets
Own a business
Expect to receive an inheritance
Have children or grandchildren from a previous marriage
Are notably wealthier than their fiance
Intend to pay for a spouse's education
Have obligations to support other family members
Are studying in a potentially lucrative field
Forecast a significant income increase in the future

You may want to include the following components in a prenuptial agreement. This is not a complete list, and an attorney can help you fully assess your needs.

You and your spouse's debt and asset division
Protecting one party from certain debts
Maintaining separate finances and assets
Managing money, bill payment, handling credit cards, and tax filings
Property distribution to children from earlier marriages
Keeping certain items within a family

Prenuptial agreements normally do not outline non-financial matters, child support or custody agreements, and some can include a clause that allows the agreement to expire after a certain number of years of marriage, known as a "sunset clause"

It is recommended that any prenuptial agreement be prepared significantly in advance of the wedding. Consult a divorce attorney as you consider this option, and ask all the questions you need to determine whether a prenup is in your best interest.

Can I Save My Marriage? Marriage Advice From a Divorcee

2009-06-12T15:49:00.000-07:00

Can I Save My Marriage? Simple Tips to Save Your Marriage

Some marriages end up in a divorce after failing to settle the problems. There maybe a time that you will ask yourself, "How can I save my marriage if my spouse wants to leave me?" It is not easy to save a troubled marriage, but if you are able to deal the problems with the right methods, things are likely to turn out okay. Divorce is not something that you deserve it if you still have the feeling of love for your spouse. Here are some simple tips on how you can save your marriage.

- Understand the problems
Couples that end up up in divorce normally did not understand the real reasons of the break up. They tend to overlook the importance of understanding the problems and naturally the problems start to snowball, making it difficult to solve the resentment feeling. This is exactly where couples feel that they can't save their marriage when they cannot solve the issues. The fact is at least 80% of the problems found in marriages can be easily solved when they are using the right methods.

- Discuss your problems
Find a good opportunity to discuss the problems with your spouse. Even if your spouse is unresponsive to save this marriage, do it slowly. Never rush or force your spouse to do anything that he or she doesn't like. It may be difficult to get your spouse to participate in saving your marriage initially, but as you are doing right, you will see your spouse responding to the changes.

- Be patient and never give up
If your love for your spouse is real and strong, he or she can feel it. Even though there maybe times you will wonder "can I save my marriage?" and feel like giving up, but please stay positive and determine to make this marriage a success, I am sure your effort will be worthwhile if you can see your marriage happy and blissful again. important tips

Marriage Advice From a Divorcee

What marriage advice can a divorce person possibly give? It would seem divorcees would have very little advice to hand out, since we have failed at our own marriages. However, we often learn more about ourselves in retrospect than we do at the present moment.

It takes time to step back from the hurt, pain, and disappointment of a broken marriage. At the beginning of a divorce, there is a lot of blame. But after the dust settles, the tears have dried, the ink on the divorce papers have made their indelible mark, there comes a time when we see more clearly and we understand more fully what part we may have played in the dissolution of our own marriage.

What have I learned from being divorced? It takes two to make a marriage. Not just two people living side by side, but two equally willing people, who are committed to keeping the relationship alive, fresh, living, vital, and ever evolving. When either party becomes complacent in marriage, a slow creeping death ensues. Love and marriage requires diligence to make it successful. It's not something that stays alive on its own. Like a garden, it has to be tended, watered, weeded, fertilized, and watched over.

Successful marriages take commitment, forgiveness, sacrifice, compromise, and above all maturity. We often marry without these qualities in our lives, or we come into a relationship without a clear understanding of the work involved to keep a marriage healthy. Acts of love, respect, honesty, communication, and partnership are extremely important, and it's a juggling act to keep all of these actions in play throughout the seasons of married life. Marriage is an all-out effort, and the most intimate covenant relationship you'll ever enter into with another human being. Our ever changing throw away, give-up society plays havoc on our commitment. We're told if we don't like it, replace it. It's easier to walk away than to stay.

Many people ask the question: Should I get a divorce?

Statistics are alarming. The U.S. Census Bureau reports the following: The average age for a first divorce for males is 30.5 and females 29. The average age for a second divorce for males is 39.3 and females 37. The duration of first marriages that end in divorce is approximately 7 years, and the duration for second marriages is approximately 7 years. (Must be the 7-year itch!) Only 52% of all marriages make it to their 15th wedding anniversary, only 33% make it through to their 25th, and a slim 5% make it to their 50th. People who have divorced at least twice, have a 73% chance that their third marriage will fail too.

What's wrong? Is it because divorce is so easy and commitment is so hard? As humans, we haven't learned the basic skills of intelligent loving relationships that last. It's obvious, because statistics show we bring our mistakes from marriage to marriage, and couples find the pain of staying and working things out greater than the pain they may have to face in a divorce.

The decision to divorce should never be left as the last decision to be made in any marriage relationship. It's obvious as humans we're missing it somewhere after the rings go on our fingers. Our love is transient, convenient, and self enhancing. We have lost the skills to stay married, because we never learned them to begin with before we tied the knot. We married in the height of love and passion, but didn't consider the consequences or cost of what it takes to make love last.

Staying married is a decision we need to make at the beginning of the relationship that we will do absolutely everything in our power to make it work, whether it takes swallowing our pride, getting counseling, reading books, going to seminars, or forgiving daily the offenses that could pile up into ugly mountains. We need to make the effort to keep our marriages alive and not let them stagnate into divorce court. If you're at the breaking point now, it's not too late to reassess your vows and make that decision with your mate, if they are willing.

I'm reminded of a movie entitled Laws of Attraction staring Julianne Moore and Pierce Brosnan that was released in 2004. They were both divorce lawyers who fell in love. One statement that stood out in that movie was the passion people showed in the divorce court. The character played by Pierce Brosnan asked the question, "Where was that passion in saving the marriage?" http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Vicki_Hopkins

How to Motivate Husband

2009-06-04T10:51:00.000-07:00

Understanding How Men Think - How to Motivate Your Husband

You can motivate your husband and strengthen his feelings of love for you by communicating your appreciation for him and the things he does for you. When he has worked hard all day and he comes home feeling stressed out and exhausted, your gratitude for what he has done, will rejuvenate him and give him a feeling of satisfaction.

When your man is in love with you, his greatest aspiration in your marriage is to please you. If he can do that, he feels like a winner, but if he can't, he may feel like a failure.

He feels responsible for your happiness, and if you always seem to be discontent, he may feel like he's not a good husband and will eventually quit trying to please you.

If he does something for you and you don't show any excitement or gratitude, he will not feel motivated to do anything else for you.

For instance, if he takes you out to eat and you grumble about the food or the restaurant, he feels like it is his fault. But it makes him feel good if he's assured that you enjoyed the meal and had a good time.

One of the secrets of a good marriage: most husbands prefer to have their woman "do" less for him and be more grateful for he "does" for her. If you have been working hard to be a good wife, relax and simply enjoy what he is doing for you.

Practice being appreciative, not only for any gifts he gives you but also for the things he does around the house, for the paycheck he brings home, or for being a good father. Find something to be thankful for.

Appreciating your husband is a powerful way to motivate him and stir up his feelings of love for you. Develop the habit of looking for things to be grateful for and watch your marriage blossom.

Discover FREE tools that will help you become a confident, happy wife at Marriage Tips For Women

Marriage and Finances

2009-05-13T15:21:00.000-07:00

Marriage and Finances - What to Do Before You Say, I Do

When my husband and I got married, we were a bit surprised to find out just how much combined debt we each had. We had been dating for almost five years before we got married. We had kind of discussed finances and how we would do things but in all honesty; we had discussed the wedding budget and the finances of that big event a lot more than we discussed the finances of our other big event, namely the rest of our lives together!

Money and money management (or the lack thereof) is the biggest source of arguments and stress in a marriage (and one of the top five reasons for divorces). Of course, there are two sides to every issue and it falls to both partners in a relationship to seek answers and information in regards to their future spouse's finances. A person who puts their head in the sand is as guilty as the person who didn't disclose information in the first place. Here are a few things to work out before you walk down the aisle;

-Full disclosure- Surprising your new spouse with your debt load AFTER the wedding ceremony is unfair and can lead to hard feelings which will undoubtedly lead to arguments. Don't forget that NOT asking about your future spouse's finances makes your just as responsible. Sit down and share everything!

-Credit score- I recently heard a wonderful statement about your credit score. "Your credit score is your adult report card. It tells everyone how you manage your finances and possibly your life." Credit scores are now reviewed by potential employers, insurance companies, lenders, cell phone companies (before they give you a contract) and utility suppliers. A bad credit score will mean you're paying more for auto insurance, loans (if you can get one at all) and possibly stuck in a lousy job. Love doesn't necessarily conquer all, especially when it comes to money! Both of you need to share your credit scores with each other and understand what ramifications a bad score will have on your financial relationship and future plans.

-Discuss who is going to handle paying the bills. Finding out three months into your marriage, when the electricity is turned off, that both of you thought the other was paying the bills (because you both hate doing it) isn't a good way to start your relationship together. This does NOT mean that if your spouse will handle the bill paying that you can walk away and be in the dark! Both of you need to be fully aware of ALL the bills and everything that is coming into the household and everything going out. On the flip side, be aware of a spouse who wants complete control and doesn't want you to "worry about a thing." There are many couples who end up in bad situations because one person keeps financial secrets from the other (and managed to do it because they handled and controlled all the bills).

-Talk about your financial philosophies. Marriage counselors will tell you not to marry someone expecting to change them. In addition, opposites may attract in many ways but when it comes to finances, that isn't generally true. A married hardcore saver and hardcore spender will quickly realize that they've got serious issues.

-Financial goals. Talk about where both of you want to be, financially, in 10, 20 or 30 years. This can tie in with your financial philosophies as well. Talk about how you think you might accomplish those goals, too. Finding out that your spouse wants to retire early and thinks the best way to accomplish this is to never buy a house or have kids AND have you work two jobs might not sit well with you. Best you know this now!

In the end, it's not impossible for two people with different views to come together and find common ground as far as finances are concerned. It can take compromise on both sides of the financial issues. One party can't be forced or tricked into compromise either. If you feel that finances WILL be an issue then you should consider counseling or worse case, reconsider the marriage. The financial situation won't be any better if you have to spend thousands dissolving a marriage.

Tammy Paquin is a work from home mom of 3 boys. She is the publisher of Frugal-Families, a site devoted to frugality, budgeting, families and helping everyone stretch their hard-earned dollars. For another good article on debt and marriage visit, Debt Under Construction.

Marriage and Money - Can Love Survive a Budget?

2009-04-14T10:13:00.000-07:00

Can love survive a budget? Picture a newlywed couple talking dollars and cents and discussing money saving tips - not exactly the picture of romance! So, can love survive a budget? I say it can't survive without it.

Let me explain.

Money problems are often cited as the number one reason for divorce. Whether that's true or not is subject to debate but no one can argue that money problems are definitely a cause for friction in a relationship. Talking about money is such a taboo subject, but it's such an integral part of a long term relationship that I think it's essential to lay the groundwork.

Here are some tips on how to do that:

Talk about it upfront. Discuss who brings in how much and how it will be allocated. Agree on a budget.
One person has to be assigned as the one in charge of the household budget. This doesn't mean one is more powerful than the other. It's just a matter of matching tasks to personality. Click here to find your money personality.
Decide on whether or not to merge your finances. I won't argue either camp because both options can work well as long as it's mutually agreed upon. to pay it down as soon as possible..
Set clear expectations of each others roles. Is it a 50/50 partnership where both parties are responsible for bringing in income? Or is one person, usually the man, expected to be the main breadwinner. Whatever arrangement works for your marriage and money. But spell it out so there is no misunderstanding.
If your spouse is bringing debt to the union while you are debt free, don't turn your back and say 'not my problem', because it could become your problem if you end up owning assets together (e.g. a house). Figure out a debt management plan.

Budgeting is by no means romantic. But when the bills are paid, debt is under control and there's money set aside for emergencies, it certainly frees you up for romance! Whatever romance your budget allows - a night out of splurging or love on a dime!

http://www.simple-tips-on-budgeting.com

Ways to Save a Marriage

2009-03-30T11:07:00.000-07:00

Ways to Save a Marriage - How to Begin the Journey Toward a Renewed Relationship

Finding ways to save a marriage is an important subject in our world. The statistics of failed marriages and divorce are at all time highs. Unfortunately, many do not even bother with finding or seeking ways to save a marriage before the talk of divorce begins. This is a sad fact considering it is often quite possible to find ways to save a marriage that seems to be irreparable.

Now, it goes without saying that it is easier if the husband and wife are both together seeking ways to save the marriage. However, it is possible, and even the norm, that it is one partner who is actively interested in turning things around. Often the partner who is not involved or motivated for the renewing of the marriage can turn around and become involved. This will not happen by badgering, convincing, or other methods of "showing them the way". It involves actions, love, and time.

As stated previously, there are as many ways to save a marriage as there are ways that bring a couple to a crisis. For those who are struggling in their marriage, here are three points to consider before thoughts and planning start or continue to veer toward separation or divorce.

First, know this: There ARE ways to save a marriage. Even if things look bleak at the moment, there is hope. An important exercise is to not focus completely on what is going wrong at the moment. Take time to realistically remember the love that brought you together. Realize and affirm that this love and commitment was strong and fervent. Focus on the fact that the love and commitment you began with was, and is, important. The marriage vows that were given were for better or worse. This may be a bad time, but the love can be renewed. There are ways to save a marriage.

Second, seek out good information on ways to save a marriage, even if your partner is not interested in working on the relationship at this point. Seeking good information is important because every couple who are having marital trouble are experiencing different circumstances. There are no simple "one size fits all" answers. During this step of gaining good information it is important to not try to force or beg your partner to work on the relationship. If they are not willing at this point, it is best to do your learning on your own. During this time focus on just loving your partner, even if it is hard or if you are not being loved in return. This may seem difficult, but it is one of the ways to save a marriage.

Third, when all the information you have found on ways to save a marriage has been thoroughly digested and understood, it is time for action. This is where commitment to saving the marriage is lived out in the flesh. If only one partner is trying, this is admittedly a difficult part. There may be times the effort does not seem to produce results. Commitment is the key to success in this stage. Many, many people have brought healing and renewal to a hurting marriage by perseverance. Remember, in seeking ways to save a marriage, it is a given that it may not be easy. The restoration, however, can lead to the strongest of marriages.

Those seeking the ways to save a marriage may feel overwhelmed and alone at times. It is difficult to make a plan when intense emotions are involved. It is important to seek out good quality information on Ways To Save A Marriage.

For those wanting to renew or strengthen their relationships, visit Save This Marriage

Marriage Problems Create Emotional Distress

2009-03-23T11:48:00.001-07:00

A recent University of Utah study concluded that marriage problems lead to heart problems in women. Although science has now proven what most women already know, that provides little relief for the wife plagued with intense emotional stress.

Finances, in-laws, children, work, etc. all compete for your time and attention and often put a wedge between you and your spouse. Marriage can slide into second, third, or fourth place too easily as you try to balance all the demands of daily living. You can't be all things to all people yet for many of you, you'll die trying, literally.

When the stresses of marriage overwhelm you, you may begin to distance yourself from others as you just can't handle any more problems. You may find it difficult to resolve conflicts and your primary relationship, your marriage, is the one that suffers most.

When the most important relationship in life is at stake, you no longer have a strong shoulder to lean on and a confidante to help you deal with life's problems. You begin to feel all alone and hopeless. This is when many women internalize their responses to stress and attempt to live beyond themselves. Denial is the first choice for many women but emotional outbursts are at the opposite pole, while some women bounce from one extreme to the other. All of these eventually cause negative health effects.

Suppressing feelings or expressing feelings are the two methods most people choose to deal with their emotions but neither gives the relief you need. You first must identify exactly how you feel before you can know which one, if either, of those methods will help solve the problem.

People usually don't take the time to think through their feelings before responding to them. Many people don't want to deal with what's causing the negative emotions but there is no other way to find a solution unless you first identify the problem. Without taking that first and most crucial step, you will continue in the unhealthy cycle of emotional responses of denial or outburst.

A person ruled by their emotions is headed for despair. You must master your feelings or they will become a harsh master over you.

Research has proven that your mental health has a profound effect on your physical health. Now is the time to learn how to identify and properly express your feelings, before they surface as health problems. You must learn coping strategies that work, based on reason, not feelings, or you will begin to suffer physically.

When you get pulled in too many directions , there is not enough left of you to work on your marriage, or your mental health. But you can improve your physical health and overall emotional well-being by improving your marriage. Don't wait another minute. Put the brakes on everything else that's causing your stress and focus on your number one relationship.

Do something healthy for your heart...deal with your marriage problems TODAY!

Nannette Klein invites you to accept her FREE gift, 7 Days to Restore Your Marriage//

Don't Stay in a Broken Marriage "For the Children"

2009-03-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

If you are clear that you are miserable in your relationship, don't procrastinate on getting a divorce "for the sake of the children." While some experts would argue that having one parent move out of the home increases the stress on young children, consider the likelihood that the benefit of no longer seeing Mommy and Daddy fighting far outweighs any negative effects.

The premise for the remainder of this article is that you have already explored all avenues for rebuilding an empowering relationship with your spouse - you have talked, you have had counseling, you have contemplated your future.

Having determined that a happy relationship is no longer possible, you are considering remaining in your unhappy marriage "for the sake of the children." Don't do it. Here's why:

1. While growing up with two happy parents who love each other is probably the ideal nurturing environment for children, living with one happy parent is far better than living with two people who are unhappy and hate each other.

2. However noble your intentions, you are not going to be able to fake happiness for long. Your children will recognize your unhappiness almost at once, and that will cause them great suffering.

3. While you and your spouse may make an agreement never to argue or treat each other badly in front of the children, you will not be able to keep such an agreement. You will exchange icy stares, unkind words, and sarcasm - if not worse - in spite of your resolve and idealism.

4. Your own well-being does matter, don't discount the importance of your own happiness. Martyrdom is highly over-rated. There is no special place in heaven for those who suffer for no good reason. Don't let guilt - which is also highly over-rated - cause you to make a decision that will certainly cause misery for both yourself and your children.

5. It is your decision - and you are responsible only to yourself in making this decision. Don't be bullied by your partner, parents, relatives, friends, or church. They may have some so-called "moral" position, but the only important factors to consider in making this decision are your children's well-being and your own.

Sign-Up for Jonathan's Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email, and read his blog

Jonathan Lockwood Huie is an author of self-awareness books. He has been dubbed "The Philosopher of Happiness" by those closest to him, in recognition of his on-going commitment to seeing Joy in all of life

** Today is your day to dance lightly with life. It really is. - jonathan lockwood huie.

Are You a Newly Married Husband Having Marital Sex Problems?

2009-03-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

If you are a young man who has recently joined the ranks of married men, then the odds are high that you're about to run into significant marital trouble...especially if your new wife isn't very experienced in the realm of sexual expression.

For some new husbands, sexual problems pop up right away -- sometimes even before they get back from their honeymoon.

Here's one common reason why...

Many a young lady has been programmed for nearly two decades by her mother and other "well-meaning" women that "sex is bad", "men only want one thing", etc.

Further, many a young lady grows up hearing the women in her life complaining about the relationship they have with their husband -- bombarding her highly impressionable young female ears with all sorts of negative opinions, non-useful perspectives, and sometimes downright harmful beliefs about sex and men.

Well, many things of a sexual nature are inappropriate for a young girl and a good mother will wisely guide her daughter away from and around such things.

After she gets a older, a good mother will counsel her daughter that being unmarried and promiscuous has enough negative consequences that she is best served by avoiding sex.

However, sex IS completely appropriate within a marriage and not only is it appropriate, it's a good, healthy, and important part of a marriage.

Unfortunately, most new wives never had a mother or other female figure who helped them make this distinction...all the young lady got was, "Sex is bad".

And, to make things particularly insidious, the new wife's belief systems are mostly if not completely subconscious.

Rare is the new wife who will consciously think about her new relationship with her husband and compare, contrast, and consider that with her own carefully thought out beliefs.

Rare is the new wife who will put real thought into her needs, her husbands needs, her communication methods, his communication methods, etc and come up with a consciously rational perspective and approach to her marriage.

Instead, she finds herself mentally grappling with and struggling with an unconscious battle between "I'm supposed to have sex with my husband" and "Sex is bad".

Significantly, this unconscious battle that this new wife is battling is so real - even though it is unconscious - that she will literally begin manifesting health problems. The most common ones being extreme tiredness, pain during intercourse, and yeast infections.

So, what does all of this mean to you as a new husband?

It means you are faced with a challenge...a challenge that will either make or break your marriage.

Specifically, the challenge is for you to LEARN how to create a safe, secure, trusting environment wherein you gently LEAD your new wife into that place where she can comfortably express her sexuality and know that it's the proper thing to do in her marriage...not only for her husband's sake, but for her sake as well.

And, you are a man. You are made by God to take on challenges, to establish goals, to achieve, accomplish, and overcome. You can do it.

Really, it's an honorable and exciting journey that you get to take you and your new wife on...the destination being one of open and exciting sexual expression by both you and your wife.

Enjoy both the journey and the destination!

Husbands who want a happier, more sexual marriage relationship, get this help: http://www.NymphomaniacWife.com

Husbands who are doing everything they know to do and still there is lack of intimacy in their marriage relationship, get this help: http://www.MoreSexForMen.com

Tips For Saving Your Marriage

2009-03-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

Are you and your spouse fighting or shutting each other out? Have you talked about divorce, wondered about it, or just feel like there could be so much more to your marriage? Wherever you are there is always hope for your relationship and here are some tips to help you save your marriage.

At the end of the day marriages break down because of conflict. In fact it is not solving conflict that is the leading cause of divorce. So whatever you are disagreeing about things like Sex, money, kids, jobs, etc. you have to be able to listen to each other and resolve the issues or your marriage will continue to struggle. Either yelling at each other or ignoring the problem actually makes it worse, so you need to learn how to deal with these issues and create and environment that these issues can be worked on.

Here are a few more tips as you take steps towards saving your relationship.

1. Don't forget to make time for fun. Couples often get too busy to enjoy life together so all they have time to do is talk about their issues. These issues do need to be talked about, but the conversations always go better when they are between people who are working on their friendship. Did you previously enjoy tennis, watching movies together, or cooking together? Why not surprise them and dust off the rackets and "accidentally" wind up at the courts next time you run some errands.

2. Deal with one issue at at time. Often issues become much more heated because we pull in every frustration we have all at once. Things will go better if you are only dealing with one at time so don't back the truck up on them, just take one thing at a time and you will be amazed at how much better conversations go.

3. Don't forget the romance. When is the last time you told them how much you loved them and put it on a post it note and left it somewhere they would find later? How about emails, texts, cards, flowers, or a creative date? When we get sideways with each other these are the kinds of things that are often first to go. However if we can make ourselves do small things like this it will go a long way with our spouse and will remind us again just how much we love them.

There are lots of other great tips as well as skills you can learn that will help you save your marriage. Just make sure you don't give up. Marriages can turn around no matter how bad they are as long as there is at least one person who is committed to the relationship.

Here is the best information I have found and it contains some great Tips For Saving Your Marriage simply Click Here and you can being learning the necessary skills to put your marriage back together.

How to Deal With a Sexless Marriage - Put the Fire Back in Your Marriage

2009-03-05T14:07:00.000-08:00

Getting your marriage back to the way it was can be the answer to the question of how to deal with a sexless marriage. This goal can be as easy as exhausting a little time and effort; it is not like the love is gone, you just have to find a way back into her heart. Be subtle. You don't want to make any hasty moves that will cause your wife to leave the home temporarily or consider divorce, so just take it slow. Think back to when the two of you first met and try and rekindle the flame inside of your marriage by becoming "Mr. Romantic" again.

Flowers. Send your wife flowers at work without reason to express to her that you love and care for her; roses are usually a woman's favorite but I am quite sure that you know the ones to purchase. Cook her a beautiful meal at home. Yes, you could very well take her to a very expensive restaurant but use your cooking skills to add that very personal touch. She will appreciate you even more.

Start spending quality time with your wife. I am not saying that the two of you should stick to each other like glue but do things together to initiate a good flowing conversation and spark interest within the relationship.

You can always go out and cheat but is that what you want? Will cheating on your spouse make you feel better or make the communication easier within your marriage? Physically you will be sexually relieved and back to your "normal self" whatever that is but you still have not achieved the sexual gratification from the person you wanted it from. A fling will not make the situation any better because then you will be left to deal with two different female personalities and eventually your fling will have her own issues. Stay committed to your wife and your marriage. Keep in mind that it is best to deal with things straight up opposed to hiding behind the problem with a mistress, just be a man about it.

Do not run from the problem. When you married your wife I am sure she was an extremely caring and understanding woman who listened to every word you had to say and she is still that same woman. The woman that you love and cherish is still there so do not discount her. If you do not talk things through with your wife, how will you ever have sex again? Make an effort to tell her exactly what things have been bothering you and why you feel that the two of you not having sex within your marriage is causing you to feel the way you do. If the love is not lost and your wife would like to save her marriage, she is going to be all ears during this time. Make sure to choose your words carefully because women can be very sensitive creatures when it concerns matters of the heart, especially when their role as a wife is being questioned.

Hopefully you are tackling this problem early because the longer this issue lingers, the harder it will be to make a breakthrough with your spouse. When a person does not see the wrong in their actions, it makes it that much harder for them to breakaway from their habits. Please do not blame your wife. In time this will be over and you would have learned a lot from the experience.

When all is said and done and you cannot seem to find a reasonable solution to how to deal with a sexless marriage you may want to try a temporary separation. Running and filing for divorce in my opinion is untactful and inconsiderate. Sex is not everything in a relationship and unless you choose to see this, you will soon find yourself before a divorce lawyer.

Now that you're ready to fix this problem, take a look at - Sexless Marriage Help

Recipe for successful marriage
Marriage is the period from vows to eternity; at least when one of you passes away
Marriage counseling moves online
Christian marriage was ordained by God for Christian men and women to partake of this great commitment
Pre-bride program offers new approach to marriage-counseling
Do we need marriage counseling?
How to Save a Marriage. Basic Steps to Follow

Three Pillars of a Healthy Marriage
Are You Making This Mistake in Your Marriage?
Pretty Maidens and Merry Affairs
Bored In Your Marriage?

Using Proper Communication to Save Your Marriage From Divorce

2009-03-05T14:01:00.000-08:00

You have probably seen a lot of different ways to go about restoring your marriage to its former glory, but one of the best ways is to sit down with your partner and properly communicate to them what you are thinking and feeling. What is meant by "proper communication" exactly? Well, most couples who are in a failing marriage don't tell to really talk things out, they yell, scream, and argue until they can't any more. This is exactly the type of thing that kills marriages and it is what you want to avoid at all costs.

When you talk to your partner, make sure to articulate your thoughts and feelings in such a way that leaves no doubt in their mind how you really feel about them. It's also good to practice being a good listener, that is really paying attention to what your spouse is saying, not just hearing it. There is a big difference and learning how to properly listen and communicate can mean the difference between a successful marriage and a failing marriage.

You should also discuss all of your expectations with your partner as well. Your expectations are all the things you expect to get out of the relationship and from the person you are with. When the two peoples' views and expectations are in alignment, there is a better chance that those people will get along. Maybe the problem is you just have two conflicting view points on what the relationship is to you, but you'll never know unless you start discussing it now.

To discover the secret that kept my marriage together when it was on the brink of divorce visit Save My Marriage.

=> http://www.save-my-marriage.org/ <=

Seriously, do yourself a favor and visit this website now.

Improve Your Marriage By Fostering A Better Relationship With Your Partner
5 Problems That May Develop in a Marriage
Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage
Steven Spielberg Joins Campaign To Prevent Gay Marriage Ban
What Do Vital Signs Have To Do With a Healthy Marriage?
Intimacy Problems - Marriage Without Sex
Seeking Love Through Matchmaking for Marriage Relationship
Simple Advice to Rescue Your Marriage Or Relationship From a Break Up
Are you a bad husband? What constitutes a bad husband?
Four Ways to Improve Your Intimacy With Your Wife
Why do some marriages fail and others succeed?
Keys to Fixing a Damaged Marriage

Things You Can Do to Save Your Marriage

2009-03-05T13:55:00.000-08:00

You've tried everything you can think of to get your teetering marriage back on a straight course but it still isn't working. You need more help and you know counseling won't work for you. Where do you go from here?

Have you tried to get some input from friends who have weathered the same storm and came out on top as a newly committed couple? Ask their advice. Is your older neighbor's next door the only ones you know of who've dodged the divorce dilemma years ago? If they will help, the sage advice of an older couple can really make an old problem look brighter with wisdom they've gained over the years. Ask for their advice.

If a couple who seem to have that perfect union of marriage and commitment, don't be surprised if they had seemingly un-winnable battles at some point in their relationship,too. They can be of the biggest assistance to you at this time.

But do remember..what works for some couples may not necessarily work for you. Gather as much information and advice from others you know have gone through the same thing and you just may have a good starting point.

Believe it or not, the internet can be a very useful tool in your quest for advice and guidance to saving your marriage. The web is chockful of information and advice from professionals and from regular people like yourself who are going through the same trying time or have been there and are willing to share their

stories and solutions.

A great tool "inside" the web are forums where you can anonymously tell your story and get feedback from different points of view from people "just like you". Go to any search engine and type in 'marriage forums', or 'divorce forums' and look for one that feels comfortable for you and is addressing your problems. Don't look for a final solution in these forums...again...it's for the passing and sharing of information.

Of course there are the many self-help books available at your local library, bookstores and always online.

There are even what are known as 'ebooks' written by qualified and experienced professionals that can be quite effective when addressing the many subject areas of troubled marriages.

And finally those words...marriage counseling. You know that this will only be effective if both spouses agree to it. And...if your spouse does agree...that may just be the best information you've received since this all began - they are willing to find a solution to your marriage also. A very good sign that all is not quite lost yet.

One thing is for certain...these problems will not go away on their own. If you are looking for answers and advice...you are ready to attempt to save your marriage and that's the best step forward you can possibly have!

If you'd like more advice on ways to help your rocky marriage, look into these additional tips and advice for saving a marriage. The guidance could be just what you're looking for! Good luck to you!
The Most Important Marriage Tip of All Marriage Tips
These ideas can improve those marriages that appear to be headed for trouble, or make great marriages even better!
How to Find a Marriage Counselor that's Perfect for You
Consider a marriage or family setting
Lately there have been disturbing reports about middle-age marriages
How to Save Your Marriage When Your Partner is Depressed
Marital Closeness
Meg Ryan: Dennis Quaid Was Unfaithful in Our Marriage

Marriage Help on Demand Now Available at MarriageConcierges.com - Affordable Online Marriage Consultation

2009-01-26T15:46:00.000-08:00

MarriageConcierges.com now offers online Marriage Consultation from the comfort of home. As an alternative to traditional counseling, the company utilizes private Email sessions for convenience. This service is perfect for those who lead busy lifestyles or do not wish to pursue traditional counseling due to the stigma attached. Customers begin services within 48 hours.

Who: Marriage Concierges is a new online consultation company made up of a diverse group of professional relationship experts trained in building strong, healthy, and rewarding marriages. The company prides itself on inspiring customers to pursue the best that marriage has to offer.

Marriage Concierges is guided by the principles of strength-based support, maximizing relationship potential, and empowering customers with tools, skills, and knowledge necessary for success. Marriage relationship experts (Concierges) are Masters-level educated, certified in life coaching, married for at least 10 years, and/or have certificates in marriage counseling.

What: Marriage Concierges offers a unique, effective, and less-expensive alternative to traditional marriage counseling. The company provides support and consultation programs via private Email exchanges (sessions) with Concierges. Relevant marriage-related information is also available on the company web site. Benefits to customers include convenience, privacy and security, flexibility, and affordability.

Customers initiate services by selecting a consultation program and submitting a free online assessment that identifies their area(s) of need. Based on the assessment, they are then carefully matched with a Concierge and begin services within 48 hours. Customers then engage in a series of Email exchanges primarily on the topics identified in their assessments. Marriage Concierges offers one-time, 1-week, 4-week, 8-week, and 12-week consultation programs. Rate discounts are provided for the 4, 8, and 12-week programs.
source

Tyler Perry's Marriage Counselor – DVD Review

2009-01-26T15:44:00.000-08:00

Tyler Perry brings to DVD the performance of one of his best loved plays, The Marriage Counselor. Judith (Tamar Davis) is a marriage counselor whose problems are on the increase. As her schedule fills up with dissatisfied couples, her own married life takes a nosedive. Will the counselor be able to save her marriage?

In a production full of life, colorful moments and song, The Marriage Counselor addresses some very serious problems. Counselor Judith is married to dull but steady accountant Roger (Tony Grant.) Their life has become complicated by the arrival after hurricane Katrina of Judith’s mother TeTe (Alltrinna Grayson) and Roger’s dad Stanley (Palmer Williams) as permanent residents in their home.

TeTe is very religious and Stanley is attempting to grow pot in the backyard and their bantering insults keep the household in an uproar. Judith’s practice puts her in contact with several couples whose problems are major. One of these clients turns out to be her old boyfriend Ronald (Timon Kyle Durrett) a rich and flashy sports star.

One thing leads to another, and Judith is tempted to give up slow and steady Roger for a more glamorous life with Ronald. She takes a break from her practice, and TeTe and Stanley step in to counsel the couples. Some of the funniest and most touching moments occur when these two take control.

To be in this play, one not only has to be a good actor or actress, but has to have a sense of comedy and the ability to sing. The musical numbers seem natural and fit the action, and add to the depth of the characters being portrayed.

The strength of TeTe’s belief is expressed in her musical numbers and Stanley (who has some of the best lines in the play) is shown to be equally devoted to his lifestyle standards. Moving from the funny to the tragic, the play never lets hope be quenched by sadness or troubles.

The plucky Lisa (Garcelle Evans) brings a tear to the eye with her trials that she brushes off as nothing in this life as she belongs to God. People make mistakes, and there are misunderstandings amongst the couples.

With the “expert” handling of these problems by TeTe and Stanley with help from Becky (Stephanie Ferrett) Judith’s opinionated assistant, the audience is both crying and laughing.

The Marriage Counselor is presented in full screen on single disc. The playing time for the feature is 143 minutes, and it is available in both English and Spanish audio and subtitles. The Special Features includes a segment “In Session.” This has cast interviews that add to the enjoyment of the production.

Everyone involved is very enthusiastic about the project, and very serious about portraying their characters honestly.

Tyler Perry has adeptly used this medium of a play to once again express problems that will resonate with audiences. He also offers solace and solutions that will be equally recognizable.

Tyler Perry's Marriage Counselor is now available at Amazon. As of yet, there is not a release date for this version of the DVD in the UK. Visit the DVD database for more information.
source

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

2009-01-15T16:01:00.000-08:00

We believe that if your marriage is having problems, you shouldn't wait too long to seek professional help.

Here's help in finding a counselor or psychiatrist and deciding if counseling will work for your marriage.

Included is information on what type of couple gets the most from marriage counseling and what type of couple receives the least from marriage counseling.

Answer These Questions:

Did you marry at an early age?
Did you not graduate from high school?
Are you in a low-income bracket?
Are you in an inter-faith marriage?
Did your parents divorce?
Do you criticize one another?
Is there a lot of defensiveness in your marriage?
Do you tend to withdraw from one another?
Do you feel contempt for one another?

If you answered "yes" to most of these questions, then you are statistically a higher risk for divorce than couples who have realistic expectations of one another and their marriage, communicate well, use conflict resolution skills, and are compatible with one another.
source

8 Keys to a Happier Marriage

2009-01-12T15:40:00.000-08:00

Newly weds are often asked ‘how’s married life?’ As with everything in life, the answer depends on you. For some, marriage is another word for frustration and even misery. For others it is the bedrock of strength and support they build the rest of their lives around.

What are the differences that lead such a fundamental part of daily life down two totally opposing avenues? I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I can share with you the things that have helped me in my years of marriage to what I feel is a very strong and happy relationship.

1. Work on Your Marriage. Like most of us, I learnt what I know about marriage from my parents. When my father once said to me ‘marriage requires attention, the moment you stop working on your marriage is the moment it begins to falter’ I can remember thinking, this didn’t sound very much like the movies. After all a wedding is the culmination of a movie, that’s when everything is all sorted out and you don’t have to worry about anything any more, right? Alas, like in many other things, my father has proven correct.

As we’ll discuss in the proceeding paragraphs, maintaining a healthy marriage requires sacrifices, attention and care. It helps to think of your marriage as a living thing in itself. Like all living things, it needs nourishment and protection, healing when it is sick, and space to grow and flourish.

These are all nice words, but what does that mean on a practical level? It means you need to always think about your marriage and not take it for granted. It means you need to be vigilant against things that might threaten it, not just the obvious things like temptation, but the subtle things like imbalances in responsibility and duty, comparisons to others, jealousy and so on. It means you need to nourish your marriage with thoughtfulness for the other’s needs, find time together and sometimes even time apart. It means when things are going wrong you need to stop and think about how you can improve them and perhaps what sacrifices you need to make. It means that a marriage needs to go forward, to change as you both change and to grow stronger.
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Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

2009-01-12T15:38:00.000-08:00

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
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Gay Marriage

2009-01-10T14:44:00.000-08:00

Gay Marriage. In November 2003 the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ignited a nationwide debate over same-sex marriage when it declared the state's ban on gay marriage unconstitutional. The ensuing battle has included fights in Congress over a federal marriage amendment that would define marriage as the union of a man and a woman; a spate of same-sex wedding ceremonies (in some cases in violation of state laws); and the passage of numerous state constitutional amendments banning gay marriage. In 2008, California and Connecticut followed ...
source: Gay Marriage

Marriage. What is Marriage? Morals and Transgressions ...

2009-01-10T14:40:00.000-08:00

What is Marriage?
Morals and Transgressions
Remedies
Communication in Marriage
Suggestions for Further Study

Where once the family was the stable foundation upon which all else was built, today its shattered remnants are the source of much of what troubles society. And while marriages still outnumber divorces, the gap is rapidly closing. Marriage is well on the way to becoming a failed institution. L. Ron Hubbard wrote extensively on interpersonal relationships and much of it is applicable to this most personal of relationships. In this section you will discover methods to make a marriage work, why many marriages fail, how to discover if partners are well suited to each other, and how to save a failing marriage.
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Your marriage in the Church of England

2009-01-10T14:37:00.000-08:00

Thinking about a church wedding?

Congratulations! You're welcome to marry in church whatever your beliefs, whether or not you are baptised and whether or not you go to church. And, marrying in church has never been easier thanks to a change in the law which means you now have more churches to choose from.

For such a special day, we offer a special place. All you need to help you plan a personal, meaningful, spiritual and beautiful church wedding can be found on our new web site:
Source

Not Easily Broken not an easy watch

2009-01-10T13:46:00.000-08:00

By Daniel Neman

Published: January 9, 2009

-- Not Easily Broken" might be dull and lacking complexity, but you can say this for it: One scene is completely unexpected.

Bizarre, yes. Unlikely to the point of being a virtual impossibility, you betcha. Maybe even a little stupid, sure. But you don't see it coming.

One reason you don't expect it is it makes no sense. Perhaps it happened to one person at some point in history (or perhaps not), but it's not the sort of thing you ordinarily have to worry about. And it changes the whole theme of the movie, from being about how God can help keep a marriage together to how God can allow a tragedy like this to happen.

"Not Easily Broken" is about a married couple very much in love but in the midst of a rough patch. David, played by Morris Chestnut, wants a baby while Clarice, played by Taraji P. Henson, does not because she is too wrapped up in her career. She listens to David far less than to her bossy mother (Jenifer Lewis, as the most interesting character by far). And she is a social-climbing nag.

For his part, David spends more time with his friends and the Little League team he coaches than with Clarice.

But the real root of their marital discord is spelled out explicitly for us: Clarice is one of those liberated women who has rejected the traditional role of needing a man to comfort, nurture and protect her. The problem isn't this premise, it's that the film doesn't know what to do with it. So the two main characters end up having essentially the same conversation with every other character: Clarice talks to her mother. She talks to her friend. She talks to her marriage counselor. David also talks to the marriage counselor. He talks to his friend. He talks to his other friend. He fights with his rival.

Nothing happens in any of these conversations, just a lot of talking. At least something happens in the fight (technically, it's just a scramble for a loose basketball), but we recognize it for what it is: a nonverbal conversation.

Besides, the fight gives Chestnut the chance to show off once again his amazing physique. Seriously, his muscles should have their own agent.

The film is based on a book by Bishop T.D. Jakes, who is also a producer. The movie can't hold a candle to his last cinematic effort, "Woman, Thou Art Loosed," which was compelling in all the ways this is not.

Contact Daniel Neman at (804) 649-6408 or dneman@timesdispatch.com .

Pre-marriage counseling info sessions offered

2009-01-10T13:45:00.000-08:00

For professionals and businesses who serve couples or who are contemplating or have formed committed relationships, i.e., clergy, florists, wedding catering, etc., Barbara Davis, MDW, LCSW, presents a one-hour program that explains the objectives of the “Twogether in Texas” marriage workshop.

Join her for coffee on Wednesday, Jan. 14, 4-5 p.m. at the Boyce Ditto Public Library. Call Davis at (817) 683-1610 for more information

There is a change of date for the eight-hour prep class of “Twogether in Texas” at the Palo Pinto County Extension Office: the new date is Sunday, Jan. 11, beginning at 9 a.m.

How to Save Marriage

2009-01-02T11:12:00.000-08:00

It's disheartening to know that there are lots of unhappy marriages out there and many end up in messy divorces. The fact is, getting is a divorce is not the usual solution when a marriage hits rock bottom. There are many ways to save marriage. If both partners are committed to save their relationship, they can always seek help from a reputable counselor.

Aside from counseling services, there are other practical tips on how to save marriage. Take note of the following, for this will help you.

* Learn to realize that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Every relationship has its own share of problems, and there are those that are so massive that it will threaten your relationship as a whole. This is all very natural. A couple must learn how to overcome all their problems and keep the marriage intact. Those couples who seek perfection will be doomed to deep disappointment. People will always make mistakes and they must learn how to fix them, especially if they are in a marriage.

* Good communication is essential. Couples who can't communicate openly always experience problems in their relationship. Being honest with your partner is one of the most important ingredients when it comes to saving marriage. Issues of all kinds can be resolved with the right amount of communication.

* Learn how to compromise with your partner. There is a reason why compromise is considered an art, and for a good reason. It's not easy finding a middle ground between two people and their principles in order to come up with something that both of them can live with. Marriage is all about compromise, actually. You can't afford to be selfish when you're married. There are times that you will have to give way, and there are situations that your partner will have to do the same.

* It's all about commitment. Remember that marriage is like having a car. If the car breaks down, you just don't say that you want to get rid of the car, do you? You will do all you can to fix it, of course. Getting rid of a car is usually the last resort, and this is only done when the damage is truly beyond hopeless. How to save marriage relies largely on the amount of commitment that both partners put into it. It just won't work if one is disinterested in making things work.

Of course, there are marriages that can't be saved no matter what measures are taken. There are issues that can't really be solved no matter how much help is extended by counseling. In these cases, divorce can be considered. Just as it's not good to dissolve a union, it's also not a good thing to keep two people who are at odds with each other in a relationship. It's great to know that there are many ways to save a marriage, but again, some things can't be resolved and such relationships are meant to be dissolved.

How to Save Marriage

Visit my blog at http://howtosavemarriage.org

Mary R. Jones

Make Your Husband Want You - Marriage Relationship Help For Women

2009-01-02T11:11:00.000-08:00

There are all kinds of marriage relationship help that is designed for women. It's certainly not uncommon for a woman to be in a marriage in which the dynamic shifts over time. If you feel that your husband isn't as devoted or loving as he once was, it's a challenge for you. Naturally you are going to go looking for advice that is intended to reenergize the relationship. If you really want to make your husband want you again, the way he did when you two first met, you need to have both an open mind and be willing to compromise.

In order to make your husband want you more you have to consider the things in the relationship that are currently causing a conflict between you two. If there is an ongoing struggle that has yet to be settled, that can severely impact how your husband feels about you. It's important to clear that type of conflict off the table instead of letting it fester. It can cause resentment and hard feelings that will continue to undermine the relationship you are trying to salvage with your spouse. Compromise is the key to ironing out the problems. If you have to give in a little, do it. Just consider the fact that losing your husband's love and devotion is not worth being right about any problem that may arise between you two.

Keeping your own interests is one easy way to make your husband want you more. One critical mistake that many women make when they marry is they give up their own lives for the sake of their husband. They may lose contact with close friends and over time their focus shifts from their own career to raising their family. Men, even married men, are most drawn to women who are independent and who have their own interests. Find something other than your husband and children to be passionate about. It may be a new hobby, or a new career. You need something that will get you interested in your own life again. If your husband feels that you are fulfilled in all areas of your life, he'll feel closer to you as well.

Specific things you do and say can compel your husband to appreciate and love you more. Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause him to feel even more distant from you. You can make your husband fall even deeper in love with you than when you two first married.

You don't have to worry about whether your husband is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make him fall hopelessly in love with you.

How to Save Your Marriage When Your Partner is Depressed

2008-11-18T15:49:00.002-08:00

One very terrible situation to be in is when you are married to someone who is severely depressed. This can be a very tricky situation to work with and it requires are a very delicate approach. Depression is something that effects people in many different ways. Some of the most common symptoms of clinical depression is change in sleeping habits, losing interest in activities that used to bring pleasure and excitement, fatigue, and also change in eating habits. There are many more symptoms but those are just a few. If you have noticed that your partner exhibits any of these then you may want to talk with him/her to find out what's wrong.

The main thing here is communication. If you know for a fact your partner is depressed then you need to keep communicating with them in order to keep your relationship working. Sometimes people who are depressed don't even know why they are depressed. For a person who isn't depressed this can be very confusing and mind boggling, but it's true. Sometimes the fact is there is a chemical imbalance in that person's brain that makes it so that they are depressed and can't even tell you why.

If this is the case then the best thing you can do is just be there for your partner when he/she needs to talk or whatever. Whatever you do, don't try to "fix" your spouse, that will only make matter worse. Leave the bulk of it to the doctors who will help your spouse through a mixture of therapy and medication, your role is far more simple, just be there, be supportive and loving and don't give up.

To discover the secret that kept my marriage together when it was on the brink of divorce visit Save My Marriage

=> http://www.save-my-marriage.org/ <=

Seriously, do yourself a favor and visit this website now.

Save My Marriage - Lighten Up to Save Your Marriage

2008-11-18T15:49:00.001-08:00

Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious. These are the moments that you should be treasuring. It is in our moments of challenge and conflict that we really grow.

For instance if you feel that your partner is too critical, that is a good chance to learn to poke fun at yourself.

Often is is that there is a large amount of tension or perhaps we are not sure what to say. Regardless of the reason, learn to lighten up. Do not take every comment, glance, or movement as a serious problem. If your mate makes a mistake, which you both will, let it go, of if appropriate, laugh about it. If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself.

This will automatically start the process of tension breaking. Next, let us look at the worst case scenario, what is the worst thing that could happen, getting out of a bad marriage, or staying in a bad marriage? It sounds over-simplified, but I think it makes a very important point. If you can answer that question then you have the answer that you need.

For some, leaving the bad marriage is not the worst thing. If that is the case then the fear of the marriage ending should no longer be an issue. You simply have to work to make it better. The fastest way to that point is to communicate you your partner that you have asked this question of yourself and arrived at an answer.

Learn 4 practical step-by-step exercises to save your marriage Also,

The secrets of a loving and fulfilling relationship with your spouse. It is time to get serious and get yourself together.

5 Problems That May Develop in a Marriage

2008-10-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, most married couples tend to have problems at some point or another. It is almost impossible to avoid, but it doesn't necessarily mean that divorce is inevitable. Here are five problems that may develop in a marriage and what you can do about them.

Resentment - This often occurs when one spouse feels that he or she is carrying more than his or her own weight in the relationship. This is most easily resolved through effective communication. Let your spouse know how you feel, and in return listen to how they feel.

Financial Distress - Statistics show that most marriage problems stem from problems over money. These problems can be eased by approaching finances together, rather than separately. If your husband or wife controls all of the finances and financial decisions in the household, it will almost always lead to problems eventually.

Emotional Responses - Often when a marital problem arises, it is easy to get lost in your emotions and respond to situations in ways which will only make problems worse. It is important to always try to keep a cool head, and to think rationally about situations as they come up.

New Parents - Most people are used to having one mother and one father for most of their lives, up until they get married. So the shock of having parents-in-law can be very difficult for some people to handle. It is important to develop good relationships with your in-laws early in the marriage, and to devote enough time and energy to maintain those relationships.

Crowding - Everyone needs space for themselves, including you and your spouse. It is sometimes easy to suffocate a person emotionally and not give them the personal space and alone time that they require. It may help to plan events specifically to spend time apart from one another. Plan for you to have a night with your friend, and your partner to have a night with his or her friends.

Marriage problems can be the hardest thing a person can ever experience.

If you are having issues with your marriage and are considering divorce, I know exactly how you feel.

My husband and I were going through similar problems recently, and I thought our marriage could never be saved. We were so close to divorce, I actually had the divorce papers already filled out!

In a last moment of desperation, hoping there was some way to end this misery and rekindle our marriage, I was searching online and I found this website called Save My Marriage.

"Yeah right, like this little old e-book could ever save my marriage," I thought to myself.

But I had nothing to lose, not even my money since there's a money back guarantee. Certainly not my marriage, which I was losing anyway.

So I bought the product and read through it. Some of the things it said actually sounded like they might work.

So I put the divorce papers aside, and it was the best decision I've ever made!

My marriage is now stronger than ever, and I owe it all to that little old e-book that I purchased.

If you want to rescue your own marriage from divorce, please don't delay. Act quickly and save yourself anymore heartbreak or emotional pain. It's not worth waiting.

Trust me, this product WORKS. It worked for my marriage, and I know it can work for yours.

Click the link below to visit the website that will save your marriage.

=> http://www.save-my-marriage.org/ <=

Seriously, do yourself a favor and visit the website now.

Marital Closeness

2008-10-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

When the decision to get married was made, you had a choice. Force was not applied, nor were you rushed or pushed into it. In marriage you are free to make a choice, unless otherwise stated. When it comes to making a decision on marriage, you either make a good or bad choice.

Making a good choice in marriage will ultimately bring you close to your partner and this comes with it's own pain and comfort. We will be taking a peep into the two areas of closeness that man knows in life, the good and the bad sides.

We begin with the good side.

Trust and absolute sincerity. The longer you stay together, the better and stronger your marriage. Communication. Will flow freely between close couples.You share information and open conversation, not hiding anything, you start operating on the same frequency of thought and speech, causing you to make correct decisions even in the absence of your partner.

To the unmarried , you become role models they look up to. Closeness comes with responsibilities and you must live up to the billing as responsible people.Love radiates round you constantly , thereby making it difficult to break your bond.Your partner is your best friend and companion.Last but not least , your love and closeness will keep third party 's far far away from your home.

Meanwhile the bad sides are as follows.

For those that love keeping secrets, this will be too difficult to do, as closeness will not allow for secrets. If you are in that class, the relationship is bound to get shakey. For the outgoing type, going out together to some events may prove very difficult at times, and this may result in one partner gaining more ground most times,which is not good for relationships.

So there we have it. whichever way you look at it, it is better to be close to your partner than be far. Work on your closeness together and you will enjoy the best of both worlds in your marriage.

Frederick Morka is first of all by the Grace of God a father and also an internet writer who writes his own blog page. He is also involved in the work of the Gospel as he stands as the General Secretary of his local Church.He is an author who has to his name three e books yet to be published on marital happiness.watch out for this man.visit his blog page at http://www.maritalroundtable.blogspot.com

Meg Ryan: Dennis Quaid Was Unfaithful in Our Marriage

2008-09-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

Meg Ryan says ex-husband Dennis Quaid was unfaithful to her in their marriage.

"Dennis was not faithful to me for a very long time, and that was very painful. I found out more about that after I was divorced," the "When Harry Met Sally" actress tells the new issue of InStyle.

In 2000, Ryan, now 46, had a romance with her "Proof of Life" co-star Russell Crowe; the affair ended her marriage to Quaid (with whom she has a son, Jack, 16).

Of Crowe, she says: “I think he took a big hit. But Russell didn’t break up the marriage. He was definitely there at the end, but it wasn’t his fault. I was a mess. I hurt him too at the end. I couldn’t be in another long relationship, it wasn’t the time for that. So I got out.”

She also talks about her daughter, Daisy, whom she adopted from China three years ago.

"I don't feel like I adopted a child. I feel like I just got this unbelievable companion," Ryan tells the magazine. "Daisy is brilliant. This kid says things every day that make you just stop and stare at her."

Steven Spielberg Joins Campaign To Prevent Gay Marriage Ban

2008-09-24T13:10:00.000-07:00

Steven Spielberg and his wife have become the latest Hollywood celebrities to help bankroll a bid to defeat a referendum seeking to outlaw gay marriage in California.

Steven Spielberg said in a statement that the ban amounted to 'legalising discrimination' Photo: REUTERS

The director and Kate Capshaw have donated $100,000 to a campaign to defeat a controversial ballot initiative that will be voted on during the November 4 election.

The measure, known as proposition 8, seeks a ban on same-sex marriage in the wake of the landmark California Supreme Court ruling in May that overturned a previous ban on gay weddings.

The effort to defeat the ban has already attracted the financial backing of actor Brad Pitt, who last week also donated $100,000 to opponents of the proposition.

"By writing discrimination into our state constitution, Proposition 8 seeks to eliminate the right of each and every citizen in our state to marry regardless of sexual orientation," Spielberg and Capshaw said in a statement.

"Such discrimination has no place in California's constitution, or any other."

Marvin Levy, Spielberg's spokesman, later added: "Obviously, he's hopeful that this proposition can be defeated, and that everyone has the same rights."

Same-sex marriage is legal in only two US states - California and Massachusetts, where gay weddings have been legal since 2004.

After the May ruling allowing gay couples to wed in California, opponents mobilised and lobbied successfully for a referendum on the issue. When Californians vote in the November presidential elections, the measure to reinstate the ban on same-sex marriage will also be on the ballot.

Known as the Marriage Protection Act, Proposition 8 would amend the state constitution to limit marriage to a man and a woman.

Recent opinion polls indicate Californians are likely to reject the bid.

After Pitt's donation last week, supporters of the ban said it provided more evidence that "Hollywood's elite are out of touch with the average American."

"With wealthy Hollywood lining up to destroy marriage, we call on every concerned citizen to donate $15 for every Brad Pitt movie they have ever seen," wrote Karen England, manager for the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign.
Source

What do you do when it seems impossible to communicate with your husband without starting an argument?

2008-09-24T13:09:00.001-07:00

What do you do when it seems impossible to communicate with your husband without starting an argument? Have you ever had a bad afternoon--you got into an argument with your boss and you really needed someone to talk to. After you told your husband all about it, he proceeded to tell you what you should have done differently. He has just poured salt on the wound and at this point, most women immediately make the decision that they will never again discuss their problems with the man they married.

Problems in marriage can often be eliminated when we understand the way a man thinks. Giving advice is a man's way of helping and showing love. Unless you tell him, he will not know why you get so frustrated when he is only trying to help you. Instead of being resentful and cutting off communication, try this approach:

Tell him you need to talk and that you just need him to listen. You may want to say something like "I really need to talk about this situation. It will make me feel better about what is going on." Let him know that you are not asking him for advice on how to fix the issue but that he is helping you by simply being interested and by listening to your feelings.

If it has something to do with him, focus on your feelings and not on his faults. Instead of saying "You did not..." say "I feel angry that..." If you blame him, it will cause him to defend his actions even if he knows he is wrong. If you talk loudly and become agitated, he will too.

As you talk you might notice him getting uncomfortable. You might say, "I know this is not easy for you, but I really appreciate you listening to me." When you are finished, make sure to give him a sincere thank-you for listening and assure him that you are starting to feel much better.

It may take time for your husband to realize that he truly is helping by listening to you. By gently reminding him and letting him know you appreciate his efforts, you will help him do what he wants to do most--help you. If you are looking for successful marriage tips, I believe this is one you will want to remember.

Visit: http://victorious-woman.com/ for information, inspiration and tips on how to fulfill your God-given destiny.

Intimacy Problems - Marriage Without Sex

2008-09-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

Lack of sex is the biggest symptom of intimacy problems. What makes a couple special is that you get to see each other's everything. You get to intimate with your partner: sex. But if you do not have that with your partner, this should be treated with attention. Everyone wants to be the only one for his or her partner. Everyone wishes that their partner would only look at them and nobody else. But if relationship without sex or without spark persist for a long time, it would lead to a period of lassitude, in which a lot of times couples tend to find someone else to be able to feel the fire with.

Moreover, lack of sex, or lack of intimacy with your partner often evokes:

- Insecurity (towards partner's fidelity, towards your own body)
- Loss of confidence
- Decreased happiness
- Worsened relationship with other people around you
- Suspicion of cheating

In order to prevent all this, it would be the best if you would have prevented losing the fire between you and your partner, but if you already did lose that spark, and have intimacy problems, you need to get the fire back. Everyone has the right to be fulfilled of their sexual needs. You or your partner is not an exception! Now, if your partner is not doing anything to get the fire back, then it is time for you to step up! Act on it now! Your partner will love you more than ever!

Get the fire back in your cozy bed tonight! Make your partner feel as loved and nervous as the first time!

ow to Easily Save Your Marriage - Free 3 Tip Guide

2008-08-24T12:44:00.000-07:00

Every day millions of people suffer from a marriage that wasn't what it used to be. Every day people divorce each because they simply aren't happy anymore. But there is a way to fix this, and turn for the better. A couple years ago me and my wife were on the verge of divorce. I didn't want it to happened.. I still loved her, and was devastated when she had mentioned the "d" word to me. So I took action, I researched the internet for days, I needed something that would work NOW.. I soon came up with some tips and I tried them.. To my surprise they did help, and I am now back with my wife as happy as ever! I would love to do the same for you. Below you will find my free 3 tips to help get your marriage back on track.

How to Save Your Marriage Tip #1
For the first tip you will need some paper and a pencil. Get a set for your spouse also. Now start writing down the things that are bothering you in the relationship. Have your spouse do the same and at the end compare them to each other. This could get heated so try to remain calm and take a break if needed. At the end of this task a lot should be accomplished.

How to Save Your Marriage Tip #2
For tip number two focus on showing your spouse that you do care about them. Take them somewhere nice, and talk to them deeply. Let them know that you want to stay with them and you'll do anything to keep them happy.

How to Save Your Marriage Tip #3
For the last tip get some more paper and another pencil. This time write what you aren't happy with about your spouse. Whether it be a bad habit, or just a bad attitude. Let them know how you feel about it and see if you can compromise over something!

Learn how to save your marriage. Even if your the only one who wants to.

Discover how The Magic of Making Up can help you save your marriage and get your partner back by going to http://www.comegetanswers.com The Magic of Making Up now has over 6100 satisfied customers in over 67 countries!

Simple Advice to Rescue Your Marriage Or Relationship From a Break Up

2008-08-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

Do you want to rescue your marriage or relationship from a break up? We have heard tales of wives, husbands, boyfriends or girlfriends struggling to rescue their marriage or relationship from a break up. They come to us asking for help. Yes. We can offer one or two advice to help them but the only person that can truly help you rescue your marriage or relationship from a break up is you. Yes. You!

Most people allow others who are not well-informed to compound their marriage or relationship problems. They even spend so much time following stories in the media where phony love and relationship doctors claim to know how to solve their relationship problems and save their marriage. They claim they can help you rescue your marriage or relationship, when in reality they are only looking for recognition. Most of them cannot rescue their own marriage or maintain a healthy relationship.

However, if you do your due diligence, you will find out that there are genuine people who have your interest at heart and are ready to proffer genuine advice. It is better to expose your marriage or relationship problems to the right people and not suffer in silence.

If you cannot approach them, you can learn a lot from their years of experience and wisdom from reading their written materials. Many people have died because they are ashamed of their relating their problems to others. They hide their marriage or relationship problems and suffer in silence. Some talk about it to the wrong persons; who will advise them wrongly and make them take wrong decisions.

If you want to rescue your marriage or relationship from a break up, you should examine yourself and your partner before seeking for help from others. That way, you will know the type of advice you need. Remember that every marriage or relationship is special, with very personal and unique memories and events. For anyone else to suggest that they are your only hope to rescue your marriage or relationship from a break up is plain nonsense.

So, where do you go to when trouble comes? Remember, The Bible says, "Woe unto those that go down to Egypt for help". Do you seriously want to rescue your marriage or relationship from a break up? Good. However, before you start seeking help from others to rescue your marriage or relationship, it is wise you go to a quiet place, sit down and ask yourself, what your marriage or relationship problems are.

It is after your self-examination, you can now seek for help. If you cannot tell your doctor what is wrong with you, you may be treated for the wrong ailment. The best person that can help you rescue your marriage or relationship from a break up is you. When you ask all the whys and you take the steps to seek the right help, you will gain insight to your rescue your marriage or relationship.

If you would like to learn the secret techniques and strategies that can help rescue your marriage or relationship from a break up from a man that has helped 6,100 people in 67 countries, click here for more information.

Factors That Encourages Happiness in Marriage

2008-08-19T13:29:00.000-07:00

Happiness in marriage is a prerequisite to all around prosperity in a family. Happiness is a spirit, sadness and gloom is also a spirit. Whichever is present in your home determines the atmosphere that surrounds your house. The atmosphere you permit around your house determines what you attract into your family.

I have not ceased to wonder, whenever I see couples complaining of certain misfortunes that befall them. If you dig into the root of the matter you will always find out that it is traceable to a very negative atmosphere that the couple unwittingly permitted in their home.

I have pulled together 3 important tips, which I believe can help you improve the seemingly-impossible-task of establishing happiness in your marriage.

A united purpose: a united purpose is one undisputed key to a happy marriage. The key word in marriage is unity and oneness. If couples have purposes that are diametrically opposed to one another or visions that is "at cross- purpose" with each other, know that joy and happiness will be elusive in that family.

Faithfulness: Faithfulness is a vital key to a happy and joy-filled home. Faithfulness to your marriage vows, faithfulness in your dealings in and out of the home.

Transparency: Means you have nothing to hide from your spouse. Ask yourself this question; if my spouse where to find out a matter from a third party concerning you, would he or she be surprised or shocked. Openness as a key to happiness in marriage have never failed and I believe shall never fail.

Commitment: The trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose, the act of binding yourself (spiritually or emotionally) to the course of your marriage. If you sincerely commit yourself to values that encourages happiness in a marital affair, I can assure you that your marriage will be loaded with blissful testimonies.

Sacrifice: The act of losing or surrendering something important to you as a price in order to gain an objective. I got married to my beautiful wife Becky about 9 years ago, as I look back to those years I can recollect how on several occasions how I had to give up things that were dear to me before my marriage, because I desired joy and happiness in my house.

Show me a man/woman who is excited with his job, business, trade or any kind of vocation and I will show you a man who is happy at home. Our lives at home almost invariably affect our lives outside.

To your success.

John Efetobor is an Investment Communicator, Analyst, Motivational Speaker, Coach, Trainer, Human Developer, Investor and Businessman. He has a Marital-focus Blog where he writes informative articles on Stocks, stock trading and other Vital aspect of stock investment Visit: http://marital-focus.blogspot.com for more information.

Notice - You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact, active and included with every reproduction

How to Ask For a Second Chance in Your Marriage

2008-08-19T13:28:00.002-07:00

I don't know the specifics of your situation. Perhaps your spouse is only frustrated in the marriage. Perhaps he or she has taken it further already asked for a divorce or break. Maybe you've simply made a mistake and want to ask your husband and wife for forgiveness, to start over, or for another chance. Whatever your circumstances, I firmly believe (from my personal experience and research) that there is a right way and a wrong way to approach your spouse about this. This article will discuss what I feel is the best way, (with the highest chance of success), to talk your spouse into giving your marriage another chance.

The Wrong Way To Plead Your Case Or Ask For Forgiveness From Your Spouse: No matter what you've done, the absolute first thing to remember is not to panic or act in a desperate way that pushes your spouse further away. It's absolutely understandable that you don't want this pain, misunderstanding or marital damage to continue or go on for any longer than is necessary. It makes sense that you would think that the longer your spouse is angry or hurt, the longer it will take to mend, save, or get the marriage back on track.

However, it's important to remember that acting unstable, desperate, or in an exaggerated way (examples are bugging, berating, and making excessive attempts to communicate with your spouse (repeatedly calling, texting, begging, etc.)) is probably only going to make you appear more unattractive and out of control.

Instead, every chance you can, present yourself as a genuinely loving spouse who respects both herself and her spouse enough to communicate with him / her in a dignified and honest way.

The Right Way To Ask Your Spouse To Give Your Marriage Another Or Better Try: Maybe the problems in your marriage are genuinely your fault. Maybe they aren't. I really can't or don't know the specifics or your situation. No matter what got you here, I believe there is a right way to get you out.

First, if you haven't already, put yourself in your husband or your wife's situation. How do they feel right now? What do they really want to resolve this situation? What can you do to accomplish this while maintaining your integrity and dignity?

(Hint: What most spouses truly want is for their spouses to empathize with them, understand how they feel, and care deeply about those feelings.)

So, if you are going to apologize and ask for a second chance, do it in a very specific way. Address exactly why you are sorry. Tell your husband or wife that you have thought a great deal about the marriage and situation and you suspect that they feel (you have to fill in the blanks here with your honest assessment of how your spouse is feeling.) Ask them if this is accurate and ask them to share their feelings with you. Listen without interrupting or correcting them in any way. Apologize that they feel this way and tell them that you, too, are feeling pain and are going to do everything in your power to end that pain. Then, outline your plan. (This is going to vary based upon your unique situation. Remember when you put yourself in your spouse's shoes and thought about what they wanted? Consider this when formulating your plan.)

If your spouse is not receptive, or wants to argue or strike back, diffuse the situation. You don't want to allow more negative emotions into the situation. Your goal is to begin introducing positive feelings. Understand that this may take a while.

What To Do After You've Asked Your Spouse To Hear You Out: Your spouse may not be receptive at first and you should not push them or lose your patience. Forcing your hand or begging for a definitive answer will likely weaken your position.

The best thing that you can do is, every chance you get, present yourself as a patient, loving, understanding partner who fully understands that your spouse is worth any aggravation and wait.

On an extremely regular basis, you want to present your husband or wife with the best version of yourself - the person that he or she likely first fell in love with. Whether you believe it or not, you likely have an advantage here. Your spouse fell in love with and married you once, so you do know what it takes to win their love and devotion. You just have to accomplish this again, in spite of your current situation.

Later, if you need to, educate yourself on what is necessary to make a marriage strong and lasting. You don't want to repeat the same mistakes and, once your marriage is back on track and strong enough to handle it, you'll need to address any reoccurring or major issues that may keep coming up and weakening your marriage.

Want to read how I got a second chance in my marriage? I had to use this approach when I trying to save my marriage (and was the only one who wanted to). I made a lot of mistakes, but eventually I was able to change course and regain my husband's interest. Over time (and taking calculated baby steps), I was able to reestablish intimacy and reconcile our relationship. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://you-can-save-your-marriage.blogspot.com/

Relationships - How to Have a Extraordinary Marriage

2008-08-19T13:27:00.001-07:00

Marriage can be the most incredible, fantastic, trusting, relationship of your life. Unfortunately, for many people, marriage is a nightmare in a long dark night. Wherever your marriage may be today, there is hope. Hope to re-kindle that spark of love. If your marriage is already awesome, get ready to take it to a higher level you didn't know existed.

For the next few moments, we are going to explore some simple things we can do to spark up our marriage. They are simple steps, but not always easy. I encourage you to grab hold of your courage and step forward into a new wonderful life with your mate.

1. MEN LOVE YOUR WIVES MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF:

Men,we have to be willing to die for that special lady in each of our lives. Put her needs before your own. Cherish her. Honor her. Give her a lift every day. She is special. Show her how special she is to you.

But doesn't the Bible talk about that the man is the head of the household? Yes, it does. However, that verse has been taken out of context for long enough. What does it really mean? I have never heard anyone explain this any better then Reverend Ed Nelson. He explained this one time to me. He explained it something like this, "Think of the man as the head or mouth of a river. What is the mouth of the rivers job? To nourish the river. To feed the river. The man is the head of the family, which means the man has to be the leader of servanthood. The man has to out serve his wife. The man has to out serve his family. The man nourishes the family." Wow! Men, are you out serving your wife? Are you nourishing your family? Men, we are the servant leaders. We need to serve our families.

2. WIVES LOVE AND RESPECT YOUR HUSBANDS:

Alright ladies, what does this mean? It means you need to support your husbands. Make him feel good about who he is and what he does. The male ego does need stroking often. It also means let him lead. Leadership is about influence. The Good Book says the man is the head of the household. "What are you talking about Mark, caveman stuff?" Of course not. Husbands and wives should make decisions together. It is a team effort. A 100% / 100% team. Try to take the emotions out of the decision. If one of you believes you are led with the answer then share it with the other. If you still can't come to agreement then I believe that the impasse falls on the man's shoulders. Someone has to make the final decision. I believe God has placed this BURDEN on the man. And I do mean burden. Men this will not be a fun decision. It is not about power. Ladies, please understand this burden on your husband. Please support him and stand united with him. Sometimes he will be right. Sometimes he will be wrong. This is when he really needs your love, support, and understanding. I know this may not be popular with everyone; however, this is how you can handle decision impasses without creating World War III in your home. REMEMBER MEN: It is not about power. It is about servant leadership through love.

3. MEN HELP OUT AT HOME:

Some of you women are probably saying, "Amen! Preach it brother." She is right men. Many of us do not help out enough. If you come home and expect to be served all night then you are NOT living up to your responsibilities. Here are a few helpful suggestions:

A. Surprise her with dinner on the table when she gets home (Ladies, if he burns the meal, still brag over his effort).
B. Help out with the children.
C. Do some of those "chores" around the house you have been putting off.
D. Watch a television show she wants to watch.

4. LISTEN:

The best way to show understanding is to listen to someone. Many times, our spouses just need to be heard. Don't always try to come up with solutions or fix the situation. Many times, they just need us to hear them

5. WOMEN HELP HIM KNOW THAT YOU TRUST HIM:

Men need to feel and hear your support.

6. WOMEN ENCOURAGE HIM WHEN HE ATTEMPTS TO HELP YOU:

Tell and show him that you appreciate his help. If you want a good behavior to be repeated then it needs to be affirmed. If he doesn't do things exactly as you would do it then just remind yourself that different doesn't necessarily mean wrong. Different is OK. Help him know he doesn't have to be perfect or do things just like you.

7. CUDDLE ON THE COUCH OR TAKE A WALK TOGETHER

8. PRAY TOGETHER EVERYDAY:

Ed Cole, the author of Maximized Manhood, says that when we pray we build intimacy with the One to whom we pray (God), with whom we pray (for example our spouse), and for whom we pray.

9. STUDY THE BIBLE TOGETHER REGULARLY:

I don't know what your religious beliefs are today. But, I do know what works for me. I am a Christian and this strategy for successful living really works for me. I recommend private study time in the Bible everyday. If you and your spouse can read the Bible together everyday then that would be great too. At least get into the Book consistently with each other. Give it a try!

10. HAVE A DATE NIGHT:

Every couple no matter how long they have been married needs to spend time alone just the two of them. A date night is a great way to do this. One date, your spouse decides what you are going to do. The next date you decide. I recommend having a date night at least twice a month. Have one every week if possible. Enjoy yourselves. Court each other all over again.

11. HAVE A WEEKEND GETAWAY JUST THE TWO OF YOU:

I suggest two or three times a year to go off by yourselves. Make arrangements for the children to stay with their grandparents, friends, etc... and spend time alone as husband and wife. Enjoy yourselves! Have fun! Enjoy each other's company!

My friend, I am convinced that if you put into action these 11 steps then you are going to have a fantastic marriage. If you already have a good marriage then go for an extraordinary marriage.

I would now like to invite you to receive a Free Preview of my inspirational book "Power Nuggets". You can receive it and sign up for our Free The Empower Newsletter at Corporate Training. From Mark Bowser of http://www.MarkBowser.com Thanks for reading today.

Upcoming marriage changes financial picture

2008-08-17T15:43:00.000-07:00

By Melanie Stevens

UNION-TRIBUNE

Steven Kinkead has diligently put money into his 401(k) over the course his 27-year career as an engineer in anticipation of enjoying a comfortable retirement someday.

The 51-year-old has saved plenty of cash as an emergency reserve and to help him maintain his lifestyle. Kinkead has made it a practice to live within his means by paying off his credit card debt monthly, and he takes his spending habits seriously by weighing the financial implications of large purchases.

With hard work and fiscal responsibility, Kinkead has built a portfolio that looks promising: He has saved about $230,000 toward retirement in a mix of 401(k) and other qualified accounts, in addition to $160,500 in cash and certificates of deposit.

What Kinkead hadn't factored in until now is a major adjustment to his lifestyle that could affect his financial picture.

While preparing to marry his fiancee, Yong Xin “Maggie” Wu, 38, early next year, Kinkead is wondering if all his saving and careful planning over the years will allow him to maintain his lifestyle and provide for both him and his wife. He also wants to know if he will have to work beyond age 65 to afford retirement.

“Up until now, I've been primarily saving for retirement through my 401(k),” Kinkead said. “Lately, I've started to think more about whether I have enough, especially if I want to maintain the same lifestyle for Maggie and me that I've been able to have on my own. I just don't have the knowledge to estimate what my finances will grow to be or what they'll even look like over time.”

To get a clearer financial picture and advice on what adjustments to make to his savings plan, Kinkead volunteered for a San Diego Union-Tribune Money Makeover, sponsored by the newspaper and the San Diego chapter of the Financial Planning Association.

The association chose Jim Lingelbach, a certified financial planner with MetLife Securities in San Diego, to work with him and make recommendations. In exchange for sharing his story in the newspaper, Kinkead received a comprehensive plan at no charge.

After an initial assessment, Lingelbach told Kinkead that he is on the right track to retire by age 65 or earlier and that his diligence at saving over the years will allow him to easily provide a comfortable lifestyle for his family.

If Kinkead continues putting money away as he is now, Lingelbach said Kinkead's net worth at retirement in 2022 would be just over $4 million.

“Steven's done a good job and is in a good position,” Lingelbach said. “He was looking for someone to tell him from an objective perspective that he and Maggie are going to be OK after they get married. My job was to come and outline what they can do to continue along that path.”

Even though Kinkead's projected living expenses for 2008 will be a conservative $32,000 – not including taxes, savings or retirement contributions – Lingelbach estimated that he will experience a $24,000 increase in living expenses in 2009 once he and Wu are married.

Lingelbach made a few recommendations to help Kinkead make the financial transition from single status, as well as to increase the growth rate of his portfolio, diversify his holdings and better protect his assets.

First, the financial planner advised Kinkead to transfer his two CDs, each worth just over $40,000, and about $5,600 from his savings account into a new investment account, such as a mutual fund, to give him a more diversified equity portfolio.

“You're looking at a fixed return versus an equity return,” Lingelbach said. “If he keeps all of his money in cash, he's barely keeping up with inflation. By allocating those dollars and keeping a cash reserve of no more than $50,000, he can expect a better rate of return over the long run.”

Kinkead said because he worked as a contractor for many years, he kept a large amount of cash on hand to pad the months where he didn't have a steady income. Now that he has a full-time job, however, he agreed that turning a good portion of his cash into an investment makes sense.

Next, Lingelbach suggested that he convert his IRA, which now totals more than $35,000, into a Roth IRA in 2010 to avoid taking a required minimum distribution at age 70. Doing so would cause Kinkead to incur income taxes on the full value of the IRA asset at the time of the conversion, but it would also allow him to avoid having to pay taxes on any appreciation or on the income he pulls from his Roth in the future.

The taxes he will owe can be paid by withdrawing funds from his new investment account.

Regarding his retirement savings, Kinkead should continue making maximum contributions, about $20,500 annually, to his employer-sponsored 401(k). While his existing allocation is already heavily weighted in the large-cap asset class, when considering his age and financial objectives over the next few years, Lingelbach told him that it is OK to be slightly more conservative when balancing his portfolio.

“I wasn't really sure if my investments were properly diversified,” Kinkead said. “I knew you were supposed to become more conservative as you get older, so I was fine with the changes Jim recommended. He also gave me some advice on selling a few of my mutual funds that haven't been doing very well.”

Wu, who is from China, will be moving to the United States to join her fiancee in the next few months. Although she is currently an accountant, Lingelbach made the assumption that she will spend the first few years improving her English and getting acclimated. He factored in an added annual income of $30,000 for their household starting in 2011.

In the meantime, he urged her to begin making contributions to a spousal IRA as soon as they are married so the couple can take advantage of another tax-deferred benefit. Then, once her career is well under way, she should consider contributing instead to an employer-sponsored retirement plan.

The protection piece of Kinkead's financial plan was something Lingelbach stressed as one of the most important, especially considering his upcoming marriage.

“Protection today is not as important to Steven as it will be when he gets married, and then it will become extremely important to him,” Lingelbach said. “At some point soon, he'll need to look into increasing his insurance coverage to protect himself and Maggie should he become disabled and unable to continue working.”

Lingelbach recommended that Kinkead look into obtaining a disability insurance policy to supplement the existing coverage he has through his employer, which replaces 60 percent of his income in the event of a disability.

In addition, he should consider obtaining life insurance in the amount of $850,000 to ensure adequate survivorship income in the event of his premature death. Lingelbach advised him to obtain a combination of both term and permanent policies to keep the overall cost of his insurance portfolio low while still maintaining a potential source of future supplemental retirement income.

The couple will also need to look into long-term care insurance, as well as the option for coverage of in-home care.

“Some of these protective measures I really haven't thought about at all until now,” Kinkead said. “I'm definitely weighing my options because it is an added expense I hadn't anticipated. I'm in good shape and I'm healthy, so I'm thinking I won't need it anytime soon, but you never know what could happen. I certainly wouldn't want to put the financial burden on my wife.”
Source

How to Solve Problems in Marriage Before They Even Happen - How to Avoid Arguments With Your Spouse

2008-08-12T15:41:00.002-07:00

Most couples face problems in marriage from time to time and it is almost inevitable because people are different and have different views and different opinions. The important thing is to accept it and deal with situations from there.

Many couples tends to get in to unnecessary and useless arguments because there opinions are different and this is a really bad thing because if you argue about ideas and views that somebody has than what's the feeling you give them?

You give them the feeling that you're not relating to them, that your to different. You do not want your spouse to thing of you as someone they don't have common ideas and views with.

You want your spouse to feel like you do understand them and you can relate to there ideas and views.
If you're having a discussion with your spouse and you don't agree with them or you think they're wrong about something they think than do not throw it in there face, do not say things like I disagree, or that's stupid, this is how it really is. Because when you do, you're actually distancing your self from your spouse.

This is not good. What you could do instead to make sure an innocent discussion doesn't turn into an argument is to chose your words better, the sentence you use to introduce your ideas is very important and I'll tell you what I mean. Lets say your spouse say something and even thou their not finished talking you still feel like interrupting them to state your opinion. Do not interrupt and do not start your sentence with words like "no but. Or, that's not right."

No matter how wrong you thing they are, start with a phrase like: Yes and. Or, yes and when you think about it," And state your opinions as if you where agreeing but have something even better to explain.

This way you get there attention to what you have to say because there is no need for them to be defensive, you show them that your can relate to what they say and you bring more value to there conversation and most importantly, you avoid useless arguments and you avoid giving your spouse any reason to consider you as different then they are.

Did this article give you something useful? Visit the blog of this author and discover how to take action and start working on your marriage for amazing results, learn how to begin saving a marriage and start repairing your marriage to make it as comfortable and happy as it should be. Go ahead an visit: Save my marriage today blog

Christian Marriage Help

2008-08-12T15:41:00.001-07:00

Are you interested in saving your christian marriage? If you are, you have come to the right place. I have offered thousands of couples advice on how to successfully help their christian marriage become successful, and help them to live a fulfilling life with a family. Below you will find three very helpful techniques that will help you learn how to save your marriage.

How to Save Your Christian Marriage Tip #1
Okay, this is a very fragile stage, it is likely that you are on the verge of a disastrous situation with your marriage if you already haven't hit it. It is vital that you act quickly and grab two pieces of paper combined with 2 pens or pencils. Give one to your spouse and keep the other one. Now begin to write the problems that you see in the relationship. Once both you and your spouse have done this share it with each other and try to come to a solution to fix the problems. This technique is very useful and alone can save your christian marriage from a nasty situation!

How to Save Your Christian Marriage Tip #2
Since you have already discussed the flaws that you see in the relationship, try to improve what you lack. Take your spouse somewhere romantic, somewhere you know they would like. This step is all about THEM. They are the reason you are trying to make it work, and they are the one thing that you want so much in your life. Once you take them to a romantic spot plan a picnic, or another activity that you can enjoy and really get deep into them about your feelings.

How to Save Your Christian Marriage Tip #3
If you have followed the previous two steps you should be doing better with your spouse. Now it's time to grab paper and pencil again. This time your going to write about the flaws that you see in your spouse. This could get pretty emotional, so have tissue's standing by. Don't hold anything back, but make sure you are very nice about it. It is best that they know what is bothering you, but it has to be polite to get the point across in a nice way!

Learn how to save a marriage only if you're the only one that wants to!

Why Can't I Have Safe Premarital Sex?

2008-08-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

What is personally harmful about premarital sex are not only the consequences that we could see, but the consequences that we cannot see.

Many think that premarital sex is bad only because of pregnancy, venereal diseases, abortion, etc. But there is a consequence far more important and crucial that many ignore:

Sex with people that are not going to be your husband or wife, is an offensive attack against the one who will be.

Your spouse will indeed wonder about all your past romantic and sexual experiences since he/she is part of you for the rest of each others life. And it is common sense that nobody would like to picture their spouse experiencing these unique moments of intimacy with another person.

In other words: it's not about doing it safe or not, it is about preventing experiences that can negatively impact and interfere with your permanent and life long relationship.

A common question is the following:

"But I have been with my partner for years! What if I am 100% sure that I am going to marry him/her?" Many tend to say: "I have been with my girlfriend/boyfriend for years. I don't see why I can't have sex with him/her if we have been together for so much time?"

With in courtship, there is no vow, no pledge, no promise, no pact, nor oath that will guarantee that the relationship will persist or stay together in anyway.A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship can end at any time even if the relationship has lasted a life time and even if both are sure that they "love" each other.

Within marriage, there is legal proof that both are a formal relationship to the eyes of society and God. If a relationship ends within courtship, and if there were sex, you can be sure that this experience will be similar to a divorce since the relationship went to its highest level, but not to its highest commitment.

You can also be sure that this experience will leave a tremendous amount of unnecessary "emotional baggage" since both became one flesh with in sex, and now there is no other choice but to rip that one flesh apart which will result in emotional agony and extreme heartache.

About the Author:
Dionis is the owner of http://www.100questionsbeforemarriage.com/Articles.html website were many important articles about marriage and pre-marriage questions are posted. Please feel free to visit our unique quality content site at http://www.100questionsbeforemarriage.com/Articles.html

How to Decide If Your Marriage Can Be Saved

2008-08-11T13:18:00.001-07:00

Every married couple on the planet has ups and downs in their relationship. No matter how many times you look at a couple and think that their marriage is perfect - it is NOT.

So, if you're having serious troubles in your marriage, how can you determine whether it's time to throw in the towel and move on or buckle down and wait the storm out? This article discusses how you can decide if your marriage can be saved and the signs you should look for to help you along.

Is the Love Still There?

Obviously, this is a big one. No one wants to or should be in a marriage with someone that they don't love. Often times, no matter how much we love someone - through the struggles, the daily chores and living, jobs and children - it is possible to simply fall out of love with them. If you search deep within yourself and determine whether you are only staying with your husband or wife because you're comfortable with them or if you are truly still in love with them - you can decide if your marriage can be saved or not.

If you do still love them and they you, rest assured that love CAN conquer anything. Of course, with that love you need a lot of commitment and determination but it can be done.

Does Your Partner Have the Commitment?

Unfortunately, the only people we can control are ourselves. You can have all the love in the world for your spouse and you can be totally committed, but if they aren't - the marriage will not work. You cannot have a relationship with one person.

If you are the one doing all the trying, all the working and he or she is doing nothing, it's time to find out once and for all what they want. If they simply don't care one way or another (which is what their actions are showing if they are not trying) then it's time to move on. Of course, there is marriage therapy and more but you just can't make someone try to save a marriage.

Take a long, hard look at your marriage and be perfectly honest with yourself - your heart will know whether your marriage can be saved or not. If you have absolutely exhausted all possibilities when it comes to fixing the problems and restoring the good to your marriage, you are not a quitter. You are wise enough to know that you simply can't fix everything and sometimes you have to jump out of the plane before it crashes completely.

Are you looking for online divorce support now? Do you desperately want to talk to others who have been there and know the pain you're going through? Well, visit http://www.xstilla.com today - a new and interactive website specifically tailored to people who are contemplating, involved in or recovering from a divorce. Visit http://www.xstilla.com and get the help you need.

Four Ways to Improve Your Intimacy With Your Wife

2008-08-11T13:16:00.000-07:00

Are you married? If so, you likely love your wife, right? Despite a deep and intense love for your wife, you may still want to see an improvement in your intimacy. After all, what man doesn't want good sex?

If you want to improve your intimacy with your wife, it is important to know that you have a number of different options. Unfortunately, many men automatically start think of the bedroom. Yes, you do want to "wow," your wife in the bedroom, but that is not all that sex and intimacy is about. In fact, that is where many marriages go wrong. Too much focus is placed on the sex or the lack of it.

To help you properly improve your intimacy with your wife, please continue reading on. A few easy to implement, yet successful approaches are highlighted below for your convenience.

1 - Date Her

How long have you been married? If you have been married for a number of years now, do you honestly remember when your last "real," date was. Unfortunately, many men underestimate the power of a date. You will not want to make this mistake. If you opt just for the sex, your wife may start to feel like it is her responsibility to please you and this is not how a relationship should work.

To not only improve your satisfaction in the bed, but to improve your wife's satisfaction, take her out on a date. Many times, getting out of the house is enough to bring new excitement into a relationship. For the best level of success, choose a romantic date theme, such as a fancy dinner, a romantic movie, or a night at a nice hotel.

2 - Compliment Her

When is the last time that you have paid your wife a truly nice and unique compliment? If it has been a while, it is time for you to start again. Is your wife wearing a new outfit? Has she recently started a weight loss plan? Did your wife get her hair cut? If so, be sure to compliment her. Complimenting your wife on her appearance will increase her self-confidence. This, in turn, can improve experiences in the bedroom.

As important as it is to compliment your wife on her appearance, it is also important to remember to compliment her on other areas of your relationship. Do you notice that the house is clean? Has your wife prepared a nice dinner? If so, thank her for the job well done. This will not only help to improve your relationship in general, but it can have an impact on your experiences in the bedroom.

3 - Seduce Her

What is sex like in your home? Does it occur like clockwork? Do you actually take the time to ask your wife if she wants to have sex? If so, try to refrain from doing so. Yes, you may be rejected, due to a headache or being tired, but why not take the chance? Be spontaneous. Seduce your wife. Make her want to have sex with you.

4 - Fulfill Her Fantasies

In keeping with seducing your wife, let her know that you want to fulfill her fantasies. It may take your wife a few times to open up about what she likes or fantasizes about sexually, but the information will likely come out soon. Give it your all to fulfill your wife's sexual fantasies. It is also important to note that afterwards is the perfect time to share your fantasies and sexual desires with your wife. In end, you may all end up being much more pleased.

As you can see, there are a number of different ways that you can go about improving the intimacy in your relationship. Please remember, however, that you want to get started in someplace other than the bedroom. Sex in a marriage is about more and should be more than just the act itself. Taking the time to date and compliment your wife will more than pay off in the end.

For more articles, tips and information on ways you can improve your sex life visit Have Better Sex Now.

Five Ways to Improve Your Intimacy With Your Husband

2008-08-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

Are you married? If you are, you likely love your husband. With that said, love isn't always enough to keep a relationship going strong. Intimacy is very important to having a strong, happy, and healthy relationship.

How is your life in the bedroom? Do you think that your sex and intimacy can be improved? If so, you may be nervous about discussing the subject with your husband. After all, your husband may wrongly get the impression that they don't satisfy you anymore.

If you are interested in improving your intimacy with your husband, there are still a number of other, different approaches that you can take. A few of these approaches are touched on below.

1. Date

If you and your husband have been married for a while, there is a good chance that you haven't gone out on a date in a while. Many married couples get to a point in their relationship that is commonly called "the comfort zone." This zone is not one that you want to be in, as your relationship may feel more like a friendship. To prevent this from happening, ask your husband out on a date.

Although many wives believe that their husbands should do the date asking, you sometimes have to take hold of the situation yourself. Now may be one of those times. Choose an activity that is romantic, such as a romantic comedy for a movie or a nice restaurant. This can help to spark a little bit of romance and passion in your relationship, which may lead to better and closer intimacy at home.

2. Show Romantic Gestures

When it comes to "wowing," in a relationship, women sometimes think that men should do it. You will also want to "wow," your husband, like you did the first time that you met. One of the easiest ways to do so is by performing a number of romantic gestures. When out shopping with your husband, grab their hand and hold it. When walking by them in the house, give them a quick kiss. Sending a love note to work with them is another romantic gesture that you may want to try.

3. Be Sexy and Seductive

If your marriage enters into the above mentioned comfort zone, sex and intimacy may seem like a thing of the past. If you do have sex, it may seem more like a responsibly, a chore, or even work. To help reduce these feelings, be sexy and seductive. Do not wait for your husband to initiate sex and do not ask if your husband is up for it first, just get right down to business. Strip for your husband or simply just remove their clothes. Snuggle next to them on the couch and just start massaging their whole body. You may be surprised just how easy and effective it is to be sexy and seductive.

4. Be Spontaneous

As it was previously stated, do not ask your husband if he wants to have sex and do not wait for him to start. Instead, take matters into your own hands. Whether you start with a little bit of foreplay or jump right into the intercourse, do so. Your husband should like the surprise. Also, remember that being spontaneous involves having sex at different times of the day, as well as in different locations of the house.

5. Offer to Experiment In the Bedroom

To improve sex and intimacy it is important to know that a change can do you good. You may want to suggest to your husband that you experiment in the bedroom or take them up on their suggestion to do so. Remember that experimenting in the bedroom doesn't have to mean getting an additional sex partner or doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. A new sex position may be just what your relationship needs.

As you can see, there are a number of easy ways that you can go about improving your intimacy with your husband. So what are you waiting for? Get started today.

For more articles, tips and information on ways you can improve your sex life visit Have Better Sex Now.

MA To Consider Out-of-State Gay Marriages

2008-08-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

Under a 1913 law on the books in Massachusetts, the state cannot recognize any marriage that another state, where the to-be-weds reside, does not recognize as legal. This has meant, thanks that moderate giant of a man Mitt Romney, that the state was able to side-step the recognition of gay marriages, even after the state’s Supreme Court said that such marriages were, indeed, legal for out-of-state gays seeking marriage in Massachusetts.

Opponents of this law have long pointed out that not only is it an arcane law – for instance, California, which has legalized gay marriages, does not now and never has had such a law – but that Massachusetts has never seemed to consistently enforce it prior to Romney’s digging it out and using to thwart gay marriages.

I don’t know the exact history of this law, but I can’t imagine that it was anything but some repugnant extension of some group’s religious or moral positions that led to its creation. Whether it was created to keep MA from having to recognize bi-racial marriages (which were illegal in most states in 1913), or was done to allow MA to not recognize some religious groups’ marriages, is really quite unimportant.

What this old law points out is two very important things. One: When states get into the business of legislating morality, you wind up with some pretty scary and pretty ridiculous laws on the books.

Second, this law, and the concurring law in MA that prohibits gays (and straights), having been married in MA and who have moved residence to another state, from attaining divorces in MA, demonstrates the amount of work that will need to be done on a state-by-state basis to achieve a truly equitable status for gay marriage – and gay divorce - in this country.

Ironically, for opponents of gay marriage, ex-patriot MA gays who are married in MA and move to another state and seek divorce, cannot get divorced in MA, nor in any other state, as no other state recognizes their marriage. Thus, these gay couples will be forever married. That’s worth a good laugh, if nothing else. Source

How Do I Make My Wife Love Me Again?

2008-07-30T15:04:00.002-07:00

Lately, you have realized your relationship with your wife have drifter further apart. You prayed hard everyday to find your wife's lost love feelings. "Does my wife still love me?" You start to think of this almost every now and then. Finally, one day your wife took the courage and tell you, "Darling, I am feeling very unhappy when I am with you and I do not love you anymore." She packed her luggage and stormed out of the house. Your world seems to fall apart and you do not know what to do. "What am I supposed to do? How do I make my wife love me again?"

- Cooling period

Your wife must be feeling confused and this could be the reason why she moved out of the house. Do not call or send her many text messages telling her how much you love her. Even if you would like to contact her, just send only ONE message stating that you will give her the time to think of the relationship. Contact her after the cooling period. This is also the best time for you to think of the problem that caused her to leave.

- Build the trust and start the relationship all over again

Remember those days that you courted her? Start the relationship all over again and go through the process of understanding each other. Try to regain her confidence slowly and make her trust you again. I believed your wife still loves you. If not, she would not marry you in the first place. You can better the marriage by improving the flaws found in the relationship.

- Too Cold Or Too Hot?

Being possessive (Too Hot) is not considered caring. Woman need a man who can give them enough care and concern but not to the extend of controlling everything in her life. This problem has also been one of the factors to divorce. However, not showing enough interest (Too Cold) in what your wife is doing can also disfavor the marriage as you are not giving them enough attention. This is one of the common reason that wife fall in love with another man as they feel lonely and needy.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment and it is something that everybody should cherish it forever. There are Ways To Love Your Wife and make the marriage strong and happy. CLICK HERE to discover the formulas on how to make your wife love you again. Good Luck and I am sure your wife will be back soon!

Marriage and Divorce

2008-07-30T15:04:00.001-07:00

I remember funny quotes that may tell us that the great portion of it may brings us into realization and it goes like this "In the first year of marriage, the man talks, the woman listen, in the second year of marriage the woman talks, the man listen and in the third year of marriage both of them talk the neighbor listen. This act can result, termination of marriage or Divorce.

Of course majority of people get acquainted with this act. Divorce or dissolution of marriage defined by Wikipedia Encyclopedia as the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse and it can be contrasted with an annulment, which is a declaration that a marriage is void, though the effects of marriage may be recognized in such unions, such as spouse support or alimony,child custody, child support, and distribution of property. Divorce laws are different in every country like in the Philippines and Malta, they did not allow divorce but permitted annulment.

Where did Divorce really begin?

In early civilizations marriage and marriage dissolution were considered private matters. Marriage and divorce were first placed under comprehensive state regulation in Rome during the reign of Augustus (27 b.c.-a.d. 14). As Christianity grew, governments came under religious control by Catholic Church, the most powerful of the Christian sects, strictly forbade divorce. The only exception to this ban was if one of the parties had not been converted to Christianity before the marriage. During the 1500s the Protestant Reformation movement in Europe rejected religious control over marriage and helped move the matter of divorce from the church to the state. Divorces were granted by European courts upon a showing of fault, such as adultery, cruelty, or desertion.

It sounds controversial but it is inevitable truth happens in every couples that the strength of relationship is going week as the years pass by. It is inevitable truth that marriage takes as a higher degree in man's life. It is a higher degree because once you are engage in marriage, ought to deprive several things just to enter crucial relationship. Comparing when you are just a bachelor, you can still live by eating bread alone, which means that it is easy for a bachelor to provide and find things necessary for his needs, he can still hang-outs with friends with minimal worries that may bother your mind or uncertainty, he have still more or less freedom that there is less worries in many aspects, and other things that bachelor take beneficial compare to married one.

Almost majority of couples say that the sweetest part of marriage is in the beginning because passionate love and warmth romance sheds in that stage to the fullest. In the first time of rendezvous, the both parties have a lot of plans like constructing decision if how many babies they will have, how elegant house they will build, planning to have a car/s, how can they established greater things more what they are expecting for maintaining good relationship, and planning to separate from parents to enjoy liberty.

In the contrary, there are couples have been tried for many years by keeping good relationship, patience, temperance, meekness, benevolence and long suffering although it is inevitable to get misunderstood and distraught one another for assimilating adventurously in several years but the verdict always depends among couples on how to mitigate things which leads and tends to destruct good relationships.

Some says that putting marriage into end or divorce will not serve as a climax of love affairs because they can still find a partners that can meet to their wants or can ease the urge of flesh like sexual intercourse. Sex is the happiest thing that man can achieve and covers impotence of each parties. By keeping good sexual relationship will bring couple's relation to be strengthen and consistent.

As I have said that marriage serves as a higher degree for mankind because there are a lot of factors that can immediately change your schemes. We cannot ignore the fact that there are many couples hastily get married because of many factors - like excessive love or lust of flesh, curiosity of sex, entice by either man or woman, ignorance or illiteracy, lack of council by parents or neighbors and sexual experience. As we reckon all this things, we can now see the actual panorama of voiding marriage and we can now formulate questions that what factors why marriage put into end or get void by legacy by citing data on Divorce Statistics in various countries. Divorce Statistics and statistics research services.

Keys to Fixing a Damaged Marriage

2008-07-30T15:03:00.000-07:00

People rarely like to admit, to themselves much less to others, that they're going through hard times in their marriage. It's far from comfortable to have accept the fact that your marriage could be in pretty bad shape. The truth is, though, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage and every couple experiences difficulties at some point. Some people may be really good at hiding their marital issues from the outside world and projecting a constant facade of happiness and affection, but that doesn't mean they don't have their share of problems. Commitment and positive thinking are the secret weapons that enable successful couple to keep their marriages strong. Sometimes, though, a couple needs a little outside help. Don't hesitate to seek help if you and your spouse are having facing serious issues with one another.

WHEN YOU NEED TO GET HELP

If you've been married for any length of time you've probably been through at least a few rough patches with your spouse. Eventually, you probably straightened things out without any outside help. So how do you know if the problems you're facing now are of a magnitude to warrant professional assistance or just another one of the lows in the natural course of highs and lows that make up any relationship? There are a few signs that your marriage needs some professional help. You may have been going in circles over the same issues over and over again without making any progress. You and your spouse might feel so angry and hostile toward each other that the two of you can no longer communicate civilly with one another. Both these problems warrant seeking help. Or if you just feel deeply afraid that your marriage is going to fall apart, that's not a "gut feeling" you should ignore.

WHERE TO FIND HELP

Many couples have benefited from the camaraderie and shared experiences and wisdom to be found in support groups. If you prefer privacy and feel your relationship would benefit more from some one-on-one attention, consider marital therapy or counseling. Counselors are trained professionals who can give unbiased advice. Since they aren't right in the fray, so to speak, they have a better vantage point from which to look at the underlying problems that are damaging your marriage.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'VE FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON TO HELP YOU?

It can nerve-wracking to confide in a stranger or to discuss your marriage in front of a group of people. You want to be sure you trust the professionals you seek help from. Meet with at least three or four counselors and check out a couple support groups before you decide on one in particular. You want a counselor or therapist who answers your questions to your satisfaction and makes you and your spouse both feel at ease. The importance of a good rapport with your counselor or therapist cannot be over emphasized.

As frustrating and frightening as facing serious problems in your marriage can be, the right source of help, combined with the love and commitment you two have for each other, can restore the healthy, thriving relationship you once shared.

Brent Crouch is the owner of BrentCrouch.com and the creator of MarriageEtc.com. He has dedicated this site for those interested in finding Free Information on how to have happy marriages

Recipe for successful marriage

2008-07-29T13:52:00.000-07:00

The book Before You Say I Do seems to be a solution to today’s problem being faced by young people and even married couples who are trapped in relationships as well as those who are scared about getting married.

A book of 108 pages, Before you say I do and after was written by Pastor Obaloluwa Osuolale, a senior Pastor and experienced Marriage Counselor. The book which is divided into 13 chapters, spells out in clear terms and in simple English that anyone contemplating on marriage needs to know certain things before he or she get into marriage setting. The author reveals what all married couples need to understand to make their home a happy one, hence it is quite different from every other book on marriage.

According to Obaloluwa , the marriage institution today is facing a lot of challenges like every aspect of man ‘s life, he therefore argues “it is therefore high time we began to seek God’s face for knowledge in this all important and God’s ordained union of a man and a woman. The book opens up in the first chapter on God’s idea of marriage and His purpose for the union, the Bible in Genesis 2:20 set the tone for this “ so the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field but for Adam no suitable helper was found”. The author goes on to explain why spouses are meant to be helpers and not burdens to each other.

Chapter three explains that marriage was ordained by God for companionship, sexual fulfillment and procreation. In chapter four, the issue of marriage as a covenant is also discussed. Obaloluwa is able to provide explanations on why the marriage institution is a covenant bound by God, he nails it with Mal 2:14 saying “it is because the Lord is acting as witness between you and the wife of your youth because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife is your marriage covenant
“ therefore the book teaches on the implication of making a covenant before God.

That the author was able to find time to carry out a research into the marriage institution is amazing, little wonder he makes it so simple for readers to understand what it takes to get married in this new world in Chapters five and six. He also teaches on how to go about planning and executing a successful marriage. In chapter seven, he focuses on family finances, even as he explains why money is a problem in many homes today. He also reveals why spouses should keep joint account in managing the family and keeping investment.

In Chapter eight, Obaloluwa deals with a serious issues which is affecting marriage today. He explains that it is not enough to confine the issue of sex between a man and woman only to the bedroom. Although the author confesses this section may look obscene for young readers but he is able to give details on how spouses can perfectly enjoy their sexual life.

In Chapter nine, the author labels the three vitamin C’s of a happy marriage i.e communication, commitment and compromise. He notes that these vital components are very important for marriage to be blissful.

The issue of In–Laws and how to relate with them takes centre stage in Chapter 10. Although the author agrees on why couples should keep their families away from intruders who may include parents, he nevertheless cautions that couples need not keep away from their relations as most people do nowadays in Africa. He therefore cites the examples of Ruth and Naomi who had an enviable relationship in the Bible. He urges couples to have a rethink as good relationship with parents can be achieved by cooperating with the Holy Spirit for guidance.

Photo: THE SUN PUBLISHING

he author concludes the book in chapter 13 by sounding a note of warning that when understanding is missing in marriage, there would be no pointer for the marriage to continue and condemnation would become the order of the day, and which in the long run, could break the relationship. He rounds off by laying emphasis on why arguments ought to be settled by couples alone.
Source

Tyler Perry's 'The Marriage Counselor' tickets go on sale Aug. 1

2008-07-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

Posted by The Grand Rapids Press

Tyler Perry

GRAND RAPIDS -- Tickets go on sale Aug. 1 for a touring performance of Tyler Perry's "The Marriage Counselor," which will be presented at 8 p.m. Oct. 17 at Van Andel Arena.

The cast includes "House of Payne" comedian Palmer Williams Jr., R&B singer Tony Grant and Prince singing partner Tamar Davis. Davis portrays a marriage counselor whose own marriage needs some guidance. Her mother and father-in-law have moved in temporarily after Hurricane Katrina.

"The Marriage Counselor" is the 10th play written, directed and produced by Tyler Perry, who is best known for his movies including "Diary of a Mad Black Woman."

Tickets, $40-$45, at the Van Andel Arena and DeVos Place box offices, Ticketmaster locations, 456-3333, or online at ticketmaster.com. Ticket prices will go up $3 on the day of the event.

Tyler Perry's adult musical comedy comes to Fort Wayne

2008-07-29T13:49:00.000-07:00

The word is out-Tyler Perry's The Marriage Counselor is a hit and it is hot and it's coming to Fort Wayne at the Embassy Theatre.

Critics say, the number one urban playwright in the country has created yet another exceptional piece of inspired work as well as introduced new talent to the world. Tyler Perry's The Marriage Counselor gives an account of marriage that puts the quest to the test.

With the comedic craftsmanship of his amazing talent, Perry presents different segments that identify the quality of marriage. Roger Jackson (Tony Grant), and his wife Judith (Tamar Davis) the marriage counselor would appear to have the perfect marriage. Roger's father, Floyd (Palmer Williams Jr.) and Judith's mom, T.T. (Altrinna Grayson) are temporary house guests post Katrina. Judith, the professional Ivy league-educated marriage counselor gives marital advice to couples who are confused and bewildered. What about her own marriage? Who can counsel the counselor when she turns to a certain college friend? The surprise elements of this adult-themed production are unpredictable yet very delightful.

Perry has introduced Williams to his production and much to the delight of the fans; he has become an overwhelming favorite. Palmer's spontaneous wit makes the audience roar with laughter.

Other cast members include: veteran stage actor Grant with the golden voice and newcomers Davis, Timon Kyle Durrett and Stephanie Ferrett.

The Marriage Counselor is Perry's 10th acclaimed stage production. Audiences are calling it a "truly a must-see event with extraordinary singing talent that is amazing.

Tickets for Tyler Perry's The Marriage Counselor stage play are scheduled to go on sale Aug. 1 at Embassy Theatre Box Office and all other Ticketmaster locations.

To charge by phone, call (260) 424-1811. To purchase tickets online, go to www.ticketmaster.com or www.tylerperry.com.

Source

Marriage counseling moves online

2008-07-24T06:11:00.000-07:00

By MARILYN GARDNER

When troubles cloud a marriage, couples typically have several options for resolving their differences. Some work out problems themselves. Others turn to family and friends for advice. Still others head for a marriage counselor's office.

(ABC News Photo Illustration)

Now, in a high-tech world, they have another choice: online marital counseling. A computerized program called eHarmony Marriage seeks to help couples communicate better, rekindle romance, and resolve conflicts more compassionately, says Les Parrott, who created the program with his wife, Leslie, a marriage and family therapist.

The site is an offshoot of the Internet matchmaking service, eHarmony.com.

"It's perfect for people not quite at the place to get counseling, who want to do something practical to improve their relationship," says Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University.

That "something practical" begins with a 40-minute online questionnaire covering issues ranging from finances to housework, trust, family relationships and spirituality. Each partner answers separately. Their responses generate a computer report outlining their strengths and weaknesses as a couple.

"It will reveal where you guys are really strong and where you will find the most benefit if you invest in this area," Parrott says. For instance, "You do really well in communication until you get to this area -- in-laws."

From that summary, the computer produces a "marriage action plan" that includes interactive video exercises, articles, and resources.

Couples pay $150 for the program, which typically takes six to eight weeks to complete. Users are often in their 30s and 40s.

"Women tend to be the first to move in this direction," Parrott says. "Men tend to be a bit more oblivious to the problems."

Although online matchmaking is widely accepted, does Internet marriage counseling, with its click-of-the-mouse approach, hold a legitimate place?

Diane Sollee, director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education in Washington, D.C., thinks it does. Explaining that good counseling gives people new information, she says, "You can do that in any medium -- face to face, over the phone, by computer."

It's also a way to help couples who are far apart -- a husband in Iraq, his wife in the United States.

"It's very cost-ineffective to require that a couple sit with a therapist in a private office, an hour at a time, to get information," says Sollee, herself a marriage therapist. "It's more efficient to get that information on a DVD or a Web site. You can give couples an assignment: 'Watch this DVD. Make a list of your 10 wishes, hopes, dreams for yourselves as a couple. List five issues that give you the most anxiety. Then if you need more help, more counseling, more coaching, the two of you can get on the phone with a counselor.' "

Parrott emphasizes that e-therapy is not a cure-all for every troubled marriage.

"It's not a substitute for counseling," he says. "If a couple is on the brink of divorce or at a huge impasse, they need to see somebody in person."

Mort Fertel, founder of Marriage Fitness, an alternative to counseling that uses a CD audio learning system, acknowledges that face-to-face contact offers certain advantages.

"Trust is very important," he says. "People can acquire that trust more quickly if they shake hands and look at each other."

Noting that a lot of communication takes place nonverbally, he adds, "[A therapist] can see physically the couple's dynamics -- if their arms are crossed or their legs are crossed away from each other."

Yet remote counseling offers advantages, too, Fertel says. People can choose an expert anywhere, regardless of geographical location. For those who find it hard to discuss difficult subjects, "It's easier to get to the heart of the matter more quickly if you're not sitting face to face."

Parrott finds that the No. 1 problem couples struggle with is communication. Resolving conflict ranks second.

"People ask, 'What's the one most important thing I can do to improve my marriage?'" he says. "We say, practice empathy."

For Sollee, finding ways to deal with the nation's "alarming and unacceptable" rate of divorce and family breakdown remains a challenge.

"If we know we have something that can help couples," she says, "it's our responsibility to get that information to them in a user-friendly, understandable, affordable form. I really think the divorce rate can go down, and we can do better."
Source

Looking For a Wedding Planner Checklist

2008-07-20T13:09:00.001-07:00

Wedding is the most important day in one's life. Planning for wedding is a tiresome task that requires both skill and patience. As with other kind of planning, the wedding planning also requires sufficient energy to translate the plans into action. The most important part of decision making while planning for wedding is the date of the wedding. One has to consider the convenience of other people, especially friends and relatives. The date should be fixed after considering the weather patterns of the locality in which the marriage is going to be conducted, seasons and public holidays. Also, if the person is a believer in astrology or numerology, an expert in respective fields should be consulted before fixing the date. Also, if you are working in high work-pressure office environment, choose a date during the off-season when there will be comparatively less work. Once the date is fixed, one can keep that date as a frame of reference and fix other things.

The next thing to fix is the wedding budget. While preparing a wedding budget, one has to wake up from the dreamy spell of marriage thoughts and should be as realistic as possible. First one has to know one's income. Then prepare a budget that stays comfortably within that earning potential. There may be hundreds of dream weddings you have encountered in the media. But be pragmatic about your wedding budget and do not spend an amount that is beyond your financial capacity. That is better for the post-marriage life.

The next thing is to select a place for the wedding. It can be a worshiping place, if they allow, an auditorium, a house, a hotel or even a beach or any other resort. Two main things regarding the place of wedding are 1) it should be affordable with one's budget and 2) it should be a place conveniently accessible not only to the bride and groom, but to a majority of the guests. Then either you have to hire a wedding planner, if you can afford one, or do the small but important things for the wedding by your own. Then invitations should be printed well in advance and guests should be promptly invited.

The next thing is shopping. The wedding dress, ornaments, gifts and other accessories must be bought. It is easy to forget buying gifts for someone dear to you. So it is better to write down the number of relatives and friends you want to give a gift and then proceed to buy gifts for everyone in the list meticulously. Always buy gifts according to the budget fixed earlier. Also, one has to arrange someone for doing the interior decoration of the wedding hall. Chairs, tables and other furniture for the wedding should be arranged. Music should be arranged for the occasion, if needed. And photographers, both video and still variety, should be arranged.

Ian Pennington is an accomplished niche website developer and author.
To learn more about wedding planner checklists, please visit Finding a Wedding Planner Today for current articles and discussions.

Marriage - Don't Rush!

2008-07-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Some women believe they'll never be "whole" or a "real woman" until they find a man and get married. Women who are in a hurry to get married are sometimes desperate to have children, while others are anxious to move out of their parents' house. These women usually either end up in unhappy marriages, or ruin their chances of getting married in the first place.

There's a wise saying we can all benefit from: "Marry in haste, repent at leisure." It's very true. If you marry someone without getting to know them first, it could end in a divorce. Many women who rush to the alter fail to ask pre marriage questions that would help them get to know their partner better. You need to know your mate's stance on things such as politics, religion, money, and children.

When a desperate woman thinks she's found her man, she might want to get married as soon as possible because she wants to make sure he doesn't "get away." Even if there are rough spots in the relationship, they hope that marriage will somehow magically take care of all their problems. They couldn't be more wrong. Marriage doesn't make problems in your relationship go away. Marriage magnifies them.

Finally, women who are in a hurry to find a husband will often send out desperate vibes that send most men running the other way. They're lucky to keep a man beyond the first few dates!

It's best to find contentment within yourself first. If you are fulfilled and confident as a person, men will be much more attracted to you. If you're happy with yourself, you will be in a much better position to find a man who will add to your happiness.

Once you find the man you'd like to marry, you want to be sure to get to know him as well as possible. That means asking pre marriage questions about issues like children, money, personal goals, etc. There's an ebook called "1000 Questions for Couples" that can help you learn how compatible you are. You can get a copy at http://strongrelationships.info.

Dana Rhinehart is a freelance writer who specializes in relationships and marriage advice. You can read more of her tips at Questions Before Marriage.

What Causes Families to Break Up?

2008-07-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

There are many possible factors in the break up of a marriage. A happy family is one of the greatest things in life. Having a solid marriage as the foundation is critical. Things usually start out well with a marriage, so what goes wrong? Many people just give up on the relationship too soon and go on to another relationship. Unfortunately, they sometimes make the same mistakes in this relationship too, so it's 'game over' again.

What are these mistakes and how can you avoid them? This is a big question, but a few of the underlying factors that causes families to break up are:

Not doing those 'little things' for each other anymore. Remember how you used to cook his/her favorite meal as a treat? Or maybe you put a note in their lunch box to let them know you were thinking of them while they're not with you. Perhaps you've both just forgotten to show each other common courtesies like asking instead of telling, or holding the door for the other person.

Jealousy, whether it has a basis or not, can be very damaging to a relationship. The key to diffusing jealousy problems is to avoid situations where your behavior is questionable. Openness and honesty go a long way. If something happens that could be a problem, let your spouse know right away. Don't try to hide it from them.

Infidelity is also a major cause of marital discord. If you have been unfaithful, it is going to take some time to rebuild the trust in the relationship. You can help this along by being honest and communicating well. Be where you say you're going to be, if you're going to be late, call and let your spouse know. Be affectionate and show your spouse that you care about them and the relationship. Be 100% committed to making things work.

Avoiding what causes families to break up can be difficult, but it is worth it to save your family from the pain and destruction of a broken marriage. Don't make the mistake of giving up on your relationship too easily.

Is your marriage in trouble? Get the help you need NOW, before it's too late! Already broken up? Want him/her back? Learn exactly what you need to do and when to do it to save your marriage.
Can I Save My Marriage

California Voters Support

2008-07-18T17:09:00.000-07:00

By MYLENE MANGALINDAN
July 18, 2008 4:40 p.m.

Californians are likely to support same-sex marriage in the coming November election, suggests to an opinion poll released Friday.

According to the Field Poll, 51% of California voters surveyed said they would oppose Proposition 8, a ballot measure that would amend the state constitution to define marriage as between a man and a woman, thus banning same-sex marriage. Forty-one percent of voters surveyed said they would vote "yes" on the measure, according to the statewide survey that was completed this week.

Those results are nearly identical to findings of a Field Poll in May that found 51% of Californian voters surveyed approved of allowing gay couples to marry, while 42% disapproved.

In May, California's Supreme Court struck down a ban on same-sex marriage as unconstitutional, allowing gay marriages to become legal starting June 17. Opposition groups put an initiative banning same-sex marriage on the November ballot. The measure would need a simple majority to become law.

The issue has deeply divided the state. The Field Poll found wide differences in voting preferences by region. Fifty-six percent of voters surveyed living in California's coastal counties, which represent about two-thirds of all likely voters, said they oppose the gay-marriage ban, compared with 37% who said they support the ban. Sentiment was reversed in the state's inland counties where 54% of voters surveyed said they support Prop. 8 and 40% said they oppose it.

The results mirror some of the unfolding dynamics among some counties. County clerks in Butte and Kern counties, which are inland, stopped performing civil wedding ceremonies for all couples, before June 17, citing budget constraints.

The San Francisco Bay Area showed the strongest opposition to Prop. 8, with 67% of voters surveyed there opposing the proposition and 26% supporting it, according to the new survey. Los Angeles County voters also opposed the measure, 51% to 41%.

Write to Mylene Mangalindan at mylene.mangalindan@wsj.com

Madonna marriage not good - brother

2008-07-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage is in trouble because the ambitious pair compete with each other, the pop star's brother said.

Christopher Ciccone accused film director Ritchie, 39, of being uncomfortable with his wife's once close relationship with her brother.

Promoting a new book on the singer, he told GMTV that the couple's marriage was "not as good as (it) could be".

"Her career continues its gentle glide up but Guy's has gotten a little bit stale," he said.

Ciccone said that being married to Madonna, 49, would be "next to impossible".

He said: "They are two very ambitious and creative people competing. On some level they are going to be competing with each other and if one's doing better..."

Madonna's spokeswoman has denied speculation that the couple were consulting divorce lawyers and that their relationship was on the rocks.

Ciccone said: "It has to be difficult, when everyone in the world is saying you are about to get divorced. It's like being told you are fat. Eventually you start to think you are."

He said of Ritchie: "He's really the first one (boyfriend) that I didn't get on with." Madonna's "closeness" to her brother was an "issue" for the Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels director, he said.

"I don't like him. He's an unpleasant kind of person," Ciccone said. "We haven't found a way to become friends." Source

Madonna's brother Christopher Ciccone says her marriage is in trouble

Marriage And Family Counseling Sector Adds One More

2008-07-18T17:05:00.000-07:00

Written by Editor Choice

Jennifer Baxt is a counselor who has worked with families, couples, individuals, children and geriatric patients who have had difficulties with depression, substance abuse, bipolar disorder, anxiety and personality disorders. Devoted to her work, she has gone beyond the office to include the online world. In fact, she offers her services and help online at Complete Counseling Solutions with five other online counselors. Her mission is to help as many people as she can, which is why she is trying to make herself as accessible as possible. There is even a free therapy forum now being offered on the site to give more people the opportunity to find some helpful advice or suggestions online, instead of having to make an appointment in person. Just recently, Jennifer Baxt completed her doctorate in marriage and family therapy. This is not to say that she is limited in experience. Despite only recently completing her doctorate, she has had previous experience in dealing with all kinds of patients in many different situations. After first going to University of Florida and earning her bachlors in communications, she went back to school years later to get her masters in marriage and family therapy. While in school, she spent time in a hospital Emergency Room as a patient advocate and family counselor. From there, she gained more experience while working with patients dealing with substance abuse and working in a hospital inpatient Psychiatric unit. Jennifer then decided to go back to school for her doctorate in marriage and family therapy. Dr. Jennifer Baxt is now ready to focus on doing what she does best; helping those who need her. In the past she has worked with children, adults and geriatric patients. Now she is also fully prepared to help individuals, couples and families who are looking for some assistance in dealing with any difficulties they may have. It would seem that Dr. Baxt would be the one to go to for family and marital problems because she is committed to what she does, and because she could be considered a specialist in that area. In fact, while completing her doctorate she did her ACP on pre-assessment for couple’s therapy. Dr. Jennifer Baxt is definitely the person to see when looking for help in any of these areas. She has both the education and experience behind her, and wants to help anyone she can. Dr. Baxt can be contacted for both face-to-face and online therapy appointments. For more information or to book an appointment to speak with Dr. Jennifer Baxt, go to www.completecounselingsolutions.com or call toll free 1-866-900-0316.

Marriage counseling moves online

2008-07-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

By Marilyn Gardner

Now, in a high-tech world, they have another choice: online marital counseling. A computerized program called eHarmony Marriage seeks to help couples communicate better, rekindle romance, and resolve conflicts more compassionately, says Les Parrott, who created the program (marriage.eharmony.com) with his wife, Leslie, a marriage and family therapist.

The site is an offshoot of the Internet matchmaking service, eHarmony.com.

“It’s perfect for people not quite at the place to get counseling, who want to do something practical to improve their relationship,” says Dr. Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University.

That “something practical” begins with a 40-minute online questionnaire covering issues ranging from finances to housework, trust, family relationships, and spirituality. Each partner answers separately. Their responses generate a computer report outlining their strengths and weaknesses as a couple.

“It will reveal where you guys are really strong and where you will find the most benefit if you invest in this area,” Parrott says. For instance, “You do really well in communication until you get to this area – in-laws.”

From that summary, the computer produces a “marriage action plan” that includes interactive video exercises, articles, and resources.

Couples pay $150 for the program, which typically takes six to eight weeks to complete. Users are often in their 30s and 40s. “Women tend to be the first to move in this direction,” Parrott says. “Men tend to be a bit more oblivious to the problems.”

Although online matchmaking is widely accepted, does Internet marriage counseling, with its click-of-the-mouse approach, hold a legitimate place?

Diane Sollee, director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education in Washington, D.C., thinks it does. Explaining that good counseling gives people new information, she says, “You can do that in any medium – face to face, over the phone, by computer.”

It’s also a way to help couples who are far apart – a husband in Iraq, his wife in the United States.

“It’s very cost-ineffective to require that a couple sit with a therapist in a private office, an hour at a time, to get information,” says Ms. Sollee, herself a marriage therapist. “It’s more efficient to get that information on a DVD or a website. You can give couples an assignment: ‘Watch this DVD. Make a list of your 10 wishes, hopes, dreams for yourselves as a couple. List five issues that give you the most anxiety. Then if you need more help, more counseling, more coaching, the two of you can get on the phone with a counselor.’ ”

Parrott emphasizes that e-therapy is not a cure-all for every troubled marriage. “It’s not a substitute for counseling,” he says. “If a couple is on the brink of divorce or at a huge impasse, they need to see somebody in person.”

Mort Fertel, founder of Marriage Fitness, an alternative to counseling that uses a CD audio learning system, acknowledges that face-to-face contact offers certain advantages. “Trust is very important,” he says. “People can acquire that trust more quickly if they shake hands and look at each other.”

Noting that a lot of communication takes place nonverbally, he adds, “[A therapist] can see physically the couple’s dynamics – if their arms are crossed or their legs are crossed away from each other.”

Yet remote counseling offers advantages, too, Mr. Fertel says. People can choose an expert anywhere, regardless of geographical location. For those who find it hard to discuss difficult subjects, “It’s easier to get to the heart of the matter more quickly if you’re not sitting face to face.”

Parrott finds that the No. 1 problem couples struggle with is communication. Resolving conflict ranks second. “People ask, ‘What’s the one most important thing I can do to improve my marriage?’ We say, practice empathy.”

For Sollee, finding ways to deal with the nation’s “alarming and unacceptable” rate of divorce and family breakdown remains a challenge. “If we know we have something that can help couples,” she says, “it’s our responsibility to get that information to them in a user-friendly, understandable, affordable form. I really think the divorce rate can go down, and we can do better.”

Pre-bride program offers new approach to marriage-counseling

2008-07-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

When 28-year-old Shirli married last year, she knew that the preparations for her wedding would also have to include the mandatory bridal counseling class demanded by the rabbinate or religious council, but she really wanted to find a class or counselor that would give the experience more meaning.

(illustrative photo)
Photo: Ariel Jerozolimski

"I was already living with my fiancé," said the young Jerusalemite, who describes herself as neither secular nor religious but traditional.

"For me, the class was an important part of the preparations for my marriage and I wanted it to be a special experience that would give me practical advice for after my wedding.

"A friend told me about the 'Sister Bride' program and said that it was a little different to the standard class most people take before their weddings," continued Shirli. "My husband and I spent three hours in the class and we both found it very valuable, even enjoyable."

Run by the Tzohar nonprofit organization, which aims to strengthen ties between the religious and secular communities, together with the rabbinate in Jerusalem and several other locations countrywide, Sister Bride pairs modern-Orthodox women who are experienced wives and mothers with young, secular brides-to-be for a lucid, two-way session.

The program will be the main focus of a series of conferences entitled "Let Life In" taking place this month for both religious and secular women. The opening series of workshops begins Wednesday in Moshav Beit Meir, near Jerusalem, with additional sessions taking place on July 9-10 at Kibbutz Lavi.

"We are not an alternative to the rabbinate, we try to work together with them," said Sister Bride coordinator Nomi Wolfson, who oversees the training of some 200 volunteer-counselors countrywide.

"However, we do offer the brides a more personal approach. We don't watch the clock and we don't lecture them on an a-b-c list of topics, instead we follow the bride's lead and allow her to talk or ask questions about the issues that are on her mind."

While Wolfson steers clear of criticizing the existing mandatory course run by the rabbinate, she does highlight that the material covered in those classes could be considered passé by the country's secular majority.

Today, many couples are already living together before their wedding and have no intention of following the religious laws of nida (counting of the menstrual cycle) or visiting the mikva (ritual baths) after they are married.

"If brides want to understand about such things, then of course we do explain it to them, but most of those who come to us want to learn the secrets of how to make their marriage work," observed Wolfson, a trained marriage counselor.

"In fact, it is quite ironic that they are coming to us in order to get married but most of their questions focus on how to avoid divorce."

While the secular focus undoubtedly accounts for Sister Bride's growing popularity - Wolfson estimates that more than 1,000 brides-to-be were counseled last year - those who run the class don't miss the opportunity to inject some Jewish pearls of wisdom as well.

"We don't want to change anyone's beliefs or force them to do something that they don't want to, but I do like to show them how Jewish law governs relationships and can actually be an excellent guideline for all relationships," said Rivka Hevroni, a counselor with the program since its inception six years ago and a wife with "26 years experience."

According to Wolfson, most local rabbinates have welcomed the group's new approach. However, she says about 12 rabbinical councils have yet to agree to her services, including overwhelmingly secular Tel Aviv and Herzliya. Source

In a marriage relationship you're both going the same way-home, at the end of the day

2008-06-27T06:57:00.002-07:00

Being a high earning woman you know what it means to take action to achieve a desired outcome. It takes guts, preparation, an ability to envision what can be over what is, inspiration, and encouragement, and even dogged determination among other things. It's these and other qualities that have helped you to achieve all that you have on the professional front.

It takes the same kind of behavior and choices to achieve what you desire in your most personal relationship of all, your marriage. Yes, personal relationships are dynamically different from professional relationships because at the end of the day or the project or venture you go your way and they go their way.

In a marriage relationship you're both going the same way-home, at the end of the day. As a result, forestalling in the face of unresolved issues doesn't work very well for any length of time. For one thing, you can't quite get away from them. Sure, you can avoid, delay, and flat out refuse to deal with them. But to do so is to eventually pay a price in the climate of your relationship. There's something to be said for looking fear right in the face and moving forward.

And when the issue is earning power, it needs to happen sooner rather than later. As I have thought and talked about this important issue I am thoroughly convinced that there are four "must-have" conversations every high-achieving or high earning woman needs to engage her partner in. They are absolutely essential to the ability to freely and fully express your humanity authentically. They are as follows:

1. Your Identity as a Couple. This is the most important of the four must-have conversations. You and your partner need to discuss who you are together. You need to have a mutual understanding of what your marriage is about. In other words, you need to have a vision for your marriage. This is a conversation upon which all the others are established. You could say it's a pillar. This is not an "I" and "me" conversation, but rather a "you and me" an "us and we" conversation. It answers the question, Who Are We? This is a "couple" task.

2. Your Personal and Relational Needs. In this conversation you have to be willing to openly disclose what your needs are. Unmet needs are the basis for the various issues that come up in your relationship. Anything that is a concern or is of importance to you and/or your partner is an issue. All of us have both needs and issues as individuals and couples. Changing or unexpected circumstances or feelings of dissatisfaction about a situation or event often point to an issue or a need. This is universal and normal. To keep moving along positively and as a team you need to stop and discuss the personal and relational issues that have arisen and the needs involved.

3. Your Role Expectations and Responsibilities. In this conversation you want to explore one another's expectations about how the important things in your life together are going to get done. This is a conversation about the care of your children, housework, and shopping, maintenance and repairs, relatives and friends, in-laws and ex-spouses, etc. Having a mutual understanding and acceptance in these areas is essential to keeping yourselves positively connected and working together.

4. The Impact of Earning Power and Potential. In marriages where women out earn their partners it is imperative to be able to sit down together and discuss this. An effective discussion about it means you and your partner will engage in a rational and objective conversation with the goal of gaining perspective on how earning power or earning potential has influenced or can influence how you relate to each other. This is a nonthreatening and non-judgmental exchange between you that is direct, truthful, and responsible. When properly engaged, the outcome for you and your partner is greater esteem and respect.

About The Author

Relational Success Coach, Crystal A. Hernandez, M.S., MFT helps women service professionals who want a strong and vibrant marriage and family life, to cultivate friendship, collaborative communication, and real intimacy in their marriage. Want more proven ideas on cultivating the marriage you desire delivered straight to your Inbox? Great! A free subscription to the "Interpersonally Speaking" ezine awaits you at http://www.relatingtoday.com/ezine.php and Crystal's blog at http://www.interpersonalexcellence.net offers more information dedicated to marriage and family life issues.

Three Tips For Restoring Emotional Closeness

2008-06-27T06:57:00.001-07:00

Emotional closeness in marriage is a lot like sitting down to the table to enjoy your favorite meal and having everything there you need to do so. For example, I am a lover, and I do mean lover of hotcakes in the morning for breakfast. When I have them, I enjoy them most with a scrambled egg (or two, if I'm really hungry), sausage, and lots of syrup. If anyone of those items is missing I don't enjoy the meal as much, and would rather not have it at all.

In marriage, emotional closeness is a beautiful bond that you have established with your husband that is nurtured by the two of you through your daily interactions with each other.

That closeness or intimacy also has certain requirements that if not met can have a huge effect on your marriage.

There are countless situations that can assault your bond with each other on any given day. But for many couples the most common culprit is the poor handling of themselves during conflict that does the most damage. Oftentimes, generally speaking, it's tolerating what shouldn't be tolerated that can wreck havoc on your emotional union.

Here are 3 of the most common and what you can do to begin restoring the emotional intimacy your relationship needs.

1. Lack of Time. Busy professionals have a real challenge here with time. Work demands can follow you home, mentally or literally (you've brought it home in your notebook, Blackberry, etc.). The only way to consistently make the time is to keep time together a priority. That means not skipping that kiss as you walk through the door, sending that e-card late at night so it's received first thing in the morning, arranging that lunch "meeting" with your partner, or having that talk about a bothersome concern. The thing I've learned about lack of time with the ones you love most is that overtime it takes a toll and causes unnecessary heartache. So, safeguard your time together against work, kids, fatigue, and whatever else that may seduce you away from each other. Make each other a priority!

2. Lack of commitment. This tip ironically is essential for you to succeed with the first one mentioned above. Whatever we commit ourselves to we do. It's that simple. As a professional woman you know all about the importance of commitments and likely have many standing commitments associated with your work. Think over your list of commitments. Where is your marriage? What reasons are you accepting for allowing it a lesser place of priority, if that is the case? Shift your commitments if necessary so that your marriage has its proper place in your life. If you choose not to, be aware that your lack of commitment is going to show up somewhere. But you'll feel it most pronounced in the lack of real closeness between you and your spouse. Commitment will close the gap and restore the emotional closeness that gives every marriage its vibrancy.

3. Lack of courage. It takes courage to allow another person to look inside your soul, peer over your thoughts, and to weigh in on your needs. It takes courage to know and be known on a deeper level through mutual disclosure. Ours is a culture where people go through great lengths to veil who they truly are while unveiling what should be reserved only for those who've earned the right to know. For example, which takes more courage-to show cleavage or your deepest fears? Someone suggested that cleavage is really about fear...it's easier to reveal the body than the soul! What's easier to reveal-your successes or your sense of personal failure?

In marriages characterized by healthy emotional closeness, there is a shared sense of safety that allows couples to reveal all-the body in the gift of sexual love, as well as, the depths of the mind and heart. So, be courageous. Emotional intimacy takes courage and is its own reward!

About The Author

How to Save a Marriage. Basic Steps to Follow

2008-06-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

Is your marriage starting to fall apart? Or maybe you think your marriage is OK when really it's NOT. What am I talking about? A lot of the time we ask how there feeling and they say something like "Yeah things are fine..." and you think it's going good right? Then, a week later your signing divorce papers.

That's the first step, find the problem because even though you think things are going good...your partner might think otherwise. If there is a problem...then you have to look at it like a algebra equation. If one sides changes, then the other site MUST also change. That's the key the saving your relationship.

The Biggest Mistake People Make

If your wonder "how to save my marriage" then don't please don't make the mistake so many people make when saving a marriage. So whats the mistake? Thinking that time will heal. People think over time things will "just get worked out". This is the biggest myth of all. The longer you wait to start saving a marriage the harder it's going to be to turn it around.

So...How Can I Save My Marriage?

Well, one of the keys to saving a marriage is to turn the negative energy of the relationship into positive energy. You can do this even if your the only one interested in fixing the relationship. However, you have to know what your doing and you need a plan or else you could mess up the relationship worse than it already is. Get A Proven Plan To Save Your Marriage

How to Reconnect With Your Wife and Save Your Marriage

2008-06-15T13:07:00.000-07:00

Are you and your wife drifting apart? Marriages and relationships have the tendency to get stale and if you noticed that your wife is getting distant you have to do something before things get worse. Here are simple tips to bring back the fire in your marriage and reconnect with your wife.

Spend time to talk and avoid interruptions to reconnect with your wife. When at home it is very easy to focus yourself on something else like television, radio, books and take home work. Turn off the television and avoid working at home and give your wife some real quality time. You both need it everyday to make the relationship stronger. Reconnect with your wife and update her on what is happening to you when you are not together, this will make her feel very important to your life. She will not feel left out in your life.

Date your wife. Even if you've been married for years now, dating should not be a forgotten thing. Dating will help you remind her that you still love to be with her. It does not have to be an extravagant date, but something that will allow you and your wife to have a quite moment and bond together.

Experience new and old hobbies together. Doing things that you both love together will help you reconnect with your wife. If she loves photography, you could bring her to places that she could take good photos and create new memories with you. If she is interested in your sports or hobbies like golf or bowling, teach her and play together.

Be demonstrative with your feelings. If you love her then say it in words and in deeds. Most women are very vocal and demonstrative with their feelings and somehow they also want the same from their husbands. Bring her flowers, send an I love you message during the day when she is too busy running errands at home and she will love you more for it and will make her day complete. There are simple and yet heart warming acts of love that you could do everyday to reconnect with your wife.

If she lost interest in you, there are proven techniques to reconnect with your wife and bring back lost love. To find out how visit Bring Back The Love of Your Life

To know more about relationships visit All About Relationships

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including How to Reconnect With Your Wife. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

Marriage Without Divorce

2008-06-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

June is one of the most frequented wedding months and receptions. After brides and grooms exchange their vows, well-wishers are invited to receptions in honor of the newly weds. Traditionally, the foods and décor of the reception set the tone for their journey to a successful marriage. Just as the couple makes their way to the reception, they are also making their way into a commitment of love and respect in spite of circumstances, to be able to overcome difficulties and to remain together until the death of one of the spouses.

In a sense the reception leads the way to servin' up a successful marriage.

The focal points of a reception are the bridal cake and the punch. The cake represents all the love and respect that the couple shares. As they are photographed taking the first bite, they are beginning to practice the skill of sharing with one another. Both hands on the knife to cut the cake symbolizes cutting through difficulties as one unit. Arms crossed to drink the wedding punch represent their willingness to cross and mingle their lifestyles, goals and ambitions. These first actions together at the reception will begin to serve up a successful marriage.

Customarily, finger foods are served at a reception. These foods symbolize the hands-on experience that a couple must make to overcome trials, tribulations and difficulties in marriage. Like the variety of finger foods that can be served, a couple is faced with choices concerning money, sickness, career changes or family matters. Crisis times call for a time of face-to-face communication to make wise decisions. Talking with one another is vital to success in marriage. Pray together and consider the options to solutions. When solutions are not easily achieved, couples may turn to mentors or counselors for advice. Like finger foods that fill their plates at a reception, couples may find their plates filled with difficulties. But the wise couple will work together with personal hands-on communication and make successful decisions in their marriage.

Finally, at the reception the top layer of the cake is preserved for the couple to serve on their first anniversary. This gesture represents the expected longevity of the marriage.

The couple will find that one of the many phases of marriage is the first year. Since the couple has so many adjustments to make, stress and strain may affect the marital bliss. Sometimes the marriage is cut apart like a knife cutting apart the wedding cake; it ends up being thrown out in divorce. Increasing family members in the unit may cause problems and strife. The next phase of marriage is the empty nest syndrome. When the couple has adjusted to more in the family and are two again, divorce may be served up because they refuse to readjust. Some couples do not like the way the sweet cake of marriage is sliced at retirement. A marriage dish that can be preserved until the death of one of the spouses without divorce is a success.

Thus a reception can be a preview to a successful marriage. The cutting of the wedding cake and the sipping of the punch indicate that the couple is willing to share their love and respect. The finger foods represent the many things that are dished up in marriage and can affect the success. Preserving the top layer of the cake challenges the couple to preserve their marriage and make it one that will last into eternity.

Pat Strawbridge is a graduate of the University of Mississippi and the Mississippi University for Women and has done postgraduate work at University of Tennessee, Knoxville in Home Economics with emphasis in family relations. She and her husband, Drennon, live in Cleveland, TN near their son, Mike and his wife, Janice, and two grandsons Scott and Will. White Bible Ceremonies for Couples: Advice for Successful Marriage is available in manual form with instructions or CD with photos, instructions and suggestions http://www.whitebibleceremony.com/

Patricia C. Strawbridge is a former home economics teacher. She also writes: Meal with a Message: http://www.mealswithamessage.com

Are You Making This Mistake in Your Marriage?

2008-06-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

I receive emails daily from people who ask me for advice, people who share their comments about articles I've written over the years and sometimes, I receive emails from people criticizing my point of view.Husband and wife arguing

All of which I am perfectly fine with.

But recently, I opened an email to find this shocking subject line, "Your comment that "Women don't leave great guys" is (profanity was inserted here)."

Okay, I admit, I'm reading closely now.

My comment, (actually my wife Marsha's quote), "Women don't leave great guys" brought about a firestorm of reaction from this particular man. I'll call him "Joe" to protect his privacy.

Now I always try to keep in mind that there are two sides to every story. But this article apparently struck a nerve with Joe compelling him to describe to me exactly how and why he was a great guy to his wife and yet - how his wife "repaid" him by drinking and running up all kinds of debt.

As he put it, "I was the great guy who did everything he could including working two jobs averaging 80 to 100 hours a week."

Joe then began driving his winning point home...

"I've asked myself what I did wrong. It was being too forgiving, too understanding and too honest. (Larry,) please think more about the 5% of men who really are great guys before you write another book", he stated.

Well, I didn't write a book on this topic, but instead it was an article which you can find here:

Does a Cheating Wife Inevitably Lead To Divorce?

But I offer Joe's point of view to you because it sheds some light on the big idea that I don't want you to miss.

When you're CONVINCED that you are good, that you are right, that you've been done wrong, and then make your case with no room to receive any other point of view, you've just risked going BLIND.

That's right, blind.

We all know it as self righteousness.

It happens when you've been hurt so bad by someone you love, know or trust, that you become SO angry...and you just can't see past your point of view.

But you can prevent this from happening before things get out of control.

Here's how...

The time to take a good, hard look at your marriage is NOW.

Look for the signs that your marriage is taking a turn for the worst.

And yes, although most spouses are completely shocked when their spouse tells them the marriage is over, there ARE several warning signs that should alert you to a serious problem in your relationship.

Here are 2 of these signs:

1. INTIMACY: Intimacy is the first place to look. When this starts going wrong, you know it because one person is complaining about it, resisting it or criticizing it. If you ignore these small signs and don't find a way to start talking about this important issue in a safe way the two of you can handle, the complaint gets buried and becomes fuel for resentment.

And that's when one spouse stops voicing their concerns and goes quiet. Not a good sign.

Which brings me to the next warning sign...

2. TALKING: Another bad sign that your marriage is taking a turn for the worst is when the talking stops. When intimacy goes bad, that should wake you up, but when talking goes sour - that should be a rude awakening.

Intimacy and communication are the two most important components of a fulfilling marriage. Don't pretend they're not important. They are.

I hope this blog post will cause you to take a second look at your marriage. Don't wait until it's too late. Even if you think you're the perfect husband or wife, your spouse may think differently. And ultimately, that's what matters most.

So what if your friends agree that you treat your spouse like gold. Who cares if you're able to be the sole supporter of your family?

If you want a fulfilling marriage, BOTH of you need to identify, and then meet each others' needs instead of being what YOU consider a "good husband" or a "good wife".

It's your spouses' perception of you that counts.

If your marriage is failing, instead of looking to blame your spouse for your marriage problems, look in the mirror and put yourself in your spouses' shoes. Ask your spouse what criteria s/he defines as a good husband or wife.

What you find may surprise you.

Want to overcome the most difficult issues in your marriage by focusing on the SOLUTION instead of the issues? For a solution-oriented alternative to marriage counseling, visit Larry Bilotta's online marriage counseling alternative web site to get your marriage back on track and overcome your marriage problems.

do-we-need-marriage-counseling

80-20 Mortgage Basics

2008-06-03T14:54:00.000-07:00

If you are interested in buying a home but does not have an ability to pay required 20 per cent down payment to the lender initially then 80/20 mortgage is tailor made for you. In most US states, the average price for buying a home has increased significantly over the past two or three years.

This makes it real tough for plenty of people to qualify for the conventional mortgage financing. Therefore, in order to secure the 100 per cent mortgage financing, you are only left with one option, 80/20 mortgages.

Generally speaking, this is basically two loans. You can avail first mortgage for 80 per cent of the value of your home. On the other hand, you can get second mortgage for the remaining 20 per cent of the value of your home. When you go for this mortgages, you do not need to pay private mortgage insurance. This in turn can save you plenty of money in the form of monthly mortgage payment.

Apart from this mortgage, there are few financial institutions operating in the market that provide financing for 103 per cent of the asking price on your home. The main advantage of this kind of financing is that it covers closing costs of the home.

To get an 80/20 mortgage you have to take the assistance of mortgage broker. Mortgage brokers normally have access to a wide array of unconventional lenders and financial institutions to assist people in qualifying for loan. Before signing contract paper of any mortgage loan, read the terms and conditions part carefully.

If you are not happy with any part of the contract, tell your lender immediately. Once you sign the contract paper, nothing can be done about it. To avoid overpaying for your mortgage, it is quite important that you do your homework first. To start with, take quotes from at least five or ten mortgage lenders. By doing this, you will get to know what the standard interest rates in the market at present. Also take into consideration the repayment schedule offered by various lenders.

Sara Sentor
Webmaster
http://www.mortgagebible.org

Marriage Problems. Top Marriage Killers

2008-05-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

Before I get into the marriage killers, I want to first express hope for those considering divorce or just wanting to give up on their marriage. I, like many others have gone through very difficult times in my own marriage. Through counseling and applying some of the principles I am going to lay out, my wife and I have come a long way. Of course, we have to continually work at our marriage like everyone else. I strongly believe in that course, take a look into it if you like but for now let's get on with the subject at hand.

1. Being self-centered. This is numero uno on the list for a reason. If you do not consider the welfare of your spouse but only think of your own needs as a pattern then your marriage will reap the harsh results of failure. For those stuck in this type of a marriage, there is hope. Little by little you can take the steps to do something for your spouse you normally would not. It is tough to break this cycle but not impossible.

2. Bottling up your feelings. Eventually all the pent up emotions and feelings will come out one way or another.

3. Holding nothing back. The other side of the coin involves spewing everything out on your partner. This is a balancing act and should come along with time but for those that struggle with speaking too much and showing no restraint, there is hope to breaking this cycle too but it will require patience and a lot of work.

4. A pattern of interrupting each other. Notice most on this list belong to the communication domain. That is not an accident. Most of what we say is expressed in the form of communication. If partners do not feel free to share without interference then problems will certainly persist.

5. Withholding affection from each other. No matter what the offense has been, there should be a policy within marriage whereby each party agrees to come together after and hold each as an expression of validation.

Find real hope for even the most damaged marriages! Hope for Marriage is the place to visit.
http://marriagecounselor-consciousmarriage.blogspot.com/2008/01/how-to-save-marriage.html

http://marriagecounselor-consciousmarriage.blogspot.com/2007/12/5-ways-not-to-ruin-marriage.html

Three Keys To A Happy Marriage

2008-05-31T12:53:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in my earlier post, my husband and I conduct private sessions for married couples encountering matrimonial issues. We really learned a lot from these sessions and thankfully,we can safely vaunt our achievements as many marriages are saved.

There are 3 keys to a successful marriage and I coined them as the 3 Cs.

Communication- I cannot stress enough on the importance of communicating to one another.

I have seen couples who have absolutely nothing to say to each other besides the usual greetings and good nights. A conversation in marriage is important because it gives both of you connection. It also gives a better comprehension of one another. If there are problems arising, it will give you the early stage to discuss and explore solutions.

Commitment- Do take note that in Marriage, commitment goes far beyond the initial vow, (which I am hoping you still remember) it translates dedication into action.

My husband and I almost have our once a week night out, either to the Movies or have the home to ourselves by renting a movie and indulging in a romantic candle light dinner.

Get started in reestablishing commitment in your marriage today

Companionship- Start becoming companions with each other and stop the BLAMING. Just as how white wine is the usual companion of fish, be there for each other.

The bonus key I would like to add is both of you must have this feeling for each other

LOVE- The love must be ignited by both parties. Start doing the things tnat you used to do when you were in courtship. Make it a once-a-week affair where you and your spouse just dine out and start TALKING.

Shivon David is passionate about making marriages work. She and her husband had started marriage counselling for more than a year now and had seen many marriages being saved. If you are interested in finding resources in making your marriage work

Please view her blog http://lovethyspouse.blogspot.com

There will be FREE ecourses coming up soon.
http://marriagecounselor-consciousmarriage.blogspot.com/2008/05/bored-in-your-marriage.html
http://marriagecounselor-consciousmarriage.blogspot.com/2008/01/save-your-marriage.html

What Happens in Vegas

2008-05-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

What Happens in Vegas feels like the pilot for a television sitcom. In fact, the premise has already been done before - in an episode of The Simpsons, Homer and Ned Flanders go to Vegas, get drunk, and end up marrying two strange women. The next day, after sobering up, they try to ditch their new brides.

That's more or less what happens in this movie, only the plot continues beyond the ditching part. Jack (Ashton Kutcher) is a recently fired furniture maker and Joy (Cameron Diaz) a recently dumped stock broker. Both head to Vegas to drink and party away their troubles. Jack goes with his pal Hater (Rob Corddry), who's also his lawyer, and Joy takes her best friend Tipper (Lake Bell). Both pairs mistakenly end up in the same hotel room and then challenge each other to hang out on the strip. One thing leads to another and...Jack and Joy party too hard, get wasted and marry each other in a drunken stupor.

The next morning, both ask the other for a divorce, but just as they're about to part ways, they argue and start pointing out each other's flaws. Then Jack inserts one of Joy's quarters into a slot machine and wins the $3 million jackpot. Both claim the prize, but the judge overhearing their case (played by the devilish Dennis Miller) freezes the money and orders Jack and Joy to six months of hard marriage.

I never said What Happens in Vegas would make a great sitcom, but based on the movie, it could make a decent one, with a lot of room to grow. The movie, for what it is, is actually funny, sweet and down-to-earth most of the time. Kutcher and Diaz, whom many would agree have the ability to get on your nerves (see Kutcher in Just Married and Diaz in The Holiday; or better yet, don't see them), are surprisingly tolerable and likable. They're good here because they get us to want their characters to learn a valuable lesson.

Jack is irresponsible and mostly meanders through life on the backs of others. He's a slacker and his father (Treat Williams) has good reason to fire him from his furniture business. Joy is nauseatingly uptight and submissive to other peoples' standards. She'd make a good wife on paper, but her life has become a daily planner, with no sense of spontaneity or, well, joy. Her fiance Mason (Jason Sudeikis) is a jerk, but he dumps her for reasons we can understand.

What's interesting is how Dana Fox's screenplay actually cares about teaching Jack and Joy a lesson about growing up and realizing one's worth. Going into the movie, I expected these characters to be completely cartoony, but the truth of the matter is we've all met a Jack or Joy at one point in our life, so that gave it some credibility.

Of course, the movie abides by all the romantic comedy cliches and conventions, but they feel fresher than usual because of Tom Vaughan's slick direction and the chemistry between the leads. We get the typical "incompatible roommates" scenarios after Joy is forced to move in with Jack, and sure, these moments are predictable, but they're not necessarily exaggerated. Any guy or girl who's ever lived with another girl or guy will find elements of truth here. I doubt any guy would willfully pee in his own kitchen sink (and on his own dishes), but I can believe things like body hair and sharing the bathroom would be a problem.

I enjoyed What Happens in Vegas for what it was and appreciated it more for not sinking too far down to the level of totally outrageous gags that get on your nerves. Even Jack and Joy's race across New York City to their marriage counselor (Queen Latifah) ends up being fun and energetic instead of outlandish and stupid. Speaking of their marriage counselor, the movie's funniest scene takes place when Jack pretends Joy has given him a black eye. The comic timing of this scene pays off especially well thanks to the looks on both Kutcher and Diaz's faces. It won't win either one an Oscar, but it did make me laugh.

What Happens in Vegas isn't a movie you need to see in the theater. You're better off watching it on cable and imagining it's a sitcom. And there are hundreds of other movies you should see before this one, but its light humor eventually wins us over. It's standard comedy, but not completely second-rate.

Source

Bridal Shower Favor Ideas

2008-05-27T12:17:00.000-07:00

There are a myriad of little thank you tokens out there which will suit every kind of friend, every great colleague and everyone from your mom and aunt to your best friend and baby sister.
Girls love to make up! Make it easier for them to carry their cosmetics and look their best with the Shimmer and Stripes monogrammed cosmetics bag, heart shaped manicure bag and LOVE heart compact mirror with its own black velvet pouch.

For the more practical girl, how about a fabulous miniature accessory for the kitchen? There's everything a girl could need, from To Have and To Hold fridge magnets and Love is Brewing teapot tape measure and timer, to Pink Heart bottle stoppers and melon ballers. Other dinky items include mini cheese graters, measuring spoons, ice cream scoops, cookie cutters and cake servers.
Does she like traveling? Then why not treat her to Destination Love chrome luggage tags or a horseshoe key chain favor to keep her keys safe while she's on the move. She'll also love the monogrammed cosmetic travel bag and jewelry pouch, as well as the Sew Perfect plaid mini sewing kit, perfect for traveling light for a weekend away, or the travel mirror in its embroidered silk pouch - a great bridal shower favor idea!

For home lovers there is a great range of treats to decorate the home with themes of love. From glass coasters and cheese boards, LOVE design wine charms and Love Rocks engraved stone favors, to the Rose theme spreaders and Two Peas in a Pod salt and pepper shakers, there's something to make every girl house proud.

Maybe your best friend loves to pamper herself? Then she'll adore the romance and pleasure of candles and bath soaps. She can indulge herself in a candlelit soak with the Calla lily gel candle, Carriage candle or Wedding cake candle replete with its very own porcelain pedestal while she washes away the hard work of the day with Sunny Daisy bath confetti or Perfect Heart scented rose soaps.

And for those with a fabulous sense of humor, how about a flip flop leather key ring, miniature purse bottle stoppers, or Highlight of My Life highlighter favor and appeal to her sense of fun.
Or you might prefer to stick to traditional candy treats. Choose from a range of favor boxes and bags to fill with delectable goodies from the confectionery counter. The Dress satin gown favor bag or enchanted carriage favor box are sure to hit the spot with the sweet-tooth among your friends and family.

With so many ideas to choose from, it won't be easy to figure out which bridal favor shower idea you like best, but you can be sure that you'll manage to find something for every last one of your favorite female companions.

For Wedding Favors and Bridal Shower Party Favors visit: http://www.weddingfavordiscount.com

Marriage Problem Signs - Discover How To Recognize Them And The Awesome Ways To Deal With Them

2008-05-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

So you have some potential marriage problem signs? Well I'm going to go over some of the more common signs.Some factors that contribute to the failure of a marriage include a lack of communication or poor communication, financial issues and even the circumstances of the marriage. All of these issues can exist in a healthy and enduring marriage but if they are not dealt with properly they can lead to the failure of the marriage.

Communication is critical to the success of a marriage. Without proper communication, conflict resolution becomes a difficult issue. If the couple lacks the communication skills necessary to resolve their problems, then even the smallest problems will become insurmountable.

Love may conquer all but sometimes even love isn't enough to save a marriage when there are significant financial concerns. While financial concerns in and of themselves may not be the cause of a failed marriage the tension that financial concerns create is often the culprit in a failed marriage.

Financial concerns can be a heavy burden to bear and when a couple is struggling to meet their financial obligations, there can be a tremendous amount of pressure in the relationship. This pressure may be enough to destroy an otherwise healthy marriage.

Even the circumstances surrounding the marriage can lead to its failure. A marriage of convenience is often not a healthy marriage. When the decision to marry is based on something other than true love, it is likely that the marriage will fair.

Some examples of marriage circumstances that often lead to failure are getting married because there is a baby on the way or because the couple is feeling pressure to get married by friends and family members. Neither of these reasons are truly valid reasons for marriage and often leads to divorce. When a couple marries for reasons other than true love the marriage is often doomed before it starts.

Many marriages today are doomed before they even start. Marriage is no longer seen as a necessary step in a relationship so many couples are quick to divorce without making an honest effort to resolve their problems. Communication breakdown, financial difficulties as well as circumstances of the marriage are all problems that can cause many marriages to fail.

I wish you good luck in solving your marriage problems!

To help you solve all your marriage problems you must visit http://www.squidoo.com/marriageproblemssigns

Keeping The Passion Alive In Your Marriage

2008-05-24T12:27:00.000-07:00

There are thousands of little bits and pieces that tie together to make a marriage what it is. Missteps in one or many of these items can cause friction.

One of the biggest, if not the biggest, issues in a marriage is the sexual aspect. Despite sex being one of the most natural and easiest ways to express our love for each other, it often becomes a complicated tangle of miscommunication, misconception, and misinformation.

A great way to overcome roadblocks, hurt feelings, and fighting due to sexual issues is to keep the lines of communication open between you and your partner. Part of this communication that the two of you can share is education. When a husband and wife are on the same page, barriers are dissolved and a mutually satisfying love life is there to be shared and enjoyed.

Become an expert on your spouse's body. Have him or her show you what pleases them. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact it's wrong to guess and hope for the best. There are literally thousands of books on the subject of how to please a man or how to please a woman. Study up and practice! That is the fun part.

Sometimes all that is needed is variety. If you find you and your spouse's love life is getting dull and perhaps mechanical, seek out new positions, try some role play games. Sometimes an adult movie may lead you in directions you may never dared to try before. If you have a secret fantasy, let your partner know; chances are they aren't mind readers. Always remember to have fun, but keep it safe.

Human sexuality is a wonderful gift we all have been given. To be able to share it with your husband or wife is one of life's great treasures.

John Phillips is owner of http://www.500lovemakingtips.smmsite.com

For tips and ideas on keeping romance alive in your marriage or relationship, go to: 101 Romantic Ideas

Bored In Your Marriage?

2008-05-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

I once heard a man tell me that he does not feel the same way he always felt about his marriage. I asked him "Why?" He said that his marriage lack the excitement that he see in other marriages and that it is not as glamorous as the Hollywood marriages with some of their steamy sex scenes.

Here is the reality. Hollywood marriages are for the most part, a made up story in the minds of the writers. Their job is to entertain and make money, not to enlighten us.

Additionally, as individuals, we cannot compare ourselves with others. Our Creator created us all, unique. We are all special in our own way; and of the 7+ billion people on planet earth, there is only one of you and your spouse.

It is important to mention that many good marriages are boring. There is not much excitement in them. There is nothing sensual about cleaning the dishes, doing the laundry, cooking, going to work every day, or changing diapers. However, there are trade offs. For example, no value can be placed on the love that children feel when they are cared or hugged; or the eye contact between husband and wife; or doing the little things that count and making a huge difference in the life of some one you love; or the warmth you feel when your spouse is around.

There is no monetary value that can be added to the happiness of a simple yet fulfilling and profound marriage.

Rochelle Forbes is a Marriage and Relationship Counselor. She lives in Orlando Fl. and posts articles on her blog. You can have FREE access to her newsletters which contain great tips and ideas for married couples by typing in your first name and email address at the website listed below: http://www.bestmarriagesecretsblog.com

Looking for possible ways to save marriage?

2008-05-19T12:59:00.001-07:00

Most people don't want to go through a divorce and would also like to find ways to stop the divorce. So what do most people do? They hit the internet looking for possible ways to save their marriage. The purpose of the article is show ways to show ways to save marriage and stop the divorce.

Remain Confident

Always hope for the best. Be positive and positive things will result from that attitude. Never beat yourself up for things that have happened in the past. This can lower your self-esteem and will end up hurting you and your possible ways to save marriage.

Encourage Your Spouse

It is important that you encourage your spouse and make her feel good. Yes, there are negative and positive things about everyone. Don't nitpick your spouse looking for all these negative things. Find the positive things and embrace them. Find things you like about your spouse and tell them!

Touch Your Spouse

A simple pat on the back or shoulder really can go a long way. A soft hand touch really shows affection and it conveys an incredible amount of love. Show that you truly love your spouse and simply touch him or her sometimes. It makes you feel good, and it makes him or her feel good.

Find Common Ground

Find something that both of you would like to do. Not the movie theater that you both have gone to for so many times before, but actually find a new place you both would like to do. Pick up a map of local attractions and pick something you'd both like to do. Remember there many possible ways to save marriage.

Uncover all the secrets and techniques on how to save a marriage from divorce, even if only one partner wants to work on it.

Discover how The Magic of Making Up can help you save your marriage and get your partner back by going to http://www.magic-of-making-up.net Be sure to watch our free informational videos straight from the site as well!

So you want to know how men save their Christian marriage?

2008-05-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

To be honest, a Christian marriage isn't much different than a normal marriage. Religion doesn't play a large part into saving marriages, but it can be beneficial.

Most Christian marriages and relationships are not abusive and it's actually easier to save marriages. Some of the time it is just a simple misunderstanding. Whatever the case is, this article will show you how men save their Christian marriage. So let's begin!

Admit That You Both Have Problems

Just as any other solution to a problem, you must admit that you both have a problem. Your marriage is going wrong, and it could possibly lead to a divorce. Once you both admit this, you are both already on a better page to saving the marriage.

Make a List - Good and Bad

Creating a list of the good parts of the marriages and the bad parts of the marriages can actually be very beneficial. Although it sounds dumb and corny, you would be amazed at how much it could help the Christian marriage. Discuss the list with each other once you are both done.

Open Up for Change

You should be ready to change, after all, if you want anything to change from the way it is right now, you are going to have to change. Nothing is going to be fixed if both of you are not open for change or solutions. Once you are open for change, talk about possible changes you can make and apply them!

The Final Step

Uncover all the secrets and techniques on how to save a marriage from divorce, even if only one partner wants to work on it.

Great Ideas For Romantic Marriage Proposal

2008-05-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

There are some activities which are not romance-friendly and they end up spoiling the anticipated adventure. Your married life together should start on a well prepared activity where love should begin to sprout. I have laid down for you some romantic marriage proposal ideas which will enable your lover to be ready to marry you any moment from then. The ideas are to make it easy for you to ask her "will you marry me?" and live happily ever after. Many lovers have a problem when it comes to choosing an appropriate venue to propose to their significant other. They blow it off by proposing in a bar. You should read this for some insight.

Among the most popular romantic marriage proposal is an evening to watch your favorite film. Get a bowl full of popcorns and then place the engagement ring at the bottom. When you have eaten almost all the popcorns in the bowl, take the ring out and then propose to her. Isn't it a good idea. Another ideal idea is to look for many boxes that fit inside each other. Fit a wrapped ring box in the smallest of all boxes and wrap all the boxes. Off course when she opens the box she will be shocked by what she has to do (unwrap all the boxes). Give a charming smile and assure her it is worthwhile. When she finally gets into the ring she will be so excited to say no.

Another wonderful idea for romantic marriage proposal is when you take your lover out for an exotic dinner at a highly romantic restaurant. Allow time for dessert and ask the waiter to place the ring box on her dessert plate. It will be a good surprise. You can as well do it yourself. Prepare a unique romantic dinner with champagne at home. Light the candles and carefully place the engagement ring at the bottom of the glass with champagne. Pour the bubbling drink over it. You will certainly watch her eyes glow with excitement when you hand your wife-to-be the glass. She will say i do amidst tears. You can as well plan a new year's party and propose to her when the clock hits midnight. All the attendants will be mesmerized.

It will be a good idea when you decide to propose to her during Christmas time. I recommend it since it is the prime time of the year when many people are in the holiday mood. You won't need much to cheer her up. Do a special activity of putting up a Christmas tree when your dear is not at home. Do not place any ornaments on it for a reason. You can then tie the box with a string and leave it to hang. When she finally gets home she will be provoked by the hanging box on the tree and she will naturally open it. Another idea of romantic marriage proposal is to put up the Christmas tree together. You will have secretly attached the ring to an ornament and placed it back in its box. Wait until the tree is completely dressed with ornaments then give her the box with the ring. It will be such a good idea you will want to recommend it to all your friends.

Francis K. Githinji Is An Online Dating Expert. His Latest Project Romantic Marriage Proposal Shows How The Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At Romantic Marriage Proposal

Counselor Offers Different Way To Help Heal A Marriage

2008-05-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

By KARA O'CONNOR

koconnor@wiltonvillager.com

WILTON — For those couples who don't think that traditional marriage counseling is for them, Wilton mediator Susan K. Boardman has an alternative solution for them to try.

Boardman uses Marital Mediation to help couples who come to her Westport-based practice, a counseling technique that uses mediation to create new relationship behaviors and better communication and understanding, she said.

"Marital Mediation uses the same techniques as divorce mediation but the goal is different," said Boardman, who has a Ph.D in social psychology. "Marital Mediation works through conflict to try and create new ways to prevent divorce or separation."

According to Michael Becker, an attorney and accountant who specializes in divorce mediation in Wesport, there is a very small bridge between divorce mediation and marital mediation.

"I think that the goals and skill set for Marital Mediation is probably identical to divorce mediation in a way," said Becker. "They both identify and organize the problems couples are having in their relationship and help keep couples calm and diffuse conflict."

Boardman has had a private practice for the past six years as a family mediator, and has been using marital mediation for the past three years. According to Boardman, Marital Mediation comes up with a more concrete way to fix a couples problems.

"I find that in marriage couples either ignore problems or just sit on them," said the Wilton resident. "With Marital Mediation I find out what is causing the problem, like other mediators or therapists do and then make a written contract for the couple that will work out specific ways to solve the problems."

According to Boardman, there are four different areas that make up Marital Mediation. There is the perception of the problem and how to change it, coming up with a way to negotiate that problem, finding out how each person perceives themselves and the perception of the solutions to fix the problem.

Boardman says she uses different techniques for Marital Mediation such as using a "feedback loop," which is when couples will take one hour in their week to sit down and talk to each other about how they feel. She says she also uses flashcards in her sessions, with a patient talk to his or her partner and holding up a red, green or yellow card to show the emotions they are feeling at the time.

"Marital Mediation is really a different kind of therapy," said Boardman. "It lets couples test out all different ways to find a solution and ends up being a shorter process than other therapy."

According to Boardman, the Marriage Mediation process takes anywhere from two to six, two-hour sessions, which are usually completed in three to four weeks, depending on the couples' schedule. There are also various couple-related conflicts which Marital Mediation can help, such as career issues, lack of communication, intimacy issues, financial disputes and many more, she said.

"I help people develop new behavioral guidelines, rather than trying to figure out the psychological explanation of why couples act the way they do," said Boardman. "It gives couples the ability to eventually solve their own problems."

Susan Boardman's counseling practice is located at 252 Post Road East in Westport. She also has a Web site, www.maritalmediationworks.com, where visitors can learn more about Marital Mediation.

"I really believe that Marital Mediation works," said Boardman. "It's so simple and generates many options for couples, it helps couples focus on the future and stay in the future."